Sign

It is the dog that I feel sorry for the most.

We were all on vacation, and I wondered if it was a good idea to bring Patches with us to an island. She’s a Jack Russell terrier, full of energy and probably the only true friend I have left in the world. And now that we are back on another boat, I wonder if I should have listened to…

Ah, yes, I said, “Listened.” Yes, I still say it…no matter what. Being the only deaf one here was supposed to be some sort of good deal for me. No one said that, of course, but that was clear. “Lisa needs this more than any of us.” “Lisa has not taken a vacation in two years.” “Lisa is just…” Lisa, Lisa, Lisa…

Barbara was the one who thought that she was defending me. She could sign – good ASL; not so clear with the International – but even her thoughts felt insulting. I will miss her and I do think that we should all try to have happy thought about…the rest of them.

You really want all of these details, right? You want me to write it all out by text?

Well, you are the only one here, so…

There were five of us, and I was the only one who could not speak out loud…or at all. This probably saved my life…

Yes, sorry, I will get back to it.

Barbara (the one that I really feel sorry for in all this), Sam and Steve (brothers, and acting like it), Deborah and me…and Patches (guess I can call him one of us; still with us, too). We were all there on vacation, and I think that is why D. was so anxious about having me there. She thought that I’d need something special. Funny to think now that she was unaware of my ability to read lips, but I could see it all.

“Is she coming?” Her coffee was overflowing with all that whipped cream and syrup. I was just hoping to finish my espresso and take Patches for a walk that afternoon. Barbara was willing to, but…well, even a great boxer needs someone in their corner.

“Yeah, she’s coming. And if you don’t want her, then you don’t want me or my car or my dad’s place. You got that?”

All of that played out right in front of me, and I had to pretend that I could not hear a word of it. Barbara knew that I could read lips, but she kept that to herself and let D. think that I’d need the censored version of events later. A good friend to have…

So, that was that and I was on my way. We got a charter and rented a ride out that Barbara knew how to handle better than I thought she would. And almost immediately the Idiot Twins – wasn’t shy about sharing that name with her – got on her case for the whole thirty minutes out there.

“We can take the wheel, y’know.” Steve, the younger of the dynamic dumbos, was already on his second PBR and happy to be an asshole to anyone within his beery breath.

“You can also sink us all or get us lost, you know.”

“Okay, brother o’mine. Let’s just enjoy the ride and let the women tell us what to do.”

Was Sam being an asshole to cover for his brother’s assholeness, or did he really mean it? Maybe I had better admit now that I had a thing for him. Handsome, yes, and he was brighter than his better half. And I knew that Barbara also had her eye on him. I won’t say that I liked the competition, but I understood why girls…women…do these sorts of things. We would have at least two weeks on a very small patch of land, and I just thought things would work out the way they should.

They never do, do they?

*

It really was a nice spot. The sun and setting were perfect, and I was happy that the beach was empty. I had better be honest about this. Barbara was the one who got the most excited about it and almost fell off the boat when we were about to dock. Didn’t help that she was steering the thing.

“Be careful…”

I knew that it was Deborah who was letting her know that she did not want to drown before she had a swim.

“She was just enjoying the view.” Sam was grinning, all beer and joy.

“Like she needs to have you crashing this thing.” I swear she had on the lifejacket at that point. Sam just kept that stupid grin going and Steve was not far behind.

“Let’s just enjoy what we can. Gotta take everything as it comes.” He was already jumping onto the dock, a little unsteady but still standing.

“Great.” Deborah took a few tentative steps and turned back to see what Sam was up to. I was pretty curious, too. I could not hear him, but I caught the end of something he said.

“…like ten years ago. Something bad.”

And then, back to Deborah, and a look in her eyes that I had never seen before. It was fear, but not like she was afraid to get carbs with her lunch, or she forgot her phone in her dad’s Audi kind of afraid. She was really scared about something. She only glanced at me for a minute and then ran up to Steve…and hugged him. I really could not take this and looked down at Mr. P. Barbara was right behind us and smiled.

The boat was in the dock and we were ready to not talk.

