The Not-Deer

Six months ago, I was in a very dark place in life. I was in a daily struggle with rapid cycling between depression and mania. As a wife and mother struggling with maintaining mental health, every day is unpredictable. From self-isolation to unprovoked crying spells, anything I tried to help myself cope was not working. I spoke with my doctor every week and my therapist twice a week in attempt to successfully readjust my medicine dosage. But even with all that, I fought with my own thoughts. I was getting desperate to heal, but the future looked hopeless. I could not bear to have my daughter growing up watching her mother fight such demons. So, one night as I sat planning “the move”, I decided for whatever reason, to watch a few Tik Tok videos. The very first video I found was by a person named Casper Oliver. They were creating some Transformer Holomatter Avatar cosplay scenes. After watching a few of their videos, I searched for other cosplayer videos. I discovered a whole community of Transformer cosplayers. I observed the joy they experienced while donning their custom outfits. I wanted that happiness too, so I decided to make my very first cosplay video. I tagged Casper and a few others, and amazingly they all answered!! They raved over my costume and flooded me with love and support. Later the next day, I received an invitation to a Discord server chat room where all these cosplayers hung out, shared ideas, and offered love and support to each other. That was the boost I needed to keep fighting. So, I began making Tik Toks and cosplaying. I spent hours researching costume supplies and watching how to videos on Youtube. A week after joining the server, I found Casper on Instagram, and after sending them a friend request and having it accepted, I learned he had two podcasts, one called Jar of Rebuke. So, I decided to check it out. The story casts queer entertainers to play its characters, and the characters are part of the queer community as well. JOR follows the story of Dr. Jared Hel, an amnesiac who struggles to find himself again. I was hooked from the first episode, so much so I got permission from Casper to create a live stream series on YouTube called Sit, Sip & Solve. When each new JOR episode, I listen and take notes, with the intent of developing theories to solving the mystery of Dr. Jared Hel. At one point in the story, Jared has an encounter with a cryptid creature called a Not-Deer. A Not-Deer is described as a deer with perfectly symmetrical antlers, human-like back legs and a third eye on its head. So, I am showing support for my friend Casper Oliver, the creator of JOR and the voice actor of Jared, by wearing a Not-Deer costume for Halloween. Thankfully, all of this provided me a way to cope until my meds were fixed and I became stable again. My daughter and husband have been amazed at how something as simple as cosplaying pulled me back from making the greatest mistake I could have ever made. Against all odds, I survived, and now my family and I have a new hobby we enjoy doing together. So much so that we are planning our first Comic-Con adventure! If my costume is chosen, part of my winnings will be given to JOR to help continue this awesome story. I have gained amazing friends and countless forms of love. I owe Casper my life, and even though you cannot put a price on a life, I can show my gratitude by loving and supporting their dream, while accepting their support of me as well. If I am chosen as the winner of this costume contest, I will be donating part of my winnings to JOR so that the show may go on. ❤️❤️🦌🦌🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