Why I'm still watching Riverdale, and You Should Too

When this began, we all tuned in. The ‘dark and gritty’ reboot of Archie was an intriguing thought experiment released on the masses. It was a pop-fluff Twin Peaks-esque modern-day (maybe?) version of the red-headed high schooler I knew from my childhood.

But now he was hot. And so was Jughead.

The first season of Riverdale was, dare I say, good. It was exactly what I looked for in television. I could tune in every week and help these 30-something-teens solve a mystery (and watch them kiss). The show was progressive adjacent which was shockingly refreshing. The writers wanted us to know they could speak ‘youth’.

This would not be your Grandma’s Archie Andrews.

The bizarre mixture of twisted meta pop culture and crime wormed its way into my bloodstream. I grew addicted to the soapy story lines that included portrayals of horrific teen abuse, both mental and physical, punctuated by flashy cheerleader dance numbers. Riverdale showcased not one, but three of my favourite true crime plot lines, serial killers, cults, and evil Dungeons and Dragons.

Riverdale consistently had so many plot threads I was shocked the writers could keep up. I thought they were weaving a complicated web that would lead back to a satisfying conclusion each season. This was not always the case. They’d cut and divert with reckless abandon and no explanation. In the slog of organ harvesting cults, bear attacks and Jingle Jangle, we’d lose track of where they were going, dragged into some equally if not more ridiculous plot line to distract. It worked on me at least.

One might say the beginning of the series was more grounded in our reality. That the simple storyline of father killing son could not foretell the insanity to come. BUT MY FAIR READER you would be forgetting Dark Betty and her maple syrup pouring ways!

To me, Dark Betty is the physical manifestation of this entire series. One moment, the writers are exploring normal high school interactions and storylines about unrequited love, the next they have characters keeping preserved dead bodies in basements like it’s totally chill. That’s the equivalent of pouring maple syrup on your head while in lingerie, right?

The super heightened reality they’ve created feels like a distorted dark timeline, divergent enough from our own that I cannot apply any kind of logic to what I see on screen. I barely batted an eye when a teenage Veronica Lodge created a rum business to compete with her horrifying father, or when teenage Betty Cooper stripped for a bar full of her high school friends’ parents to get into a gang.

And those weren’t even close to the most outlandish storylines in this deliciously warped show.

If you jumped off the Riverdale train a few seasons back, I don’t really blame you, but I do sincerely recommend returning to the insane journey they’ve laid out. An article like this cannot and will not accurately portray this Jingle-Jangle fueled monster. I don’t even know if it’s possible to spoil this show, so much happens and honestly, I can’t remember what connects to what.

Four years later, I’m the only one left of my friends subjecting myself to Archie Andrews and the gang. The only one who continues the ridiculous ritual Thursday brings. Riverdale is the fever dream I need right now, perhaps it’s the one you need too. The show literally has everything you might want, including but not limited to time jumps, lost forest children, aliens, floating babies, rocket men, and more. I will always be there to roll my eyes and laugh uncontrollably.

Join me.