Angel or Demon?

This bath is long overdue. I deserve this. I have been waiting for this all week. My Friday night bath is a routine of mine that I hardly skip. I can’t say never because there are always exceptions to the rule. Like tonight. The bath is later than usual because I went out to an after work spot with some colleagues. The vibe was cool and the music was right, but I look forward to my self care Friday nights which means I try not to stay out past 10. The steam from the running water has turned the mirror foggy and the bathroom hot. I begin to undress and I think of the man with whom I exchanged numbers. He was a fine brother who smelled so good. He wore Prada Black and I think it’s lingering on my clothes. He was successful too and we worked in the same neighborhood, I wouldn’t mind going for lunch.

My shower and jacuzzi style bathtub are separate fixtures. As the tub is filling, I go into the shower to rinse off the day’s dirt and shave. I stand there soaping and rinsing, thinking of all the week’s stresses along with all of their solutions in order to really cleanse. Crying in the shower is the best because it’s almost like the water cancels out the tears. I cream up my legs and begin shaving. Ouch! Blood starts rushing down my leg and I feel a burning, stinging sensation. I can’t remember the last time I cut myself shaving and this was bad. I had a vertical cut almost an inch long right up my shin; one of the worst places to do it. I finished both legs and my bleeding has lessened, but not subsided. I step out the shower onto my floor towel. When I bring my other foot out, I slip into a half split catching myself on the door bar before I break myself into two. What the $@%?!

With my candles and incense burning, I slowly pull myself up and hope I don’t have any other life threatening accidents. I notice the water is about to overflow in the tub so I jump to shut it off. I pull the drain to let some of the water down while I put my music on. My mood will not be shifted. Something great is about to happen to me if I’m getting all these slip ups or is it something really bad? I shake the eerie feeling, take a sip of my Sweet Bitch, shut off the faucet and step into the tub. The water is perfectly hot and gives my body goosebumps as my toes touch the water. I slowly step in and submerge my body embracing the warm intensity of the water. The water level rises at the weight of my body and a splash of water hits the floor. I rock to the Spice song playing as her songs always get hype.

I wiggle my toes under the water and motion my body back and forth creating small waves. I sing along to the song and listen to my echo. It always sounds like you could sing when you’re in the bathroom. When the song finishes, I lower the volume and close my eyes. Time for some affirmations.

I am enough.

I am wealthy and healthy.

I am secure.

I am safe.

What was that? I sit straight up at the sound of the door creak. I’m frozen, staring, with my heart pounding. My cat comes strolling through and I didn’t realize how tense I was until my shoulders relaxed. I slowly submerge my body back under the water while keeping my eyes on the door. When the water reaches my chin, I close my eyes, hold my breath and continue beneath the surface. I open my eyes when my head hits the bottom of the tub and my nose releases some oxygen bubbles. I begin counting. 1...2...3...4...this is therapeutic for me. Being under the water and counting is the only thing I can focus on in these moments, absolutely everything else is on pause. Very refreshing. 10...11...12...13...14...15...16...17...18...19… suddenly a black cloud or black figure is above me, above the surface of the water. At the moment I attempt to come up is the moment this figure begins to hold me down.

I try to fight against the force and grab out in front of me, but the feeling of being held down is not physical as there is nothing to grab onto. As I was about to severely panic, I hear a voice say, “If you panic, you will die faster.” I immediately stop moving and keep counting, 20...21...22...23...24...25...26...27...28...29...30. When I hit 30, I close my eyes and try to relax hoping I just float to the top and take that sweet breath of fresh air. “That’s it. Relax and it will all go away.” I feel my body gradually floating to the top. I become even more anxious at almost reaching air and take that first gasp of oxygen once my nose and mouth break the surface.

I begin to pant the more time I am out the water and without realizing it, I am standing upward on my feet with my chest palpating. “You got what you wanted so now continue to relax so I can finish”, the voice says. I go to scream out “Finish what”, but I can’t open my mouth as it glued shut. My arms are involuntarily raised and opened to where I am in a crucifixion position. I begin to cry and this feels like the only thing my body is allowed to do. As the tears roll down my cheeks to the tip of my chin and drip to the floor, I notice they are blood red. “In order for this to work, I need you to be silent and at 60% blood volume.” I cry harder at that message and hear “thank you for speeding up the process.” Speed up the process? So if I stop there is no process? At this thought, my tears stop. After about a minute of nothing I almost relax when I feel a buildup happening around me. A buildup of this thick force sucking the energy around when suddenly there’s a piercing sting in my hands and feet. The sting is so painful I am clenching my teeth and unable to open my eyes. “Cry bitch. You don’t want to get me mad.”

The scream I attempt in forgetting I don’t have a working mouth gets stuck in my throat causing this unpopped scream bubble to fill my chest. “You will die”. I begin to cry. Cry hard enough that my mouth suddenly bust open and I let out this bellowing cry begging for my life. The tears would not stop. They were still blood red. All the faucets in the bathroom were now turned on. The flow was so aggressive the sinks, tub, and shower were overflowing onto the floor. The room must have been sealed because the room was filling up.

There is a war going on in a world you cannot see. An inevitable war that fulfills the fate of the future. You will birth the being that cannot be stopped. This being will be born and given the choices to make all the right decisions or all the wrong ones. This being will either save your world or destroy it. As this room fills, you will experience all 10 months of pregnancy. When the water level reaches Paramount, the labor will begin. Then we will wait until the birth is complete. You will not survive the birth in this world, but your fate will be revealed in the other world.

My mouth is glued again and my tummy begins to grow. I feel nauseous and my breasts tender. I feel fluttering and kicks as my tummy grows more. I feel back pain and pelvic pressure as I pee myself. The back pain turns into cramps as the water level reaches my neck. The water is heating up as it reaches my nose and as I think I’m going under again I am tilted where my face stays above water. The pressure and groin pain intensifies and since I cannot scream, the stifled cry causes me to bleed from my eyes, ears, and nose. The water around me turns pink like watered down pink lemonade and right then I feel it, a crawling sensation from down between my legs. The sensation starts at my pelvis and creeps down to my toes. My legs are lifted and bent at the knees preparing for the arrival. The water has now reached an almost boiling temperature that has added to the pain. I can feel myself fading out when I hear “No, no. I need you awake.” Music begins to play. The melody feels familiar and just when the song reaches it’s climax so do I. My mouth opens and my scream shatters the glass under the water. As the shards disperse, everything slows down. Suddenly, a baby crawls out and swims around me. It’s umbilical cord circles me like a snake going in for its squeeze and that’s exactly what it does. The baby bites the cord off and the loose end enters my mouth and the squeeze becomes tighter and tighter.

Thank you, your job is done. Whatever the outcome of the worlds, will be embraced. This is not the end, but your beginning.