Heeere's Trauma!

***Content Warning: Abuse***

The mirror showed a reflection that wasn't my own. I stood there, hair dripping, wrapped in a yellow striped towel, white-knuckling the cold ceramic sink. My reflection did the same, but still, something was off. My palms were all that supported my teetering balance as I leaned in and inspected the faux visage for its defining flaw.

Freckles, speckled across my nose and cheeks like paint splatter. That wasn't it. Hair. Yes, falling the same way, a little over my right eye, and sopping wet. Scar on my chin from when I was a kid. A little faded now, but still quite visible. I turned my face from one side to the other. Profile. Yes, the same. Tiny nose, subtle chin.

The steam had begun to bead up into water droplets and roll down the mirror. The old faucet was lightly singing its familiar tune.

*drip, drip, drip*

Huh, what was it? I leaned a little closer and looked directly at my eyes.

The eyes focused on something above me.

I peered harder at the eyes, in an attempt to force them into place. My reflection was not obeying my demands.

I intensified my gaze still further, resulting in a piercing, laser-focused glare, but the girl on the other side remained defiant.

"Look at me!" I shouted.

She did.

I regretted my demand immediately.

Her vacant soulless eyes didn't coincide with the crescent-shaped grin on her face.

I jumped back. My heart leapt into my throat. Swallowing hard, I placed my right hand on my chest as if to console myself.

I needed to regroup. I broke away from the mirror and began to pace, staring only at my feet. There had to be a reasonable explanation here. I was quick to suspect the properties of light and the nature of reflections. I also considered the process by which mirrors were manufactured and whether this particular one had something wrong with it. But you know, normally wrong, not supernaturally wrong.

My concentration was broken by an unnatural cackle.

Slowly, I turned to the demon in the mirror.

"You said 'Look at me,' " the horrifying spectacle chortled.

"Now I get to look, and looook, and looooooook!" she sang while moving incrementally closer and closer to the mirror. Eventually she had her left eye pressed right up against the glass.

Pin pricks danced down each of my vertebrae. My mind urged me to run but, like a ten car pile-up, I couldn't stop staring at the insane version of me, now licking her side of the mirror.

Thick roots burst through the ceramic tile, wrapping themselves around my ankles. I screeched and began to feverishly rip at the vines. I barely escaped them, but was able to jump to the edge of the tub, and cling to the shower curtain for dear life.

The girl in the mirror began to whistle light-heartedly like one of Snow White's dwarves, and disappeared out of frame. I glanced around for a means of escape while she was out of view. The vines were growing continually through the tile, spreading out across the floor and up the walls, blocking the bathroom door. I eyed the window, not yet overwhelmed by vines. The outside breeze blew the curtain slightly, reminding me that freedom still existed.

Quickly I flitted my eyes back at the mirror, she was still off doing whatever she was doing. Slowly, slowly, I inched across the tub rim to the window. If I could just reach it while she wasn't looking, I could escape.

Just then the window slammed shut and the lock on top fastened.

I spun around to see her jeering face leering at me, now holding a pickaxe over her shoulder.

"Hey!" She shouted.

"What? What do you want?" I whimpered. My heart was pounding and my legs felt like Jell-O.

She let her head fall unnaturally to the left like a rag doll.

"Remember the time you died?" she nonchalantly inquired.

"What?" I snapped incredulously.

Her only response was to burst into uproarious laughter and begin swinging her pickaxe at the mirror.

ting, ting, ting

She couldn't get in, right?

chink, chink, chink

I held both my breath and the curtain liner.

shhhunk

A small hole appeared on my side of the mirror.

crack...crack crack...crack crack crack

Slowly, the glass split into small veins, culminating in a magnificent, intricate, spiderweb.

I gasped.

The vines were pressing against the ceiling, the window supernaturally locked and somehow this nightmare was forcing its way into my world? What could I do?

And what was she talking about? I had never died before, people don't usually do that more than once. Plus, I was standing right here.

Unless, she meant I was about to die...

The tell-tale squeaking sound of my faucets turning on distracted me. A quick glance to the tub confirmed my suspicion, a small trickle of red liquid began to run into the tub.

"Blood?" I whispered.

The pipes rattled with pressure as buckets of blood sprang from the shower head and gushed from the sink. A fountain burst like a geyser out of the toilet tank.

