Warning: This article contains mild spoilers for our ghoulish Valentine's Day horror movie picks. Read on — if you dare!
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner — y'know, that time of the year where stores sell overpriced goods like flowers and chocolates. If you’re a singleton, Valentine’s Day is also the time when your singledom is emphasized. For example, you can’t take advantage of couples' discounts (sigh). I especially shudder to think what’s going on inside movie theaters at this time of year, with couples sneaking kisses rather than paying attention to the movie. What better way to avoid the Valentine's madness than cosying up with a movie at home? You definitely won't feel so lonely — or dare to switch the lights off — after taking your pick from these horror flicks.
Alone is a story about conjoined twins, who unfortunately fall in love with the same guy. Though they’re the sort of twins that can be separated, their mother chose not to, until one of them died. The spirit of the dead girl came back to haunt her living sister when the latter came back to Thailand to tend to her sick mother. Moral of the story? Don't break the girl code by stealing your sista’s man.
This French-German movie is bizarre in so many ways. It’s the kind of film that will give you nightmares for days, but one you might love if you’re always up all night reading creepypasta. The film begins with a married couple, Mark and Anna, falling apart. Their son Bob is affected by his parent's separation, especially when Anna grows increasingly erratic. Mark suspects Anna is having an affair — the reality of the situation isn't so simple, and is much more shocking and sinister. The ending still baffles me to this day. Moral of the story? You never know if you’ll end up with a crazy person — or a nearly identical copy of them.
Horny teenagers galore. This 2012 movie reminded us not go camping with friends with bad vices. Why? Their hormones might get us into trouble. The personalities of these horny teens were used to appease ancient forces. Hmm, smells like teen spirit – if they'll still have their spirits intact after all the human sacrifice, that is.
If you say the title fast enough, it's like La La Land, but sinister. The film starts off similar to American Horror Story: Murder House. A husband thinks it's a good idea to move to an even larger place to solve the couple's problems. Alas, that is not the case — they may have moved to an upscale neighborhood, but supernatural and sinister events soon occur. This is what happens when you're married to someone who just won't listen.
This movie already had a dysfunctional family to begin with; one of the girls is crazy; their father re-married, and their step-mother was once the stay-at-home nurse for their terminally ill mother. If it wasn't for the father's engagement while their mother was terminally ill — but still alive — things wouldn't have turned out so badly. See the downfalls of love?
As the late, great horror master Wes Craven said, “Horror films don’t create fear. They release it.” But y'know what they say about love – it’s scary. It’s a wild ride of chemicals and hormones. What happens when love and trust disappear? Now that's a real horror story.
These horror movies remind us that being single isn’t the worst thing in the world – being with someone who brings you down is definitely worse.
Happy Valentine’s Day – remember Saint Valentine died for this shit.
What are your favorite horror movies to watch on Valentine's Day? Let us know in the comments!