If Walls Could Talk

I'm going to get caught. I know this. I’m not so conceited as to believe any different. It's only a matter of time now. I screwed up and gave in to my selfish needs.

Rules. Rules are there to keep this sort of thing from happening, but everything changed with him. Clean, polish, next, repeat. It is my mantra. Clean, polish, next, repeat. Rules. They keep me safe.

I operate a sedation dentistry. Comfort and a Smile. Oral hygiene is incredibly important for your health. Nerves, anxiety, or whatever the case is, shouldn’t stand in the way. I offer a peaceful solution to help you through the process. Whether it is white coat phobia or fear of pain. I can help. Clean, polish, next, repeat.

I knew I wanted to be a dentist since I could remember. One of the first things you notice about someone is their smile. Looking at someone’s teeth can tell you a lot about their character. My first time at the dentist, I had no cavities. As my mom walked me out, I saw the large articulated set of teeth on the counter at sign out. It fascinated me.

Then, for having a perfect set of teeth with no cavities, the nurse behind the desk gave me a lollie. Ironic, no? That’s why I don't run a pediatric dentistry, well, among other reasons. Right before I placed the lollie into my mouth, something wonderful happened. I ran my tongue over my teeth.

That amazing feeling you get right after a clean and polish was an event I began to look forward to every six months. I would avoid eating or drinking afterward for as long as I could just so I could continue to run my tongue over my incisors just one more time.

If you’ve ever been to the dentist, you know what I’m speaking of. If not, book your appointment now before you read the rest of my confession.

I worked hard and fought my way into dental school. It didn’t come easy for me, but it was worth it. I worked even harder to take over my mentor’s business when she retired. Once mine, I started pulling in as many patients as possible.

I even started doing all the cleanings I could, relieving my dental hygienists after 5 to go home. I stayed open even longer. I’d like to say it was because I’m just a good person. Letting staff off work early, staying late for those that work, but I’d be lying to you and to myself if I did. I just wanted to be able to clean teeth alone, with no interruptions.

I digress, back to my confession. It all started about five years ago. I was working late when he came in with a dental emergency. He had cracked his tooth eating a frozen Snicker’s bar and was in immense pain. The look on his face was sheer terror when he walked into my waiting room. I couldn’t tell if it was from the pain, or from being in my space.

He explained how he had waited as long as he could. You see, he had a fear of dentists. Yet, fate brought him right in through my door. Funny how things fall into place.

I took him back to examine him and started to open his mouth. With sweat dripping from his brow he begged me for sedation. His fear of dental work was causing him too much anguish to continue. I obliged, after all, it’s what I do.

Once he was comfortably out, I opened his mouth to access the damage he had done with that frozen little bastard. As I opened his oral cavity wide, I saw the most beautiful sight in the world. The straightest, flattest incisors. They had a flawless transition from the canines to the bicuspids. The shift to his molars was almost divine. They were the perfect shade of off white. Simply breathtaking.

I was slightly taken aback. I had never witnessed such beauty in my life. Sitting back looking at him, I was dumbfounded at how such wonder could be lying in wait with such unpleasant housing.

I sat there staring. I wanted nothing more than to polish them. I had to physically contain myself. I located the badly cracked molar and in the heat of the moment decided to extract it. After the procedure, I went ahead and polished his teeth. After all, I deserved a small reward. It was satisfying as hell.

When he woke up, I got him checked out and locked the door. I went back to the exam room to clean up and there it was. It was just lying there on the tray. That almost perfect molar that he ruined with a frozen candy bar. I felt disgusted with him.

I didn’t really need to pull it, but he didn’t deserve it. I had to have it. I had to have a piece of those perfect teeth. It had to be mine.

I sat there staring at it. The crack was across the top. It didn’t hurt those beautifully smooth sides at all. I picked it up and nearly shuddered. It wasn’t polished. I could feel the “fuzziness” of the day on it. Such a shame.