I jumped from the tub rim to the window. Maybe I could find a way.

Blood overflowed the tub and the sink. It was now spilling all over the bathroom and the level was rising quickly.

With shaking hands I pried the lock on the window.

“That won’t matter,” the girl sang out.

Utilizing the whole of my upper body strength, I began pushing upward on the impossibly heavy window. I hadn't noticed my planted feet had quite literally taken root. The spindling vines twisted around my ankles, then deftly yanked me down, causing me to bash my head on the tile floor.

The collision created a ringing in my ears. My vision grew fuzzy, darkness encircled my view of the demolished bathroom floor and eventually enveloped everything as I lost consciousness.

The next morning I woke to the sound of birds. Gasping for air, I bolted upright. How was I not dead? I surveyed the bathroom for impending danger. Nothing. The bathroom tile was smooth, untouched by vines. There was no sign of any blood. Even the mirror remained intact. Had I dreamt the whole thing?

I raised my hand to a throbbing knot on my head. Huh. I must have slipped and knocked myself unconscious.

My alarm clock blared from my room next door, announcing I had an hour to get to class. I peeled myself up off the floor hurried to leave.

**********************************************************************

"So, continuing on with our unit on quantum superposition; today we are talking about the infamous double slit experiment."

Professor Fineman scrawled on the blackboard x2 = 4, x can either be 2 or –2.

My head was throbbing and the image of that face kept haunting me. I was struggling to focus on the material.

I glanced around at the other students. Sarah checked her appearance in her compact mirror. Johnny sipped coffee, the steam fogging his glasses. Laura, slack-jawed as usual, bored a hole into the space-time continuum with her blank stare.

I shook myself together and tried to catch up on my notes.

My worn binder lay in front of me. I leafed through it. Had he gotten to the section on the multiverse yet? I ran my index finger along the fill-in spots and noticed something eerie. Every single blank in my syllabus had been filled in with one word.

Dead.

I reeled back in my seat and shoved my binder away from me.

Professor Fineman continued "Let's say we shine a light at a wall that has two slits. What we would obviously expect to see is the light split into two waves and spread out. We also find that the two waves interfere with each other. At some points they can also cancel each other out."

I flinched at the sound of breaking glass.

Johnny set his mug down, and looked cross-eyed at his glasses, finding them to be mysteriously smashed. He removed them from his face as if to double check, but upon further inspection deemed them to be a loss, and tossed them to the ground. The spectacles lay on their side.

tink, tink, crack

Sarah suddenly tossed her compact away from her. When it hit the floor I could see a familiar spiderweb stretched across it.

I stared at the web. In the middle was a small hole. I watched as the veins of broken glass grew. Then, the strangest thing, I swore I saw the end of a pickaxe pop out of the tiny hole and begin to pry at the glass.

Shrieking, I jumped out of my chair and stumbled a little on the empty desk next to me.

But nobody looked up.

Professor Fineman continued, "The question on everyone's mind is: are these electrons splitting, passing through two slits at once, interfering with itself and then recombining to be one singular, localized particle?"

Laura emerged from her unconscious state and popped some gum in her mouth. While chewing she inquired "So what would happen, if you encountered a different version of yourself, ya' know... from a different reality, would one..." she paused to blow a giant bubble until it popped loudly. After which, she abruptly wrenched her head toward me and finished her question, “cancel the other... out?"

As I watched her face, it morphed to be my own, but the me from the mirror. Laura was now sitting in the middle of the lecture hall in a yellow and white striped towel, hair soaked, and a wide unnatural smile stretched across her face.

I looked around to see if anyone had noticed, or if I had lost my mind.

I had.

Every single face looking back at me in that room was wearing the face from the mirror. Professor Fineman was in a bath towel, holding chalk, talking about physics and staring right at me.

He gawked at me with wild, freakish eyes, then cocked his head like a lifeless creature and asked, "Remember when you died?"

The entire class erupted into a chaotic cacophony of baleful laughter.

I bolted out of the lecture hall, leaving my binder and backpack. I ran down the corridor to the elevator where I quite literally ran into Melissa.

"Woah, woah! Are you okay?" she placed her hands on my shoulders to steady me.

She would never believe me. I decided to keep it to myself. If I told her what just happened, I 'd be admitted to a psychiatric facility for sure.

