I killed a man

I killed an elderly man in front of his wife and basically his entire family.Forgive me for any misspellings or format I’m trying to do this on my phone. I haven’t talked about this to anyone (even though it’s been years) even my closest of friends, minus the ones that were there.One night when I was in college I was driving to get some liquor for a party my fraternity was supposed to throw the following night.I was taking a street I was very familiar with to get back to my house. It was dark but the street was lit with street lamps. I remember that I looked at my radio for a second, just a second not very long at all. But when I looked back up to the road there was a man crossing.I didn’t have any time to react, by the time I saw him he had already hit the good of my car and bounced off the side. I remember screaming and hitting the brakes, and the wash of horror of what had just happened. I’ll admit I had thought about speeding away, but I pulled over to the side and ran out of my car to check on this guy.When I got to him his family was standing outside the restaurant he was leaving and they were all screaming and crying. He has laying on the side of the road with blood coming out his nose and mouth. Two other men were standing with him trying to see if he was alright and calling 911. All I could say was “I didn’t see him” I was frantic by the time it had set in what I had done.I sat on the curb across from the family and listened to their crying in agony while we waited for the paramedics to arrive. I sat there and sobbed while to paramedics took him away in an ambulance. I don’t believe I’ve ever cried so hard and for so long. The worst part about all of it and what still kills me today was that his wife came over to me while I was distraught on that curb, sat next to me, placed her hand on my shoulder and said “I was married to him for almost 50 years. We had a good life.” Then she hugged me and said that she forgave me After everything was said and done it was ruled that it was an accident. I wasn’t charged with anything and I had one of my friends pick me up from the police station. I went down a dark path the years after that. I drank heavily, dropped out of college in my senior year, and had to move back in with my mother and father because I couldn’t hold on to a job. Even tried to kill myself with pills. It was a hard road to recovery (witch I feel I’m not fully recovered from nor do I feel I ever will be the same). But eventually I got my life back in order. Joined up with the Navy and saw a bit of the world, and now I’m on track to go back to college and hopefully finish what I started there. It took almost a decade but I finally start to feel almost whole again. I’m back to hanging with my friends, and actually going out. So maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.