Transformers

I went into this movie as someone who has never seen a Transformers movie. I’ve only seen clips of the Michael Bay abominations and considering how Megan Fox was portrayed and treated on that set I have no desire to finish them. I also went with my husband who very much had some nostalgia surrounding this movie as he grew up with the toys and the cartoons. I had a lot of follow up questions after I saw this movie and apparently there is a whole Transformers extended universe.

Let's start with I didn’t love the structure. Just purely from a storytelling perspective, I think the big bad and their end goal could have been a big reveal. Pretty much everything that was directly given to the audience through expository dialogue could have been unfolded and revealed to the audience as it was revealed to Noah. And this was the case for almost the whole actual plot of the movie which is probably why it bothered me so much. The entire opening scene could have been a delayed reveal, and it would have made the beast bots meeting the autobots a much more powerful moment. Now my husband described to me that the opening scene was more for the existing fans of the Transformers and was placed there for nostalgia purposes. And though I understand that, I think that any film with hopes of being a franchise should have a coherent structure without existing context. Overall the exposition was just a bit much for me.

Optimus Prime is the biggest drama queen on the planet, every line of dialogue was so heavy for absolutely no reason at all. I am told that this is very in character. I also had to mention that the names of things are so so stupid….”unobtanium” levels of stupid. The one that got me immediately was Optimus Primal, I couldn’t stop laughing in the theater.

I’ve come to the conclusion that this movie is the exact same film as Spy Kids 3: Game Over. Now hear me out; The feeling of the films is exactly the same, the dialogue is cheesy as hell and the story and dialogue is incredibly expository. I occasionally make my husband watch Disney Channel Original movies because he did not grow up on them like I did. I imagine he feels a lot like I did watching this movie. When there is no nostalgia attached to the characters the film is just cheesy and cringy.

I have also unilaterally decided that Bumblebee is a girl and I will be taking no questions, comments or feedback on that.

I will say that at the very least the movie was entertaining. The other films that I have ranked low on the list this year I have both gone pee during. However I was so morbidly fascinated with Transformers that I just had to stay in the theater. Not that I didn’t think I could miss anything, and definitely not because I thought I was gonna miss something good but solely because I was acquiring so many questions that I was afraid they would increase if I left.

Overall the movie was fine, entertaining but nowhere near “good”. The very end teased a G.I. Joe crossover which would be absolutely batshit crazy and I genuinely can’t wait to see it. I give it a solid 5/10 but my husband who has nostalgic attachment to these characters and this generis storyline gives it an 8/10 for accurate designs, lore and as an adaptation as a whole.