Shadow man

As a Catholic, I’ve always heard of stories about guardian angels looking over you, protecting you from the evils of this world. But I feel like I have a guardian demon. Although I do not know what it is. Demon, ghost, or shadow figure; either way, I have some paranormal thing that has watched me.

My first memory was about this thing, which I call shadow man. I was four, my mom worked from home then to watch me and my dad worked at his factory. While my mom was working from downstairs, I was walking up the stairs to go to my bedroom. Once I was in the hallway, I see my bedroom door open and a shadow of a tall man against the wall in my room. As I approached, it quickly darted away.

As a child, I remember waking up at night to see the shadow man stare at me from the other side of the room. I was always terrified as this ominous figure stared at me for minutes. If I did see the shadow man, I would remain still, pretend that I am asleep, in hopes that he would not bother me. He has never approached me before, luckily. Sometimes, randomly, shadow man would disappear or dart away. If I had the courage, I would run out of my room and into my parent’s bedroom.

When I got older, I would say late elementary and early middle school, shadow man seemed to disappear from my life. I was not truly conscious of the relief that I had, but I did not fear sleeping at night as I once did. Most nights, in my early childhood, I would wrap the sheets around myself completely, this way I would never have to see shadow man and he could not see my face. However, this peace of mind soon came to an end when I developed seizures at 12 years old.

A couple years later, sophomore year in high school, I believe, I had one seizure that still scares me to this day. As a lover of classical music, I listened to many great classical works including requiems (epic funeral masses for rich people). Well, I was playing Minecraft and suddenly I feel terrible. I have chronic migraines daily at this point, so this was not out of the ordinary, but my stomach felt strangely unusual. At the same time, the strangest thing occurred, so strange that it is hard to describe. It is unlike having a song in your head, it’s more like having an orchestra surround you. All the sudden, a song from the requiem (Tuba Mirum by Verdi) starts to blare in my head. As the brass instruments gets increasingly louder and faster, I knew something wasn’t right. I ran downstairs, not really knowing what to do as the instruments gets more intense. I start to feel lightheaded but would not admit that I was going to have a seizure. I went to grab the pitcher of water in my fridge, but it was empty. I rushed over to the sink to fill it up, at the same time, I placed a croissant in the microwave. The hellish choir starts singing around me in such a volume that it hurt me. As I waited for the water to fill up, I looked out my kitchen window to see a sudden darkness take over my backyard, creeping towards me. I start to lose my balance as a heavy weight comes over my eyes. The final notes of the song played and I’m pulled out of my body to see myself fall backwards and hit the floor. I saw myself seizing on the floor with anything more than five feet away was in pure darkness. Then, I see him, shadow man was right next to my seizing body, looking over me. It was the closest I ever was to him. He was over six feet tall and had no features, he was pure darkness. It was like he could not see me across from my seizing body. I could see everything, shadow man, some parts of my kitchen, and me seizing on the floor, foaming with eyes rolled back. Suddenly I awoke on the floor while the microwave beeped at me.

It was here when shadow man would start to appear in my life periodically. He would typically show up in the lowest points of my life. But then, he appeared in my dreams. Hellish they were as I was typically running away from him in some sort of structure. He never chased me, just appeared around the corner or in front of me. Eventually, my life came to my lowest point a couple months ago. September 30th, my son was aborted (I have written and posted stuff about this). It was my biggest regret in life and I still grieve over it. About a week after the abortion, I had one of the worst dreams of my life.

For some reason I was in this hotel. I was in the hallway; the power was out for some reason. Eventually I enter this room. It was a suite; the layout was strange. Immediately there was a kitchen and a lounge connected to the kitchen. In the kitchen, there were doors everywhere, leading to different rooms and closets. I step into the kitchen, there was one lamp somehow on, placed on a counter. I looked at the dull lamp, emitting a faint eerie tan light. Then in front of me I see a little black shoe, a child’s shoe. To my left I hear, “Father?”

I quickly turn to see a boy sitting at a round kitchen table. He was starkly pale with a round face and black hair. His eyes were blue, a saddened blue, as if the light in his eyes were taken from him. He was wearing what I can only describe as Victorian clothing for a child. I looked at him as I felt a huge weight in my chest. I gasped, “Son?”

“Why did you abandon me, Father? Why could I not be with you? I want to be with you.” He said in a chilling voice.

Behind him was a dark entry way to a room that I do not know. From the entry way, emerged shadow man. I was struck with fear as I saw him stand behind who was apparently my dead son. I quickly yelled, “Quick, you need to move now! Get out of there!”

“I can’t move, Father.”

I see shadow man stand right behind my son’s chair. I have never been so fearful in my entire life. I yell at shadow man, “Don’t touch him! Don’t you dare touch him!”

Shadow man moved his arms and placed his hands on my son’s shoulder. All I saw was a huge blaze occur. I was thrown back into another room that connected to the kitchen. For some reason, this room’s floor was a little more than 6 feet below the floor of the kitchen. I was in a hole. I tried to climb my way out as a dark smoke was coming from the kitchen. Then, in the doorway, stood shadow man, towering over me. I ran to the other side of the wall and tried to get out at another door, but I could not reach anything. Shadow man just stared, he did not move, he did not speak, he just stared.

I do not remember what happened after that part of the dream, only the fact that when I woke up, shadow man was at the other side of my room, watching me. I was struck with so much fear. I was cold yet sweating. Frozen yet shaking. I was crying, out of fear, out of loss, out of everything.

I have not seen shadow man since but knowing that he will one day show up again makes me feel terrified. There are things I cannot explain nor describe, all I can say is that I am fearful. Perhaps shadow man is just an illusion, perhaps I have something wrong with me (wouldn’t surprise me), but either way, I am scared.