Knowledge is Power

​Fiddling with the locket in my hands, I sigh, remembering the Christmas I got it. Dad was still around back then. He told me he had picked it out himself, even though I knew mom had helped, but I didn’t want to ruin it for him. A heart-shaped locket wasn’t at the top of my list, however I still cherish it. I had planned on putting a picture of our dog and my parents in it. We never got that far. That was right before dad fell ill, before he lost his hair, his skin grew gaunt, and mom had to take me away.

We were with my grandparents now, their dark hair braided down their backs as we sat around a blazing bonfire, rightfully covering the stars with red flames. Everyone around speaks in their native language, which I didn’t even know my mom knew until we got here. I had spent a while angry at her for the disruption of my life, until the screams began. Around their reservation are a couple of neighborhoods, and you can see the lights from my grandma’s roof, but the way those cries for help bounced off the night sky, pierced my senses and sent my heart into overdrive. My grandma’s tribe had pulled guns out after that. Since then, everyone who lives here meets once a night like this. I cling to my mother’s side, wanting to take back all those times I had told her I was a grown-up now and could take care of myself, because clearly, I can’t. Mom and dad had always told me how smart I was, how proud they were of me for being at the top of my classes, but these days my mom made me feel stupid more and more.

Her face was pale that morning as she tore me out of bed and told me to pack a bag. I cried, frustrated that I was clueless as to what was going on, yelling for my daddy. We passed by the kitchen to leave, and the sight of the blood shut me up. Realizing my father wasn’t joining us my throat grew dry and I didn’t say anything during the week trip to my grandparents, no I couldn’t even decide on a word until my mom said we wouldn’t ever be going back to our home. I was upset about school, about trivial things. I asked her to tell me what she knew, but she shook her head and said, “I’m sorry, itan.”

I’ve been included in the meetings ever since, but I still don’t know what’s really going on. If the screams are any indication, then it’s not good. I don’t know if I feel safe here, but I’m trying to just be a good daughter, to ease the worry on my mother’s face. Sleep isn’t easy for me these days. I toss and turn until darkness takes me, but not for long. I wake to the sounds of scratching on my window. The blackout curtains are too thick to make out any shapes, so instead of investigating, I just scream. Whatever is out there shrieks, and my family comes barreling in the room.

Grandpa throws back the curtain and the sight causes my mother to faint. The first thing I recognize is the kitchen knife. Dad loved to cook, and mom got him a solid black set, so dark they looked like obsidian, but he adored them. The second is the eyes. They are larger now, pupils almost completely gone, but the shade of blue matches mine, how could I forget? Finally, it’s the tattoo. Dad told me all the time how he got it before I was born, how mom would make fun of him by saying she was going to change her mind on my name, but she never did.

‘Veda’ I read on this monster’s chest, for the similarities between it and the man I loved stop there. This creature's face is longer, his hair gone, the limbs too thin and bent in unholy ways, and claws now take the place of his nails. It stares at me as I begin to hyperventilate. Those eyes are calling to me, taunting me, reaching down into my soul as if he was saying, ‘Give in, let it take you’ but my grandmother rips me out of bed, before I hear my grandpa’s gun pop off and the window shatter.

“No! My mom!” I yell, but grandma’s grip on me is so tight, I know she won’t stop until I’m safe. More of her tribe come running into the house, speaking rapidly in their language.

“My husband and daughter are up there!”

“There’s a lot of them.” A man yells, his fear overwhelming me.

“Why are they here?” My grandma looks frustrated, like she doesn’t understand, but then she turns to me, and I feel my blood run cold.

She sends the men away, and drags me back upstairs.

“Grandma? Grandma? What are you doing? Why are we going back?”

She won’t stop, not until we got back to the door to where I had just been sleeping. Terrible noises are coming from that room.

“Child, do you know what a wendigo is?”

I shake my head, and she still won’t look at me, her hand resting on the door handle.

“It’s a creature of greed. It’s the embodiment of human gluttony. It’s a monster derived from the darkest parts of a person’s heart. They spread, like a forest fire, when they band together. Our people, we’ve been protected for a long time, because we’ve always put family first, we’ve always believed that our loved ones should stay close.”

I could figure where this was going. My dad had convinced my mom that he wanted me to grow up in an area with nice schools. He didn’t want me living on a reservation, so my mom had complied. We had been happy, but my grandparents were against it, and my father always brought up how they talked down to him about that decision.

“Your father is searching for you. He won’t rest until he has you.”

