False Positive

A few days ago a trailer for a new Hulu original movie came up on my Firestick. It was for a movie called False Positive. The trailer was super intriguing and I couldn't wait to watch the movie.

You can watch the trailer for yourself here:

On release day, my husband and I got cozy in bed and turned it on ready to be blown away by some amazingly creepy horror movie. Now, I never review movies, so this is a first for me. This movie was such a complete let down that I feel obligated to talk about it. Maybe that's the point of entertainment, right? Even if we don't like something, we still talk about it, gaining said project the attention it wanted in the first place.

I want to try and not be so completely negative towards it because maybe there are some people out there who actually would like this train wreck of a story. For me though, I don't think I have ever seen something so... bad. There are no words. None. Which never happens to me. I feel like this movie legitimately stole an hour and a half of my life. I've seen some real stinkers but this...? THIS?! This definitely takes the cake.

This review will contain spoilers so if that's something you don't want to read, please click out now.

Still here, eh? Ok.. here we go.

My rating:

I want to be generous from a cinematic angle and at least try and give it some credit, but I can't even in good conscience give this movie a whole star. If I had to give it some kind of participation trophy just for existing, well I guess I will give it 1/4 star out of 10. Again, that is being generous.

What's it about? :

The movie is based around one main character, Lucia, who prefers to be called Lucy.

We find out that she and her husband have been trying for a baby for two years with no success. Her husband suggests going to Dr. Hindle who is an old friend of his. Lucy tells Dr. Hindle that she feels she has been doing everything right. Eating well, exercising, and hasn't even had a drink in two years. There is a really awkward and weird check up scene where Lucy is just chilling while getting her temperature taken and all kinds of other things.

This was my first issue with the movie. Anyone who sits there smiling while they are getting a big stick shoved down their throat, having their temp taken, and generally being poked and prodded is either imaginary or a straight up psychopath. It was like watching a weird ad for some creepy cult office.

After everything is done, Dr. Hindle tells Lucy that her hormone levels are just a little out of whack and it's an easy fix. She will be pregnant in no time at all. Cue the creepy almost rape-like artificial insemination scene. This was very uncomfortable to watch. I felt like a voyeur. Lucy gets a whole load shot up in her and looks oddly turned on by it.

Now, I'm a woman and mother. I have had those kind of exams where doctors have to peer up into your cervix and anyone else who has been in this situation knows it's nothing to smile about. Get in, swab, get the flip out, am I right? That's not a question, of course I am!

Well Dr. Hindle takes his sweet time getting a whole eye full of Lucy's lady bits and then pats her on the leg while disturbingly lubing up all his tools like he is pleasuring himself. I found myself yelling at the screen through out this whole scene. It was gross and disturbing and generally uncomfortable. He followed it all up with a hug. Weird.

Ok so.. moving on. Lucy is pregnant and joins some Mommy group where she talks about being pregnant with all these other women. She is seemingly happy and excited to have some pregnant girl friends to do this with as her mom passed away a year ago and she is an only child with no mentioned family. At her next check-up, Lucy find out that she is pregnant with not one, not two, but THREE babies. Two boys and one girl. Her and her husband's celebrations are short lived when Dr. Hindle tells them that they will need to have a selective reduction. After all, Lucy is high-risk.

If she keeps all three babies, the chances of not having a good delivery or losing all of the babies goes up significantly. Dr. Hindle tells them that they have to choose which babies to eliminate. Either the one girl or both boys. Lucy wants to keep the girl, whom she had already named Wendy because of her late mother's love of Peter Pan. Her husband wants to keep the boys. His argument is that they may never be able to have another kid and they always wanted more than one. She proceeds to tell them that two at once seems like a lot of work and that she has always pictured a girl, not boys.

He eventually agrees and then the procedure happens. There is a weird nurse named Dawn who comes and tells Lucy that it's best to not tell anyone about the procedure because of how many judgmental people there are in the world. She goes home and is wearing a silk nighty standing in front of a mirror looking at herself. This is something that happens ALOT during the movie. Lucy is scantily clad and sporting erect nipples close up. Not sure why? Anyways, if that's somethign that you don't want to see, there is a lot of it in there. Every night this girl is wearing lingerie while pregnant. Okay, back to what I was saying. Lucy is admiring her bump in the mirror when she starts bleeding.

Dr. Hindle says her uterus is just stretching out and that everything is fine. He assures her that he can hear heart beats and that he doesn't need to check on Wendy. They go home and Lucy starts having break downs. She insists something is wrong and decides to go see a midwife who is on the cover of a magazine she found in Dr. Hindles office. I mean, I think she saw her? It's like a weird dream sequence. She is watching her Ipad something that appears to be an ad for the midwife and all of a sudden, the woman is talking to her and she is there. Grace Singleton, the midwife, tells Lucy to release her frustrations and goes on some ramble about how powerful women are and how amazing their bodies are and then all of a sudden Lucy is screaming in her room. Her husband comes in to check on her and she was like, "Oh, I guess I was just dreaming." I don't even know at this point what is happening. Nothing makes sense.

