Virgil the Survivor

Virgil knew regrets wouldn't change anything? Why did he decide against running errands with everyone else? Why did he decline Patton's offer to stay behind in case he was needed? Why did he insist on being alone? He never planned for an attack, but there he was suffering alone with no one to console him. He hugged himself close as his eyes shut tight and breathing was out of his control.

The next time he opened his eyes, Virgil recognized that he was still in his room, but he was standing up as opposed to his initial crouching position. He looked around trying to comprehend how much time passed. However, his eyes landed on the crouched panicking figure that he immediately knew was himself. He wondered what caused him to panic so much, but had an idea when he looked back on his own memories and noticed the absence of a presence reminding him of the bad from the past and persuading him that the worse was yet to come.

I was born in a thunderstorm

I grew up overnight

I played alone, I played on my own

But I survived.

Virgil remembered when he first came into existence and he he initially felt so hopeful. However, it was immediately shattered when he found himself barely able to speak and everyone else barely willing to help him. He thought it was a rut he would be stuck in forever, but he was still alive long enough to look back on it and wonder what ever became of his old innocence.

I wanted everything I never had

Like the love that comes with light

I wore envy and I hated that

But I survived.

He remembered not really considering the Dark Side much of a home even though the Dark Sides were the only ones that took him in and he thought he and Remus were in the same boat ever since Creativity split into two. Virgil remembered the days where he gazed at the Light Sides and watched as they were close and had their jokes and cuddles and wondered why the Dark Sides never provided that. Before he could say anything, Deceit would always berate him for having such unrealistic desires that could melt a frozen heart. Shame built up inside Virgil and Deceit took it as a sign that he was learning his place. Virgil thought it would be his eternity, but he was able to surpass that era.

I had a one way ticket to a place where all the demons go

Where the wind don't change and nothing in the ground can ever grow

No hope, just lies, and you're taught to cry in your pillow

But I survived.

Virgil remembered the days where he was trying to figure out if he should be feeling scared or like a black sheep around those that called themselves his family. The Dark Side, as cold and cynical as the aura it enveloped felt, was his fate, so how dare he not treat it as such? Was he broken? Was he in the right place? The confusion left him with no one to turn to, especially since Deceit claimed that it'll feel like "home" soon. All Virgil could do then was cry in his cat pillow and hope his worries would fade away.

I'm still breathing

I'm still breathing

I'm still breathing

I'm still breathing

I'm alive

I'm alive

I'm alive

I'm alive

Why didn't Virgil see it before? Sure, his memories had attached reasons for him to be scared, but how had he not noticed before that what he was seeing were harsh memories...that he lived to look back on? He spent those moments believing that he would be trapped in them forever or at least die as a prisoner, but neither applied to him in the present day.

I found solace in the strangest place

Way in the back of my mind

I saw my life in a stranger's face

And it was mine

He sensed some calmness on his physical form, but recognized that he was still panicked. He decided a little more recognition of his survival might help himself.

I have made every single mistake

That you could ever possibly make

I took and I took and I took what you gave

But you never noticed that I was in pain

Virgil remembered that one of the ways he helped Thomas and still did was to put himself through the imaginary scenarios that gave Thomas such worry as a way of making it easier for him to envision them and get his point across more. Virgil went through so much and his heart beat so fast that he thought he briefly died a few times, but he thought it was a sacrifice worth making to protect Thomas. Unfortunately, neither Side of the mind recognized it as such; the Dark Sides saw it as betrayal and the Light Sides saw it as an inconvenience. He felt chest pains, he felt headaches, he felt numbness, but felt no validation.

I knew what I wanted

I went and I got it

Did all the things that you said that I wouldn't

I told you that I would never be forgotten

And all in spite of you

I'm still breathing

In the past, for different reasons, the Light Sides and the Dark Sides didn't want Virgil to be involved with Thomas. Even in that era, he just wanted to protect Thomas. His sarcastic mask proved that he was aware that he would never get complete validation, but he was still aware that he would make a mark deep enough to avoid being forgotten about so easily. Deceit claimed he would come crawling back once the pressure overwhelmed him. Ducking out, bigotry, and claustrophobia existed as he was more involved Thomas's life, but there was one thing he could never deny...

"I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!" the emo heard himself belt as his eyes were shut tight.

Virgil opened his eyes and noticed he was in his physical form in the same part of the room he was initially panicking in. He felt his chest to confirm his outburst before hearing a knock at the door.

"Virgil? It's me! Are you okay?" a familiar voice asked from behind the door.

"Oh, never better, Patton!" Virgil respond.

He walked over to his bedside table and grabbed a journal Logan gave him full of anxiety-easing tips and opened it up to add "Remember I survived the bad memories" to the list.