On Being Oblivious to Your Powers

I used to get visited at night by something when I was a child.

It would stand next to my bed and just look at me. I assume it was looking at me because of the inclination of the head. I never could make out it's face. It was always dark, it came from the darkness, it was made of the darkness which is why I never saw a face.

When I was young I didn't realize it was dark. I was just scared of it naturally because I didn't know what it was. I never sensed any darkness or negativity from it, I never felt in danger from it, which may seem odd but...

It followed me into my teenage years because those are always hell. I went through myriad depressions in my early years. I went through many dark times psychologically and physically. That's when it would visit. It would manifest out of my darkness wanting to take advantage I suppose. I still never felt in danger from it, perhaps I was naive.

I began to dream about it. It always took different forms but always a man, some type of masculine energy. I still never saw it's face but here is what was interesting about that- it wanted me to see it's face.

It would chase me, intimidate me, and try to make me look at it's face. I used everything I had not to look. I knew if I saw it's face, that would be the end, I would go insane because of what I witnessed like a character from a Lovecraft story. I had an inkling of it's eyes though. Dark with pinpoint white pupils. Darkness around the eyes. Big eyes. I used all my strength in my dreams to never look at it's face. I still haven't seen it.

It tried to keep me depressed. It tried to bring me down and I never understood why until recently. We'll get to that later, but first...

An encounter, a dream that bled into reality, and I have a witness.

My best friend is sensitive. He sees things, feels things. I can usually only feel, sense, or hear things. And it isn't on call. If something wants to be heard it will call my name, not the other way around. When my best friend and I are together weird things can manifest. I told him about this shadowman. I didn't know what else to call it.

My best friend used to sleep over my house. One morning he told me he saw the shadowman. He described it to me as a tall slender entity with long arms. That rang a bell. From what I had seen it did have long slender arms and also long thin pointed fingers. But there was one discrepancy...

My best friend called it the "Tooth Fairy" and he told me why.

It's mouth was half the size of it's head and it's teeth were long and sharp.

I'd never seen that. So I thought this was a different entity. I thought this Tooth Fairy was following him around because he was the only one to see it. I thought we both had our own. My best friend warned me that it meant harm and I couldn't reconcile that with the entity that I'd had with me my whole life because I never felt any hostility from it. So I pushed that image to the back of my mind even though my best friend would occasionally ask me about him.

We had another sleepover that changed everything. This is where the dream comes in...

I was in bed, in this dream, and there was a little boy at the foot of my bed. He must have been around six or seven. Just a normal little brown haired boy standing there at the foot of my bed. I was suddenly aware that he was my son, which is odd because I hate kids and would never have any. I asked him why he was up and our conversation is as follows...

"He wants to talk to you."

"Who?"

"You know who. He's right there beside you."

At this point in the dream I froze because I knew exactly who he meant. I felt his presence and this time it was negative. This time I was scared. I couldn't move as I laid in the bed with my son watching this unfold. I felt a shadow move over me, 'climbing' onto the bed. My eyes were open but not fixed on this entity. I knew it was him. I felt his weight on me pinning me down. It didn't touch me but I refused to look at it's face once again. It tried to make me look at it again by pushing it's face near mine. I was paralyzed and I couldn't wake up. I tried to think of a way to get out of the dream, to attack this thing. The only thing I could move was my head and mouth, so I tried biting it...

I woke up biting into the air. I had woken my best friend too. We slept in the same bed. At first he didn't understand what was happening, then he sort of giggled as he watched me biting at the air. But he stopped so suddenly and so did I. I looked at my feet and just as I did the indentation in my mattress around my legs lifted. We both actually SAW and FELT the weight being lifted off the bed.

Needless to say it freaked us both out. I told him about the dream and he was flabbergasted. We both fell back asleep uneasily that night. The next day we held an e.v.p. session.

If you don't know what an e.v.p. is, you've probably never watched a ghost hunting show. E.v.p. stands for electronic voice phenomenon. So we took a recorder of mine and set it up while we asked questions. This was around ten a.m. the next morning. We weren't getting anything and were about to give up when my best friend said to replay the last recording again.

We caught something. We hadn't heard it the first time. We listened to it over and over to make sure what it had said.

We had asked it it's name. The reply was, "It's not important."

After that our interest in all of it waned and eventually we forgot about it. He stopped sleeping over.

Then something happened to me. I have no idea what. Something clicked within me. The shadowman stopped visiting me. By then I was around my early thirties. I went through dark times up until then. Something changed. I started feeling more positive. I couldn't tell anyone where this came from or when it precisely started. I noticed that the entity stopped visiting me. I became more positive generally. Every now and then I would have a mild depression or an existential crisis but nothing major. As the years wore on I got better and I can't explain why.

In a house where there was always a feeling of something dark in the corner, there was nothing now. I almost missed it. My best friend said that it only came when I was down in order to feed off my energy and to help me in my downward spiral. I guess he had been right.

Now I'm more spiritual than I was. More positive than I've ever been. I started sleeping over my best friends house, his boyfriend's house to be more precise.

Their house was known to have activity because of a cemetery only yards away. I don't know the full story of the spirits that inhabit that house but I've seen two of them. One is a little girl that I only see in flashes as she runs past the cracked bedroom door. Sometimes I hear her giggle. All three of us have seen these spirits, including my friend's mother who lives with him. The other spirit is the one I see more of. He is tall and wears a top hat. He will only stand at the door to the bedroom looking in. I get uncomfortable but he never comes in.

When I told my best friend this he seemed confused. He told me he gets better sleep when I'm over and that the spirits never come into the bedroom when I'm there. I was in shock, they came in the room?! He relayed to me several episodes where he'd wake up in the middle of the night because something had kicked open the bedroom door. They come in and he can't get any sleep. But they don't come in the room when I sleep over. He says when I stay over he feels safe because they just stand at the door and stare at me. Stare at me?! That made me uncomfortable.

What was it about me?

Earlier this year my best friend and I went to a concert for my birthday. He went all out buying vip tickets and me getting a hotel for the weekend so we didn't have to worry about driving home at night being drunk. It was right across from the venue.

I had another dream...that I did not know was a dream...

I shot bolt upright in bed and looked to the door. There was an entity there, dark, smoky, and floating. I looked to my friend to see if he had woken as well. He was out like a light. It reached out toward us but not for me. I distinctly felt my friend was in danger. Something inside me clicked and the anger spilled out. I glared at it and stuck my arm out to stop the entity. I kept thinking to myself 'you will not have my friend, you will not come near, you will never return'. It screamed as if in agony and dissipated. I fell backwards and woke up from my dream just as I had awoken in the dream. I jerked my head to the door and saw a darkness that quickly faded. I looked to my friend who was fast asleep.

I fell back asleep and told him about it in the morning. There is no doubt in my mind now of my power.

I've had tarot readings since then. One of them I asked what spirits were in my house. I expected the worst- demons. But there was nothing she said. She also told me why- it was because of me. I didn't want them there. Something about me didn't allow them to come in. She said that I had spirits watching over me. A couple are dark and wish to take advantage of me in dark times but I have the power to get rid of negative entities. I've had several readings and they are all the same.

I finally understood why my life lightened up. Why I started feeling more positive. It was me and I didn't even know.