*

Sam and Steve were the first to go. Yeah, I’m getting right to it. It’s better to not waste any time on details instead of just telling the truth. We were enjoying the weather, and I let Patches take off and run up and down the beach. Strange thing now is thinking about how quiet it was (yes, I said “quiet”; even a deaf woman can sense these things). There was no one else around on all of that land and sky that was just perfect. Deborah was rubbing lotion into her skin like she wanted to erase the melanin. Barbara was taking her time with lunch and her own rest. But Sam and Steve… They just…

“Should we go after them?” Barbara was signing and I was not sure why at first.

“NO!” I could see Deborah waving her arms and losing whatever passed for a thought inside her head. “They’ll figure it out. They’re just being jerks!”

I was still very confused about what was happening. Patches wasn’t around, so I thought that they were all talking about looking for the dog (honestly, that felt like a bigger loss than the two brothers).

“What…?”

“They went into the woods and disappeared.”

Deborah was applying makeup, looking around at the sand and trees and probably wondering why she came.

“Tell her that they’re just jerks.”

Barbara was annoyed at this, but she did translate it, just in time for Sam to run back to us.

“You gotta help…”

“Not funny, dick.” Deborah really did need that makeup.

“No, it’s Steve. He found this cabin, but I don’t know what…”

I turned my head to look for Patches, who wisely had returned with his tongue out and his tail wagging excitedly. I knew that there was something odd about this because he is usually quite shy. It was almost as if he wanted me to go with him; wanted all of us to do that. But…

“…again, we can’t stay here.”

“It’s in the middle of the day. Nobody else is here.” Barbara might have been right about that at first. “What are we going to tell them? Someone left a warning on a door and you got scared? Just stupid.” She signed all of this and let me know that we’d be staying. But where was Steve?

“He’s looking around the place. Says he wants to make sure it’s safe.”

I didn’t laugh when I got that message. A good thing to not let that show once we figured out what was happening.

Sam looked sick.

“I’m going back.”

“Like hell you think you are.” Deborah tried to block the sandy path. “Leaving us here? No chance.”

“Then you better come and see it and not be such a bitch for once.”

I guess she liked a challenge because her face grew long with her smile. She stomped ahead of him and Sam struggled to keep up with her.

So, that was me, Barbara and Patches on the beach.

At least we had a cooler and some food.

“You hungry?”

It was strange now, with all of the quiet and… Yes, I said “Quiet”. I know that I can’t hear, but I could tell when things got silent around me. It’s that strange thing people say about losing one of the senses: the others take over; overcompensate; get heightened.

Yeah, very heightened.

Patches was totally focused on that trail. I could see the tension in his body as the sun began to go down. Barbara noticed it, too, but she did not want to be out of sight of the boat. And I was happy not to be there alone while there was some sort of rescue mission for a pair of idiots that I didn’t really like. But things don’t always work out the way they should.

I saw him bark and Barbara almost rear up when something came out from those trees. My back was turned and I could only see Barbara start to run down the beach away from the boat. This seemed strange at the time. Why not just go on the boat? Why not go to where you are safe? Why not just leave?

And why did I keep my back turned?

Like I said, I felt sorry for the dog. Patches was brave, but he wasn’t that brave. Neither would I be if I saw what I think he saw. And have you ever had a dog fall into your arms as it whimpers and whines at something that clearly has the worst intentions for you? What would you do? What would you say?

Well, I could not say a thing.

So, I began to sign.

I really don’t know why I did not just pet the poor thing, but Patches needed more than that. I kept repeating “Peace,” “Take it easy,” “Relax” as often as I could and then noted that the smell behind me was clearly getting stronger. They say that blood has that strong iron smell; the one I knew meant something awful had happened. I cut myself very deeply as a child once and thought that I would never see anything like that again (those photos you all took were just…) And there I was, smelling it again behind me; feeling a presence that you did not need to hear or talk to, with my hands mixing ASL and International figures in the air.

He knew what I was doing, right? That’s why I’m still here with the dog and no friends to speak of. He knew I could not hear him and probably thought that since I was deaf, I wouldn’t ask for anything, not even my own life. I must have stayed on that beach with the blanket and the cooler for ages until I could not sense anything dramatic. The only thing to do was to go back to the boat and figure out how to reach anyone I could with a text.

Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. I did not know if anyone would reach out when I sent the message and you got here very quickly, even in the dark.

It's strange that you're the only one who seems to care.

And what is your name again?

*

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