I looked over to see my polishing tools still out. I reached for them and then slowly drew my fingers back. Could I?

Before I knew what was going on, I had instinctively cleaned and polished this one almost perfect molar. Once done, I slowly rolled it in my fingers, but it wasn’t the same. It didn’t have that same slick glassy feeling.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that feeling on this tooth. Goosebumps started to form on the back of my neck and worked their way down my arms.

Then, there it was. That smooth toe-curling satisfying feeling. My tongue running across the glassy surface, then biting my lip.

My eyes flew open in an instant. I hadn’t noticed until then that my tongue was carefully polishing it inside my mouth.

I immediately spit the tooth out in disgust with myself.

What had I just done...

I sat with my hand over my mouth staring at the molar scattered on the tile floor. My mind began to race. I picked up the two pieces and looked around the room. I had to hide my shame.

On the wall was a picture of a peaceful water’s edge. There was a rowboat nestled on the daisy-covered banks of the mirrored water. I snatched it off the wall and punctured through the paint and plaster with one of my metal tools.

I peered in, then dropped the two pieces into the hole. They slipped from the light and into the silent abyss below. I heard a distinct clink clink as the broken tooth skittered across the hidden floor behind.

With my forehead against the wall, I let out a sigh of relief. I stood there feeling the cool wall on my forehead until I was sure my legs wouldn't betray me. As I backed up, I looked at the hole.

I inhaled and placed the picture back over the offense in the drywall making the once peaceful lake into turbulent waters in my head. Only I knew what lied beneath those calm waters now.

Over the years, the teeth piled up. I could hear the satisfying clink as the newest treasure hit its friends below. Only the best ended up here. For years, I filled that dark hole in the wall and inside of me.

For years, that was enough.

Until…. It wasn’t.

I picked up my chart that morning and ran through my patient list for the day. I ran my finger along the column of names. I backtracked and tapped his name. Printed beside it in chunky block letters was “Cavity fill and routine cleaning. Sedation requested.” My heart began to pound. I scanned over to see his time slot: 5 PM.

I could hardly contain myself. I was on edge and shivering with anticipation. I was anxious to see his teeth again. What has it been, 2… 3 years maybe? Who had looked over him to determine a filling was needed? How hadn’t I noticed his name on my assistant’s list?

Maybe it was all for the better. I picked at my lunch, all I could think of was his teeth.

Finally, 4:30 rolled around. Only a couple cleanings left before he would arrive. My staff looked exhausted, so I slowly let them leave. One by one. At 5:03 PM he came in the door. Nervous, just as before. To not raise suspicion, I let the hygienist take him back to sedate him.

When she came back, I told her to go on home, I would handle this. She gave me a bleached white smile as she thanked me, then rambled on something about how good I treat them there and how she would lock the door. I’m not really sure, I wasn’t focused on her.

There he was. Angelic under the spotlight laid back with his lips spread and teeth slightly open. A rush of adrenaline coursed through me. I know it isn’t right, but I quickly pulled my phone out and snapped a couple photos for myself. I could feel those once familiar goosebumps form at the base of my neck, run down my arms, and across my chest.

I sat down beside him and carefully arranged my tools. They glistened in the light from above. I placed my finger in his mouth brushing his perfect bicuspid and a shudder ran through my arm straight to my chest. I stopped and took a deep breath to compose myself.

Gently, I opened his mouth to see the molar and its horrid cavity. I could see the blackness eating through to the surface. I pushed the anger down. I’d almost bet he was still eating those damn frozen snickers.

I envisioned the caramel congealing in the crevasses of his back molars. How could he do that to my teeth, my perfectly beautiful teeth. I cracked my neck, clenched my jaw, and began to drill.

Once through the surface, I was appalled. It looked like a tiny black bomb had gone off inside his tooth. So much decay. It made me nauseated to think about. I made quick work of the drill, fill, and harden.

