No Tears

As night drew nearer and it became cooler Royce took one, long final puff of his cigar. He saved the fat cigar for many months and now it was time for a celebratory smoke to remember his younger brother. The pint of high end liquor he brought with him also remained unopened until this particular day.

"I salute you brother and hope you forgive me too." He wanted badly to shed tears but they wouldn't come. Royce stared blankly at the lake while standing close to the edge of the pier. He stooped down briefly to glide his hand into the lake. The extreme coolness of the water stunned him just a little. Surprisingly the area around the pier was empty and the family boat was docked only a few feet away.

"Why the hell not," he said as he decided a night boat ride would be pleasant.

Before walking to the dock he checked on his parked SUV. He remembered there were some leftover snacks, edibles, and even a backpack of candy he kept in case his best friend needed it during one of his low blood sugar moments.

Royce peeled off the liquor seal and consumed most of it before tossing the bottle into the deep lake. Lake Leery was a well known one in the town of Brush Pine. He grew to know it well as a youth and now could appreciate it even more as an adult.

Royce and his younger brother Ross had been introduced to boating, swimming, and fishing by their father fairly early in life. He always stressed there should be no fear of the lake, but they should respect the nature of water at all times. It was natural, fluid, and an unpredictable gift for anyone to enjoy.

For many years Royce tried to suppress all memories of Ross. The end of summer always reminded him of his cruel choice 25 years ago. He desperately attempted to put all memories aside especially tonight. Even though he was a teenager when the incident happened, Royce knew what he should have done but did not.

As he did a quick spot check of the boat he also prepared to undock Lady Lucky. There seemed not to be a care in the world on Lake Leery.

His eyes came across some worn oars and older life vests. There was also a first aid kit nearby. It was still a modest, nice motor boat for tonight's solo ride he thought to himself.

The Lady Lucky was still in good condition. The strong roar of the motor excited Royce and the moon was strikingly beautiful.

Royce decided to go beyond the pier and further out into the water. He was alone as no other boaters were present. Once he decided he reached a perfect spot on the lake he turned off the motor. He sat silently and breathed deeply before reprimanding himself.

"Damn, forgot my phone in the truck!" he yelled before searching aimlessly in the backpack. "Well no pics for my It'sSoMe page this time," he mumbled to himself. He ate two edibles and then began to gobble up a large bag of spicy corn chips. A small bottled water was also in his bag and he guzzled it down quickly.

Royce suddenly coughed as he realized he drank a little too much water at once. He then laughed out loud and wiped his mouth with his shirt sleeve.

" I got some of your favorite candy here too, these Salt water taffies, the sour lemon jumbo rocks, and caramel peanut cluster chocolate chunks."

Royce slowly unwrapped a piece of taffy and ate it. He could feel the effects of the edibles begin to make him feel faded.

"I might as well tell you the truth because no one else knows it but me," he said while still eating the candy. "These lemon jumbo rocks are pretty good too Ross, no wonder you always wanted them."

"Why did you always have to be the favorite one, the chosen one for everything? I guess since you were the youngest it made sense but back then to me, I felt wronged. I never understood how I could like you as a brother but not really want you around."

"Before you were born, all the attention was always given to me but I learned how to hide feeling hurt."

"Nothing I achieved seemed to matter or hold the same value or weight to our father. It seemed my milestones were quickly dismissed the same day and celebrations of your accomplishments would last for days, even weeks."

"Mom loved us both but sometimes she even made me feel different and doubtful of my existence."

"I could have saved you Ross when you cramped up swimming that day. I saw you struggling and an old oar was long enough for you to grab hold of, if I had extended it." Again he desperately tried to shed tears that would not fall.

Royce paused long enough to put a handful of candy in his mouth while he continued making the confession to the spirit of Ross. As the large jumbo lemon candy tried to dissolve in his mouth other pieces of that he didn't chew well would not go down his throat properly.

He began to cough first but as the candy seemed to become lodged in Royce's windpipe no air would flow freely for him to breathe