Phantasmagoria

I slammed the door and ran out into the woods of my backyard, far, until I couldn’t hear my parents’ screams anymore. I fell down to my knees, hugging my chest as tears fell and made it even more difficult to breathe.

That was hours ago and now though my cheeks are damp, the tears have ceased to blind me. The meadow that stands separate from me is like a dream. The tears that still coat the edges of my vision give the scene a soft haze making it seem more like a beautiful painting. The only thing that tells me it’s real is the sweet smell of wildflowers and the light brush of butterfly wings against my cheek, wiping away the last of my tears. The impressionist painter of this meadow pulls me into his masterpiece and I begin to play in the flowers and spin with the light breeze like a butterfly, letting go of every care that my 9 year old heart holds.

My waking dream is interrupted when I feel a hand slip into mine. A scream dissipates in my throat, evaporating through a small gasp as I recognize the boy now standing beside me. I don’t remember where I met him or why looking at his face feels like the warm comfort of Heaven. His smile speaks a thousand words as a butterfly lands on his finger as if by divine will and he places it in my hair, though I feel it flutter in my stomach as his hand traces my face.

His hand held by mine guides me up a grassy knoll to where we are greeted by the view of a dark house. I let his hand fall out of my grasp and look to see his expression inviting me toward the house. The tall gothic exterior frightens me but the memory of his smile makes me willing to follow him to the ends of the earth, even to the depths of hell.

He walks tall and confident through the wrought iron gates of this abandoned mansion, while I choke on the cold air seeping into my very soul and hold myself tight. We walk through the courtyard, or rather graveyard of seemingly all life. I feel the oppression of death looming over me as dead, black trees tower above me and wilted, black plants brush my knees. He opens the door with ease and seems invincible to the dark feeling creeping over me. He seems to float along the corridors, almost like a ghost, as we pass countless doors. Even as I hear the whisper of screams behind soundproof doors I follow him wordlessly, pulled by his entrancing allure.

He opens a corpse-like door, cracked and peeling, and looks at me expectantly and I know I must go inside despite everything in my soul telling me not to. Still, remembering the beauty of his smile makes me trust him more than myself and I step inside to see a bathroom. Grime, black mould and dirt cover every inch of the archaic room. The bathtub looks like it will give me a disease and is the last place I want to be, but I know that’s where he wants me to go. So against my will, my body takes me there, resting against the grey and black porcelain. I hug my knees to my chest and look to the boy who is staring, wordlessly, soullessly, at me. Tears and fear creep up on me as I plead with him in body language alone, as I sit feeling truly paralysed . He leans over and I offer my hand thinking he might pull me out of this place, or offer some kind of comfort, but he turns the faucet on.

At first, I’m surrounded by black slippery grime haltingly spurting out of the spout and I’m disgusted. Then, it transitions to a steady flow and the water changes from black to a dark crimson hue and I’m terrified. My tears thicken around my eyes and as much as I don’t want to be here, I cannot move. I cannot speak except to sob as my tears choke me and the blood quickly surrounding my body threatens to drown me. I plead silently with my eyes towards the boy, wishing to see Heaven once again, but all that greets me is his dead stare. I finally begin to scream wishing and willing my body to take me away from here but I remain paralysed with my knees against my chest. My screams fall on deaf ears and I know beyond this room they will only be heard as whispers.

I’m stuck here in a house that doesn’t exist beyond its’ own interior, with a boy that doesn’t exist beyond my own imagination, in a nightmare that doesn’t end with daylight.