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The Velocipastor: The Must See Movie During Quarantine

by Mason Palmer 2 years ago in review
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You won't regret it

With everyone in quarantine at the moment people are relying mainly on movies and TV shows to keep them entertained, that's all well and good, until you realise that no one is watching the must see quarantine movie. I am not exaggerating when I say that this movie might just be one of the funniest movies than I have seen in a very long time, it is up there with the likes of 'Airplane' in my opinion.

The movie in question is 'The Velocipastor' directed by Brendan Steere. The Velocipastor follows a priest called Doug Jones and when his parents die in a tragic car explosion he travels to China to take his mind off the tragedy. Whilst in China he inherits a magical ability which allows Doug to turn into a velociraptor. He is initially quite scared of this power, but with the help of a hooker named Carol, he decides to put his power to good use and fight crime... and also ninjas.

You may be thinking, "this movie sounds like hot trash, why is this the must see movie for quarantine?" allow me to answer that for you. This movie is a low budget, B-movie which knows it's low budget and is able to poke fun at itself in a really funny, creative way that I haven't seen done so well in a long time. It doesn't get tedious at any point as the movie knows when to stop with the self awareness and focus on being a genuinely funny film. The humour is so dry and so well timed, which is why it reminds me of 'Airplane' quite a lot. It's right up my street in terms of humour, I loved 'Airplanes' dry and at times stupid, dumb humour, the timing was spot on and the puns were fantastic, I always thought it was a movie ahead of it's time. 'The Velocipastor' however is THE movie of it's time, it fits in perfectly with todays meme culture and I am honestly surprised that it doesn't have a cult following like 'The Room' which how hilarious the movie is.

The beauty of this movie is the fact that it embraces the low budget. What i mean by this is quite often you'll see a low budget movie attempt to look high budget by including VFX that don't look too great, due to the budget, and by trying to do some fancy cinematography. Don't get me wrong, I love me some beautiful cinematography and VFX in my movies, but only where it fits, and low budget B-movies like 'The Velocipastor' don't fit. It uses practical effects that look unbelievably bad, but it knows it. The dinosaur costume is hilariously bad and when you see it in full force in the final battle I split my sides laughing. You don't see the full costume throughout the entire movie, you just see the dinosaurs head, or it's claws, so when you finally see it in the final battle after all the build up, it is definitely worth it.

The performances from the actors are perfect for this movie. Each actor completely puts their all into their role and you can tell that they had such a fun time shooting this movie, which makes for a really entertaining movie. Greg Cohan plays Doug Jones and he smashes it out of the park, his line delivery is perfect, from the timing, to the tone in which he speaks his lines. Alyssa Kempinski plays Carol and again, she delivers her lines perfectly and as the co-leading role in the movie she does a fantastic job, the chemistry between Carol and Doug is clear on screen. And we can't go any further without praising my favourite character in this movie, Frankie Mermaid, played by Fernando Pacheco De Castro. This character is perfect for this movie, he is a ridiculously, over the top pimp who likes pushing his authority upon people, and he's hilarious. Dare I say that this is perfect casting for this character, the way he delivers every single line is amazing and again, you can clearly tell that he is having a great time.

This movie is up their as one of my all time favourite comedies, so if you do end up watching after reading this then I hope you enjoy it. If you still aren't convinced, then feel free to check out my YouTube channel where we did a review on this movie and included a few clips, just to give you a little taster of what you're in for.

YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtfPA3rUiyqzIoqDwY7Ix4g

review

About the author

Mason Palmer

One half of Kwispy Flicks over on Youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtfPA3rUiyqzIoqDwY7Ix4g

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