I used a tooth-colored filling to avoid marring the perfect color of his bite. I pulled the royal blue articulating paper from my tray. The color was peaceful and always reminded me of still waters. Gently I placed the paper over the fresh filling. It hurt to cover such beauty. I cupped his lower jaw using my hand and applied upward pressure to have his teeth make contact with the paper. I did my best to attempt the ite test without his assistance.

Gently I felt the vibrations through his jaw and into my hand. Tap, scrape, tap, scrape. Repeat. The sounds danced across my soul. Correcting occlusal surfaces was a great deal easier when the patient could gently tap and scrape themselves. He refused to be awake for anything, but I didn’t mind. I liked him better this way.

Finally, it was time. A smile spread across my face. I chose the mint-lime polish and merrily went about my business. I felt the relaxing oscillations of the polisher on his teeth. It penetrated my skin and down to my bones. The gleam of his freshly polished teeth was intoxicating.

When I was through, I pulled the glove from my right hand. It came off with a pleasant snap. I pressed my naked finger against his tongue and caressed his front teeth. It skated across the glossy surface.

I was lost to its wonder and beauty. I leaned in to smell the minty citrus and hear the low squeak of my nitrile gloves across the flats of his teeth. That’s when I could hear it—clink clink clink. The whisper of teeth echoing within the wall. I was mesmerized.

I needed to feel, to taste, the glassy teeth. I held the top of his head and his lower jaw then bent to run my tongue over every tooth, caressing the ridges and sliding over the surface.

I would have never stopped had it not been for the wide-eyed stare and muffled sounds coming from behind those perfect teeth……

I pulled my face from his and froze. Staring into his eyes. They were slightly glazed from the anesthesia. He made a guttural sound and I snapped out of it.

Quickly, I grabbed the mask and placed it over his nose and mouth. His eyes rolled back into his head as his eyelids fluttered shut. I began to panic.

What was I going to do? I could 'accidentally' leave the nitrous oxide on his face and let him slowly slip away, but that would take a while. No Dentist is that stupid.

I grabbed his chart looking for any allergies or current medications. Nothing but Omeprazole. Great. Heartburn wouldn't help me out of this situation.

This is it. This is how I get caught. He will turn me in, and they will find my wall full of teeth. I tried to play through how this would all go down in my head.

At least it would be his mouth full of perfect teeth that would rid the world of my guilty pleasure. I could see him forming the words with his lips around that glossy enamel.

Through my worry, I hadn't even noticed he had come back to. He sat staring at me with wide eyes not moving.

"Well, tooth filled and teeth polished. Are you in any pain?" I flash my pearly whites at him. He sat there for a moment as if considering what to say next.

"I'm fine," he hesitated, "I think..."

"You think or you know? Stay away from hot and cold foods for now. Also, anything hard and crunchy on that side of your mouth. Your jaw will have a pinching pain from the shots we used. Take it easy. Give us a call if anything feels off. See you for your next cleaning."

I closed the folder in my hands and got up. He sat there just staring at me. "Anything else?"

"Yah, um.... Well...doc....can you have hallucinations while under?"

"I suppose that could happen. Why? Did you think you had one? What was it?" I didn't want to seem like I was prying.

"Nah, forget it." He got up and quickly and tried to scurry away, but he wasn't quite with it. I steadied him and told him to wait right here.

I ran to the front door and peered out. His wife was waiting outside. I motioned for her to come in.

"He's pretty out of it. Keep an eye on him."

"Everything go okay?"

"Oh yes, everything went smoothly. He just asked me if you could hallucinate under anesthesia. I don't know. Just humor him." I said to her, flashing my smile.

She laughed and said she would. I pretended to get things ready behind the front desk as she walked him through.

As they headed out the door, he stopped and slowly turned toward me and stared. I smiled and waved, breaking his concentration. He scurried out the door.

So, there it is. I'm sitting here at the desk wondering when the police will show up. Should I try and make a run for it? All I know is that as long as it's his teeth that tell the truth, I'll be okay with it.