Creep

Dear beloved,

I don't know what made me fall in love with you, for there are so many things that drew ne to you. It might have been your eyes, the way their sea bluish green depths glittered with amusement and humor as you listened to the joke your friend was telling you. It could have been the tattoos that were hiding beneath the sleeves and collar of the deep, forest green turtleneck you were wearing. Then again, it may have been your long, black hair that gently brushed your shoulders. No, it was definitely your smile; how it seemed crooked and full of hidden humor.

Whatever it was, I knew that I had to have you. Somehow, some way, I wanted to have you. I wanted to make you happy, to protect you from the things that hurt you. I could see it in your eyes, how old they look, how much life they've seen in the short amount of time you've been alive. You look so young, yet seem so old.

I love the pranks you pull. The mischief in your eyes when you watch the face of your beloved victim, as they unwittingly find themselves at your mercy. I love your laugh, how pure and sweet it sounds, though you don't laugh very often. I want to make you laugh, every chance that I get. You could solve world peace with that lovely laugh of yours.

Your scars are beautiful. I know that you tried to hide them with tattoos, and the ink looks beautiful against your pale skin. I want to kiss each and every one of them, until you know that you're safe, until you know that each and every one of them is a beautiful reminder of where you used to be, and that life is wonderful now. I could stare at you for hours, admiring your beauty. I want to paint you, to draw you.

Your name is fragile, and is something that I keep close to my heart; Leif. So pretty, so fragile, so simple, yet so exotic. I whisper it to myself when I feel alone, knowing that one day, I'll be able to whisper it to you lovingly as we make love for the first time. I don't want to assert dominance over you, nor do I want to make you feel as though you're a possession. I want you to feel cherished, to feel as though you're the most divine creature that has ever lived. I don't want to fuck you like and then leave you the way that your past lover who I will not name, did to you.

The lover that I will not name, treated you as though you were trash; as though he were better than you. He wanted nothing more than his own pleasure, and used you to get it. I watched as you cried after he left, and how you told yourself that it would never happen again. Yet he kept coming back, using you no matter how many times you pleaded for him to go away, to stop. Until eventually, he disappeared, never to be heard from again.

I saved you from the pain he caused you, from the misery you were drowning in. I followed him, learning his schedule, his behaviors. I did this for months, before I made my move. I intercepted him on his walk home from work, held a chloroform saturated rag over his mouth and nose, and once he was subdued, I zip-tied his hands behind his back, and did the same with his legs. I also put a couple pieces of ductape over his mouth. i won't get into the grisly details of what I did to him, Leif, but needless to say, he won't be darkening your doorway ever again.

After I disposed of what was left of him, I returned to watching you. I love learning new things about you, and when I returned my attention to you, you were learning to paint. I didn't know you were so good at art, and I imagine that yo udesigned your tattoos yourself. I love watching the look of concentration on your face, watching the way your muscles move under the old tee shirt you wear when you create a new masterpiece.

I finally got up enough courage to say hello, so now that you're nearing the end of my letter, I've cut the phone lines in your house, and I'm hiding somewhere, watching you read this. We'll be together soon my love, and after that, nothing will hurt you ever again. I love you Leif, and I hope that you love me too.

Sincerely,

Helena