All Is Lost

Yesterday was my last day. It was supposed to be my final day. I was ready to leave and let go of everything. I thought I was ready, but I ran into you. You were so quick to apologize for bumping into me. I should've thanked you for what you did. I shook my head and never said a word. You didn't look at me for a reaction. You didn't wait for me to say something. You apologized and walked right past me. I let you go on with your day and forget all about me. I felt so stupid to have completely forgotten how to interact with strangers. I should've looked you directly in the eyes and told you how I felt. I should've stopped you from leaving. I lost you.

I've been sitting here for a while and you're running a few minutes late. You entered the coffee shop around 9 AM. I hope you know that it's about to be 9:30. I must look stupid sitting alone at a table with no food or drink. But- I'm not stupid. I know that this is something I have to do. I have to speak to you. I crave to hear your voice again.

I did my best to look approachable. I wore my newest blouse and my favorite jeans. I feel good. I haven't felt good in a while. I know that this feeling is temporary. Once I switch into something I normally wear, I'd go back to feeling worthless. I'm really good about not caring about what others think. I stopped trying to look "pretty" a long time ago. I thought I was brave and confident enough to pull anything off. Throughout that journey, I began to stop putting effort into other aspects of life. I somehow grew smaller and all my self-confidence diminished. I did something bold today. I did this for you. I hope you can see the effort I put in to get you to talk to me.

Why aren't you here yet? Strangers keep entering the shop and I keep thinking it's you that's walking in. You're going to show up, right? Or am I too late? I decided to stay here for you. I can't explain what you did to me. There's something special about you. The universe chose to make you bump into me. You could've passed me without touching me, but you accidentally bumped into me. And you could've walked right past me without apologizing. You didn't have to say anything but you decided to speak to me. The universe told you to save me. Now the universe is telling me that we're meant to be together. I need you to-

Oh my god. You're here. You are standing across the room. Are you looking for me? You keep looking in every direction except where I am sitting.

I stand up and wave. You look at me and immediately turn away.

The cashier calls up "Angel" and you walk up to her. That's what your name is. Of course, it is. It all makes sense.

You pick up your drink and already you're walking towards the exit. You can't leave just yet.

"Hey, Angel".

"Yes? Do I know you?"

"I need to talk to you about yesterday," I say hoping that you remember me.

"Yesterday?" You ask.

"You saved my life. You accidentally bumped into me and you apologized-"

"I was in a rush. I didn't mean to... bump into you," you awkwardly finish your sentence.

"Do you have a moment to talk?"

I guide you to the table I was sitting at and hop onto my chair.

"Are you okay? Can I get you some help?" Angel asks concerned.

You are making eye contact with me. Your eyes are dark brown and you have a small tooth gap- which I did not expect. You must not realize that your face is scrunched up as you're trying to figure out what exactly is going on. You are worried about me and you don't even know my name yet. You are perfect.

"I'm better now. I saw you yesterday and I decided to stay. I think the world has chosen you as my partner, I explain.

"I'm sorry, what?"

Why are you being so difficult right now? It's not hard to understand.

"Yesterday we were here at the same time. And you were standing in front of me. There is a reason why I am here again. And there is a reason why you are talking to me right now."

You are reaching for your keys. Are you going to leave?

"Where are you going?" I question.

"I have to go," you respond.

You get off the stool and grab your drink.

"Will you be here tomorrow?"

Angel doesn't even look at me when I say this. What did I do wrong?

...

I'm here a few hours earlier than yesterday. I decided to come earlier because I figured you might come earlier to avoid me. I know I am meant to be with you because that is why I am here. If I wasn't supposed to be with you, I wouldn't be putting in so much effort in trying to talk to you. I know I am still here for a reason. I just need you to stay with me. You need to understand that you're mine. You need to put in the effort too. The last time that this happened to me the guy completely disappeared out of my life. We got along and we talked every day on the bus. We became good friends and I was so sure he was my lifelong partner. I was so sure until I told him about the world's plan. I told him we would start dating soon but he got upset. He doesn't understand how the universe works. He blocked my phone number and I never saw him again. I took the same bus as him for 2 weeks straight. As expected, he stopped taking that bus. This whole situation messed me up. I was so hurt and I felt betrayed- I had convinced myself that love was not real. I know better now. Angel is the one for me. Angel is different. Right from the get-go, I knew he was important. I was confused with the last guy. I expected too much from someone who doesn't understand that the universe assigns us a partner. I am the only girl for him.

You're going to walk in. I have to get the door for you.

I get out of my seat, but you arrive at the door before me. I was supposed to grab the door for you so you could walk in.

I head back to my seat and watch you stand in line. I know you know that I am here. When you get your drink you're going to sit with me again. I hope you can stay longer today. You'll probably keep asking me questions instead of trying to get along with me.

"Angel" I hear the employee call out. You step to the front of the line. You always order your drink before you enter the coffee shop. You better not be in a rush today.

Oh wow. Today you have two drinks. Did you buy me a drink? The universe is making it so obvious that you're my partner.

I stand up and signal for you to sit at my table.

You look at me. You smile. You continue walking.

"I'm over here," I say in a loud tone.

You continue walking and now I am following you. You walk out the door without holding it for me. What are you thinking?

You go up to a guy and he hugs you tight. Your friend is acting like he hasn't seen you in years. You hand him his drink and he presses his lips against yours. Are you insane? I am right behind you and you're already betraying my trust!

I back up against the window as you stay standing on the sidewalk. Are you doing this on purpose? Are you trying to hurt me?

"Angel?" I murmur.

You walked away from me. Your feet led you to someone else. Your friend kissed you. That explains the look in your eyes. That explains your happiness. That kiss explains it all.

You get into his car and completely disregard me staring at you. And like that, I lost you again.