Deadly Dreams

I have always been one prone to having lucid dreams.

Ever since I was a little, I've been close to my subconscious, not knowing until early adulthood, how important the relationship you have with your own subconscious mind actually is.

These past couple of nights, I've had numerous dreams on separate occasions where I am confronted with the deaths of my loved ones.

One night, my eldest sister had passed away in one of my dreams (who is still very much alive today), and from what I can remember, my first boyfriend I ever had has somehow been making his way into my unconscious, he too, passed away along with my sister. . .ironically enough, that dream in particular, I had been able to communicate with both my sister and my ex once they passed, as easily and as normal as if they had still been alive.

In the dream, it felt natural, as if I had expected for this odd ability of medium ship to occur.

I was in complete contact with the afterlife. What was most odd was that my sister and my ex boyfriend had both appeared as physical as they had when they were alive, however it felt that, among us three, we were the only ones really aware of their passing.

I don't remember much else from that dream, there was sorrow from other family members who had made there way into it, once discovering my sister had passed.

I believe now that I am reflecting on it... I had been saddened to begin with too, that is until my ex suddenly passed, and I realized that I could communicate with them both from the "great beyond".

What's interesting is that I have always been drawn to the world of the paranormal, and since 17, have evolved towards this direction of wanting to strengthen any psychic abilities that I may possess.

Medium ship is something I still hold some skepticism towards but I do believe that there is some truth to it, that it can also bring a lot of healing and closure to those who are grieving from the loss of a loved one.

The next dream of death I had involved one of my long-life friends.

In the dream she had passed, and had an awareness that she was going to! She even knew what I would be able to see her as, once she did.

She described a purple mass of energy, almost wisp-like, that would symbolize her soul/spirit visiting me after her physical death.

Sure enough, once she had died in the dream, I was confronted with a purple mass of spinning energy just as she had described; and was completely emotional, not in the sense of despair, but more so emotional with joy and happiness; knowing that she had evolved from her physical body and was ready to journey unto the next steps in her soul's path.

These dreams surrounding death are recurrent and have been consistent almost every night these past couple of slumbers.

This is a sign to me from the Universe.

A message that my guides and angels are trying to send to me about my waking-life.

I haven't had the chance to draw any conclusions, so here I am on Vocal, journaling, hoping I can connect any dots that come up.

From what I can see, my waking-life for the past couple of weeks haven't been the easiest.

I've been in a "waiting-period" with life for quite some time, waiting for a lover to return, waiting to start working, waiting to move out, waiting to get a car, waiting, waiting, waiting.

I have also have had to process a lot of losses and setbacks within the past month, enduring the stressors surrounding the holidays, and dealing with an annual trauma that falls on New Years Day.

Needless to say, life has been rocky, and in terms of the Tarot, it's definitely been a period of "Tower" moments or, spiritually, one can refer to it as a period of the Dark Night of the Soul.

I've purged, I've journal-ed, numbed, distracted, meditated, bounced back and forth in my progress, all to come back to realize that I am still here today. . . breathing, fighting, stronger than ever, nearly at the finish of this karmic cycle.

I believe that is what my subconscious may be speaking to me in my recent dreams involving death.

With death, ALWAYS comes a rebirth of something.

I see these dreams as confirmations that the old "me" has died out, and that I am ready to venture out into who I have become up until today.

By being able to communicate with the afterlife, this is an ability that I never had before and is being confirmed as I sleep... that there are talents out there waiting for me to claim and master.

All I can say at this point is...

Here's to tomorrow, and beyond.

Who will I be, a year from now?