So, moving on. Dr. Hindle asks Lucy's husband, Adrien to write a speech about how great he is so that he can accept some weird award for having a God complex because according to him, "God doesn't make babies, he does." Lucy is the one to actually write the speech and Adrien gives it. During this scene there are flashes between the speech and the couples home. Adrien gives Lucy some weird gold bracelet that has to be screwed on to her arm. She tells him how beautiful it is. Then he is violently groping one of her breasts and she looks uncomfortable. Then all of a sudden some weird pregnancy sex scene that my brain couldn't even make sense of because it's all just flashing back and forth between Hindle accepting his award and this weird soft core pregnant porn bracelet scene. I'm really not sure of the relevance of any of it.

I thought maybe the bracelet was gonna be something that had a tracking device or something in it because I personally have never seen a bracelet that you had to screw on to your arm and were unable to take off by yourself.. but the significance is never explained so I really have no idea. Maybe it was just a bracelet.

Later on, Lucy breaks into a safe where her husband has all these photos and documents on her and her whereabouts. It shows where she has gone. Talks about her state of mind. Has candid photos of her. Mentions something about her going to see the midwife. She takes these papers to one of the girls from her pregnancy group, who asks if she can take them to her husband (who is a lawyer) to get a "lawyers perspective" on it. Nothing ever comes of this because she is also one of Hindle's patients. Lucy has a weird dream where her husband and Dr. Hindle are about to get it on in a hotel room. There is also no significance for this scene.

Later, Lucy tells her husband that she is going to finish her birth story with Grace (the midwife) and he blows up. She is completely calm through this scene talking about her delicious smoothie and prepping for her baby shower.

At the shower, Lucy is opening her gifts when her friend (that same one who took her papers from her with her 'evidence') gives her the gift of a first edition Peter Pan book. When she gives it to her, she presents it to 'Lucia', not 'Lucy'. Which causes Lucy to get up and run away because her friend has only ever known her as Lucy, not Lucia. Only the clinic at Dr. Hindle's practice knew her actual name.

It comes out that they're all been talking about her case and she is livid and goes into labor. They go to her midwife and Lucy starts to deliver her baby, Wendy. Only, it's not Wendy. "It's a....boy." says Grace Singleton. Saw that one coming. Obviously Dr. Hindle and her husband killed the baby girl and left the boys in Lucy's womb. No surprise on her husband's behalf. He already knew. Grace tells them they need to go to the E.R. due to complications and the very next scene is Dr. Hindle delivering baby boy number two and the dead female fetus.

Everyone is so happy, except Lucy who wanted a daughter, not these boys. She goes to the midwife and says she can't believe what happened and Grace is like, "Yeah, it's crazy." Only Grace doesn't look like she did during the whole movie. Neither does her office. Grace denies her office ever looked the way Lucy described and Lucy heads over to Hindle's office where she begins to make a scene and the crazy nurse tells her that her husband is joining the practice.

Lucy is upset and then goes into the delivery room after Nurse Dawn leaves her alone. She finds the dead fetus of Wendy laying on a table in a bag. Not sure how long she's been there but Lucy is up and running around so I'm sure it's been a hot minute. Dr. Hindle comes in and Lucy says she wants to take Wendy. He then tells her that the babies are not her husbands but his and shows her his big freezer full of his own ahem... specimens.. that he frequently injects women with.

Lucy claims he raped her and then starts beating the living day lights out of him. Nurse Dawn comes in and then they start fighting. She feels the need to tell Lucy she has no gag reflex and Lucy kills everyone. She walks home all covered in blood after telling everyone in the lobby (who somehow didn't hear the whole office being destroyed and people screaming) that they need to find a new doctor. She takes her babies out of the crib and holds them out of the window and they float away. Then her husband comes in and she is just standing over the crib. She takes the babies out of the crib (because maybe she was hallucinating tossing them out of the window, who the hell knows at this point?) She hands them the babies and screams at him to leave.

She grabs the bag that contains the dead Wendy fetus and starts breastfeeding this dead baby... only the baby starts suckling. The End?

Are you confused? Because I sure the hell was. This movie made absolutely no sense. I can't even believe any of the actors and actresses agreed to making this train wreck. I don't think it could have been worse if they tried. If given the choice between ripping off my own eyelids and watching this movie a second time, I'd say buh bye to my eyelids. Would not recommend to anyone. This isn't horror... I mean.. the acting is, but that's about it.