Remembering Everything

FALL -1986

She woke up to the sound of the leaves rustling, the feel of the chill in the air & the smell of fresh brewed coffee.

2:00am?

Who’s awake? she thought as she rolled out of bed & put on her robe somberly.

Walking towards the bedroom door she could hear murmurs downstairs, coming from the kitchen. Ummm, pancakes! She could smell them cooking in the cast iron.

She slipped on her socks at the top of the stairs careful not to wake the sleeping. & tiptoed down thru the dark.

“Hunny? Are you in here?” She whispered as she rounded the corner towards the kitchen. No reply.

“Rodger?” She asked looking around not seeing anyone, the kitchen still dark. “Rodger? Where are you?”

She walked towards the stove the cast iron not hot. “Rodger? Are you home my love?” She asked a little louder walking towards the living room. Darkness is all that met her.

Confused, she walked towards the porch wondering where he could be. Maybe he’s outside smoking. She pondered heading towards the outside.

No Rodger, the light from the sconce on the wall only illuminating the steps and the pack of smokes upon them.

Perplexed by what was going on, she walked back towards the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee. Grabbing a mug from the hook she realized the coffee pot was cold.

“What is going on?” She spoke aloud making the dog on the rug jump.

“Sorry love I didn’t mean to frighten you. Where is Daddy?” She spoke to him softly, bending down to pet him. He wagged his tail ferociously, happy to be petted.

She walked back towards the coffee pot to draw up some for the day, when she heard a noise coming from the barn.

“That’s where he is, Boy.” She said to the dog who was now at her feet, “let’s go see him”

Throwing her coat on & boots she unlocked the door, that’s strange we never lock the door. She headed outside, the dog walking slowly behind her, & saw a light coming from the barn door. What is he doing out here? It’s 2am.

As she reached the barn the light dimmed, “Rodger? Are you in here? What are you doing, it’s 2?” She said as she opened the door.

Silence- all she got was silence.

She looked around, cobwebs & empty stalls met her gaze. There was no one & nothing still remaining in the barn. The dog sniffing around but shortly returning to her side.

She looked down at him “where is he, Boy?”

The husky whined, & laid down. She sat down on the haybale to her right. “Where is Rodger? What is going on?” She put her elbow on her knees & he head in her hands.

In her Peripheral she saw the light flip on in the house, “Come on, Boy, let’s go back inside.” She got up & walked towards the house, the wind meeting her when she walked out the barn door.

“It’s getting colder Boy” she said to the dog now walking next to her. “I can feel the change in the wind.”

She opened the door to the kitchen, her daughter was standing there - “Mommy what are you doing?” The little one said sleepily.

“Hey sweetie, I was looking for daddy, I thought I heard him in the barn. What are you doing awake?” She bent down & brushed the hair out of her face, cradling her in her arms.

“I can’t sleep, I heard the wind” the little girl said laying her head on her mother. “It’s so loud mommy.”

“I know, pumpkin, but you have to get some sleep you have school in the morning.” She picked her up & stared toward the stairs.

“Can I sleep with you mommy?” The little girl asked.

“Yes you can baby, let’s go”

She carried the little girl up the stairs & to her room, she grabbed the handle to open the door

“Mommy, you need to let me go” the little girl said lifting her head off her mother shoulder.

“I know baby...” she said looking at the little girl, she realized. Startled there was nothing.

“Mommy it’s time to let go” the voice said again. No child to be seen. “You have to let us go”

She jumped out of her sleep. The same dream occurred over & over again. She rolled over to an empty bed, remembering everything.