“Grandma? He’s a monster! That’s NOT my dad!”

She shakes her head, “No, dear, that’s the real version of your father. That’s who he truly is.”

“No, I don’t understand. Please, let’s just grab mom and grandpa and leave!”

She studies me for a moment and opens the door. The sight is gruesome, but I try not to scream. Grandma’s looking on in regret, but I stumble forward, reaching for my mother. The monster must not have noticed her, she’s just now coming to, watching as what’s left of the man she loves, devours her father bit by bit. Grandpa must have fought hard, for the creature is definitely wounded, but his gun is now discarded to the side and his insides are on display.

My mom finally sees us at the door and makes a run for it, alerting what was once my dad. We slam the door on its face, and he beats at it, the wood already splintering.

“Itan… they’re here for her. Take her and go.”

My mom shoots off in that language and even though I feel so clueless, I can imagine she’s telling her something along the lines of no.

However, after a few words, my mom nods, and she yanks me down the stairs. We rush outside, the reservation in tatters. The night has erupted into screams and monsters are ripping into those we knew as neighbors, but we keep going towards a hidden storm shelter door. I follow my mom in and there are five locks on the door, like it was meant for this exact reason.

“Mom, what is going on?!”

She barricades the door a little more, and then she pulls a switch, revealing a tunnel leading out of the small room. She grabs a flashlight and then the wall closes behind us.

“Let’s go a bit further and then I’ll answer everything.” She whispers, and I nod.

For a long time, we walked. It felt like days, maybe weeks, maybe just minutes, but finally she speaks. “I’m sorry I never told you much. I’m sorry you didn’t learn the language like my parents wanted. I’m sorry you were kept in the dark, but we thought the less you knew the better it would be, the more normal you would be.”

She stops walking and sits against the wall, and I sit across from her.

“There are monsters out there in the world, clearly, but I tried my best to keep them at bay. I… I didn’t think we’d lose your father like that. I didn’t think you would ever need to know the truth. I told myself, knowing isn’t everything, it won’t solve our problems, it won’t pay the rent, but god I was wrong.”

“Mom, what do I need to know?”

She opens her mouth to continue, but a screech comes from the end of the tunnel and she stands faster than I can. We begin to run in the opposite direction, a light coming from up ahead.

“Don’t look back!”

I hear the creature gaining on us as our feet pound on the dirt, but suddenly I felt those claws wrap around my leg, and I can’t help but scream.

It pulls me down, those blue eyes staring into mine, a voice entering my head. ‘Give in, let go, know the truth.’

“ASAKSIWA!” My mother shouts at him, and by looking in his eyes I can tell what she is saying. I suddenly can understand any language, solve any math problem. Knowledge flows through me as my mother shouts more power words in her native language. I can’t look away, but I can tell he is suffering. Her voice holds a magic in it I didn’t know existed, until suddenly everything begins to make sense.

“No!” She is trying to pull me away, but I can’t move, my body is like a cement block.

Finally, he blinks in discomfort, and the trance is broken, allowing me to scuttle away with my mother, but the knowledge stays. He screeches, as if warning me I needed to follow him. Looking at my father, no, looking at this monster, I take a deep breath and grab my mother’s hand. I look at her, hoping she understands, and together we yell out, “ASAKSIWA!” He flies back, his limbs shrinking back into a human shape, leaving the empty corpse of my lost dad, and a dark shape floated above, disintegrating into ashes.

“Mom?” I feel my body growing heavy.

She holds me as my knees give out, pushing my hair out of my face.

“Oh, darling. You know too much; your body can’t handle it all at once. It will start to crave more and you’ll end up like him, such is the curse of greed. You’ll grow strong, your bones will twist, but you’ll never be satisfied.”

“No, I don’t want to be a monster. I know so much now, how can I stop it? There has to be a way mommy.” I haven’t called her that in a few years, and tears spring up in her eyes.

“It’s true this knowledge given to you can accomplish many things. You’re a part of our tribe honey, maybe you can fight it, but… it’s never been done.” Her eyes won’t meet mine; I can tell she doesn’t believe that.

“Give me a chance. I…” but my words are cut short as pain shoots through my hands and legs.

“I will let you sleep, itan, and if you are a monster before you wake… well you won’t know, okay?” She is crying, but smiles at me regardless.

I nod quickly, “I love you mommy.” Being smart had never truly gotten me anywhere until I ended my father’s suffering, maybe I can end my own as well.

“I love you, too, my sweet, brave, daughter.” If not, I at least knew my mom will.

Then I sleep.