"Um... I'm just not feeling well," I fibbed. I mean I didn't, the knot on my head was killing me and I had begun to feel nauseas.

"Okay, why don't I just take you home and you can rest."

Rest, yeah, that's what I needed.

**********************************************************************

Sunlight broke through my curtains, in two beams. I traced them to a single point on my opposite wall, near the bathroom door. Clutching the covers, I wondered why the concept of two beams of light converging gave me the shivers. I decided to hide from the light of day and bury myself under my goose down comforter.

But something shook me out of my safe hovel. It was the sound of grinding glass. I imagined a construction worker standing on broken glass, digging the heel of his work boot grinding shards to dust.

This was followed by a disturbingly familiar tink, tink, crash.

My blood ran cold again.

It wasn't a dream.

Was my alternate self trying to cancel me out?

My heart began to pump with a red hot survivalist rage.

She couldn't cancel me out! I was a physicist! I would cancel her out!

I threw my covers off me, leapt out of bed and ran towards the bathroom door. Continuous smashing sounds echoed from inside. I flung it open and jumped into the middle of the bathroom facing the mirror, ready to fight.

"What do you want?" I could feel the blood rushing into my cheeks as I screamed.

But the mirror wasn't broken. The bathroom was clean, the tile floor intact. There were no signs of the monster anywhere.

Relaxing my arms, I breathed a sigh of relief, and decided to draw a bath.

As I waited for the water to fill I chalked it all up to a wild dream.

Steam began to build in the small room as I waited. Out of habit I walked over to the mirror and wiped the fog away.

As soon as my hand had made the arch across the mirror it shattered.

Jumping back, I shouted "No! You don't win!"

Her sniggering began low but then filled the entire room, as if I was surrounded.

A long spindly hand burst through the middle of the spider-webbed mirror. It gripped the edge of the broken glass and pulled it inward toward itself. Realizing I had no real weapons, I turned to run.

The beast pulled herself out and balanced on the gaping mirror like the ropes of a wrestling ring, then launched herself onto me.

She straddled me, laughed maniacally and wildly pawed at my head.

"Get off! What do you want?"

"You don't remember," she sang.

"Remember what?"

She said nothing. She only reached inside her shirt and pulled out a childish looking necklace. It was a metal heart, painted red, with a bell inside. She dangled it over my face.

I didn't know why, but it had my attention. She let go of the necklace and pressed down on my arms and legs while she angrily explained.

"He straddled you. The construction worker... he held you down like this," she hissed venomously.

Suddenly I smelled the strong and unmistakable smell of Double Bubble gum. Tears welled up in my eyes.

"You were just sitting on a sidewalk, blowing bubbles..." She trailed off, looked past my right shoulder for a brief moment, possibly filled with sorrow. I jolted in an attempt to get free. She shot her icy eyes back to me and forced me down again.

"Then! she shouted in rage. " When you threatened to tell..."

She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me wildly toward the bathtub. I pulled away, stumbled back but then staggered to my feet. She ran at me but I was able to shove her. She sprawled to the floor but then jumped back up. She bellowed an unearthly guttural scream, and then, with superhuman strength, sent her fist sailing into my face. I could only see stars. I crumpled to the ground. She lifted me up effortlessly and tossed me into the tub.

Water washed over me.

She continued.

"Then! When you threatened to tell, he held you down like this!"

She pressed her hand on my forehead and plunged my face under water. I tried to get up, but she sat on top of me. I fought, I struggled, I did. I tried...

Images flashed before my eyes. Sweet moments from my life. Birthday cakes, summer days, and slumber parties. But then came other flashes from the reel of my life. A construction worker. A poor little girl with wet hair wearing a red heart necklace. Double Bubble Gum. It was then I remembered.

She was right, I had died.

Icy stabbing pains filled my lungs. Rings of light encircled above the rippling water. I could still see her maniacal smile as the darkness encroached and then swallowed me whole.

**********************************************************************

My therapist tells me I had a near death experience when I was a child. Apparently I repressed it and the abuse for 24 years.

With this knowledge I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and see a reflection that isn't my own. Gone is the girl I once thought I was. I know the truth now. Soulless eyes stare back, eyes that now belong to me and meet my gaze. I wonder how long it will be before I see myself in the mirror again.