Toxic Friendship?

Would you put your sanity on hold for a friend?

Toxic Friendship?

For my eyes and my eyes only,

I don't know if this is healthy, nor do I know if anyone would willingly hear me out, but I just need to get this all off my chest.

I have this... friend whom I've called my best friend my whole life, but my time reflecting has made me wonder if it's right to call him that anymore. Well, for some background, we've been the best of friends since we were in diapers, and have vowed at a very young age to be friends 'til the very end of time. As we got older, it became clear to me that he had some mental issues that his family had contributed to in his early life and, as much as I hate to admit it, I've contributed to them as a form of fun for both of us. I hope I don't give off the wrong idea. He's brilliant in his own ways, but just doesn't always seem to have direction or the ability to keep his brilliance long-term without some help.

About what I said regarding his family contributing to his mental issues, he wanted to prove to his family once that he had been able to manage on his own and I offered to help convince them of this fact. However, as I was helping, I guess my friend forgot that I was actually smarter than I was acting and I left when they all belittled me as a result. I found out that my initial efforts turned out to be for nothing and I think that was one of the first times I doubted that he had my best interests at heart.

I think he's also aware of his brilliance coexisting with his mental issues, because there have been times where he drags me into situations that were less than ideal or "helps" me out of a jam by making things worse for me and he manages to make me look like an asshole because he made things worse for me due to "not knowing better." If not for the fact that I have a habit of trying to see the best in everyone, I would've held this friend accountable the first time he put me through everything from trespassing to risking my safety by cutting class and work to stealing something (it turned out to be free, but I digress) and other things he forced me into that I might remember later.

I was upset when he briefly ended our friendship in the past, but I wonder if it would've been healthier for us to remain... acquaintances at the very least. However, the thought makes me feel guilty since I'm the only one outside of his family who has experienced his mental health issues for so long and I'm worried he might not have anyone else if I cut ties with him. Then again, his old friend from community college threatened to beat me when he were classmates in driving school, so maybe they could bond over being douchebags to me. We also had our fun moments together over the years, so I'm not sure if throwing those away might be the best option, either.

Well, from the looks of it, I guess I'll have to deal with his brilliance, mental issues, brilliance towards using his mental issues as a scapegoat for his horrible decisions, mooching, belittling, etc. until either I snap or he gets himself locked up by someone bolder than me.

To make a long story short: I like Patrick Star as much as I hate him.

fact or fiction
Monique Star
Monique Star
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Monique Star

I'm not the most sophisticated adult out there. I'm also not the best at communicating all the time, but I do try my best to get my thoughts out there into the world verbally or nonverbally.

See all posts by Monique Star