by Justine Lagos about a year ago in psychological

The Fear of Mirrors


I try to avoid mirrors, or my reflection to be more accurate, at all costs. It's just not for me and I don't quite understand why others spend hours looking into one, what do they see that I don't? Do they see the afterlife? A world unbeknownst to me? A world that I am forever forbidden to lay my eyes on or ever step foot in? It could be nothing. They could just be looking at narcissism himself, but how should I know? I don't see a damn thing. To be honest, I haven't looked in a mirror in ages, I've forgotten what I don't see. Maybe if I look, just once, I'll be able to see? No! I can't! Wait, what is this pain in my hand?

Ah! silly me, I was lost too much in foolish thoughts, I had forgotten I was chopping tomato for tomorrow's lunch. You would've thought the burning kiss of the blade would have saved me from the depths of my own head. Oh well, what's done is done.

As I run my hand under cold water, I watch as the pure crystal water makes contact with my tainted dark blood and runs pink down my palm. I looked too long, I am now back in my mind where the subject of mirrors is still fresh.

"Just look into a mirror," a menacing voice in my head says, "see what all the fuss is about."

"Even if she waned to, she has covered all the mirrors in the house years ago," A more gentle, more passive voice in my head responses, "Why would she want to go through all that trouble again?" The two voices going back and forth make it hard to think for myself.

Which one shall I listen to? I am in a good state of mind right now, why would I want to go and ruin that because of one silly thought bouncing in my head?

"That's right. You have a job now and live in your own apartment. Mom doesn't really bother you so much now, you pay your own bills and have all the freedom you could imagine. Not to mention, You are finally off all those dreaded pills! Why would you want to ruin it? You remember how you were when mirrors were a part of you life, right?"

Of course I do, how could I forget? Those years, those terrible years trapped in the dark. Pill after pill being shoved down my throat. Doctors always looking at me and telling me every reason why I'm wrong about the world. Mom treating me more like a patient than a daughter. It was terrible, so cold, and the mirror was always at the center of my mind. I don't really remember why.

"Perhaps why you cannot recall because it wasn't so bad?" Menacing voice adds, "It was years ago, you were but a mere child with an imagination beyond wonders. What would it hurt to take the sheet of the bathroom mirror? Maybe you'll see Wonderland, like Alice. If you don't like what you see, just hang it back up."

That could be true. I could be overreacting. I should also try to do one thing that frightens me a day, so says Dr. Norrance. Not tonight though, I'm not all that ready, tomorrow for sure!

Suddenly the floor seems colder and reality is now relevant. No! I'm in the bathroom, in front of a covered mirror. How did I get here? I was just in the kitchen! The menacing voice must have lead me here. I'm not ready! Let us sleep on it, I promise we'll be more levelheaded tomorrow!

"No my dear, now is the time," Menacing voice whispers, "You are ready deary."

"No, don't!" Passive voice yells, "Just walk away. You have the ability to do that. You don't have to uncover that mirror. Just go to bed."

"You are safe. Nothing bad will happen to you, dear."

"Oh yeah? If that's true, why do you have a knife in your hand?"

Knife? Why do I have the kitchen knife? This should also be in the kitchen. This isn't right.

"The knife is more for a security blanket," The Menace says, "You only have it with you to make you feel more safe, there is no real need for it."

I guess that makes sense. I feel my arm reaching toward the sheet that's shielding the mysterious world. Am I really doing this?

"Please stop!" The Passive one urges, "Once that sheet it off, I cannot help you. You will never hear from me again. You'll be on your own."

Well, I mean, It will be one less voice in my head. Maybe I'll have less headaches. Without letting either voice speak, I closed my eyes and tore the sheet off.

With three long breaths, I opened my eyes. It was quiet, and is that—is that me? My goodness! I had almost forgotten the shade of brown my eyes were; they were a warm brownie color and had a purple halo. What's this? I have freckles! Have I always had these? I should get out more and bathe in the sun. This is splendid! I must have been overreacting all this time! Perhaps if I had looked in the mirror sooner I would have known that my hair looks much better pushed behind my ear. I love this! Both voices are gone too! This couldn't get better!

Hmm I think I'll have to change the light bulbs soon, It's much more dim now. There's something changing in my reflection, my eyes. Insanity? The more I stare, the insanity grows more intense. There is this chaotic smile growing. It's so dark. What is this? I'm terrified, yet I can't look away. There's black ink coming from my eyes. No there isn't! Then why is this image in the mirror? Wait...I remember now. There is a world inside the mirror, but it isn't one that I will never step foot in, it is one I will most definitely step foot in. The girl I see pretending to reflect me is the leader of this hell, and is impatiently waiting for me.

My breath becomes uncontrollable, my heart is racing, I think I'm about to be sick! I'm starting to sob uncontrollably. "Leave me alone!" I manage to speak aloud. She's not responding. Unable to move my legs or feet, I close my eyes and put my head down in hopes she will go away.

"Look at me, child!" I've heard this voice before... It couldn't be, it's the menacing voice.

Damn you! You made me do this you bastard!

"Look at me!" she demanded once more. I don't budge. I'm so afraid I couldn't move even if I wanted to. I feel a sharp pain in my arm. She's stabbing me! "Look at me!"

I finally look up with swollen eyes and see the knife in my arm. "Please, stop!" I passively urge. She pulls the knife from my arm and a waterfall of tainted red water falls down my arm. She brings the knife up to my throat, still with a insanely chaotic look upon her face. "No! No please don't do this!" Without hesitation, she drives the knife straight into my jugular and I instantly have an overwhelming taste of metal in my mouth. She drives the knife across my throat, back and forth, as if she's scribbling on a sheet of paper. The only thing coming from my mouth are gurgling and crimson water.

I fall to the floor with the knife at my side. Why have you betrayed me? My vision is fading as I drown and choke. I know once I close my eyes, I will be in that world I thought I would never step foot in. I'm so cold, It's so cold.

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