I'm No Child

Okay, let me get one thing out of the way for the sake of context: I'm in my early adulthood and I am shorter than the teenagers around here. There are times when I go to a movie theater or pick up a wine bottle for myself and, when I pull out my state ID, the employee seems surprised when it reveals that I'm over 20. They don't explicitly say anything, I guess because of the shift they have to deal with, but I know that they're surprised.

I know it won't be too long until people around me are convinced that I'm not a teenager, there's something amusing about this ability to surprise strangers like this. It doesn't exactly help that I don't live on my own yet. On the plus side, my parents, who are fully aware of my age, and my ability to manage on my own and leave me alone every once in a while as a way for me to dip my toes in the water. Now, I'm pretty boring; I don't throw parties once they're out the door. Heck, most of my friends left town after graduating high school, so I spend the majority of my time making my own fun.

Recently, I was just on the couch messing around on my phone, and constantly readjusting my favorite violet hat. I enjoy wearing my violet hat mostly because of the joke that it helps keep my hair as unseen as ultraviolet. By the time I felt satisfied with the adjustment of my hat, I thought I heard something. I silenced everything on my phone and dimmed the light on it. I heard the noise again, and felt confused since I thought I was home alone. I started speed-walking towards the bathroom as quietly as I could. I wasn't as stupid as anyone would think I am; I wasn't going to play detective just to find myself in a pool of my own blood. If I chose "flight," I could hide out until the source of the noise was far enough away. If I chose "fight," I knew damn well there would be weapons around me that could be useful to my advantage.

I pressed my ear against the door and I heard the noise (which turned out to be male grunts) as well as footsteps. I looked around to see what could be useful until my eyes locked onto a shampoo bottle in the shower. I opened it and held it close to me in a protective way. I saw the knob turn slowly, and the body of an older man became recognizable from behind the shower curtain as well as with a knife coming out of this guy's hand.

The next thing I remember, I pinned the guy against the door and slammed the open bottle into his open mouth. I was slamming the bottle and squeezing its contents into the guy's mouth and I could just see the neck swallowing the shampoo down I'm guessing, because his alternative that was spitting it out was off the table thanks to yours truly. I only pulled the bottle away from his mouth when I saw him drop the knife and he felt heavier. I stepped to the side immediately without touching the guy. I grabbed enough toilet paper to cover my hand and then some to wipe down all that I initially touched, put the knife back, and set the shampoo bottle back in its place, but not without enough water and soap placed in it to give off the impression that it wasn't empty.

I quietly left the house and rushed home. I pulled my keys out from under my hat and casually made it inside. By the time I made it back to my bedroom, I placed my hat in my dresser and removed the pins from my ginger hair before getting myself ready for bed.

The next morning, I grabbed some breakfast, and joined my parents in the living room as they were watching the news. There was a report of a break-in and murder the prior night. The victim gave a vague description of a light-skinned teenager with no sight of their hair before passing away from the poisoning. The victim's partner confirmed that nothing was stolen and the police couldn't mind fingerprints.

I barely reacted and I saw out the corner of my eye that my mother was glancing at me.

"Fun night, last night?" she simply asked.

I chuckled and responded "Of course. I felt a rush as he opened a door. It was so exciting!"

Maybe a younger amateur would rush into things without much thought, but I have seen and experienced enough to think my actions through.