The life of Raymond
For all those who are about to give up
*This story is inspired by the snippet of the movie 'Fight Club (directed by David Fincher)'
<1>
One night in 1999.
Raymond ran for life. I mean literally. I swear if you just got out of the tip of a gun right at the back of your head, you'd run like Forrest Gump. Everything was a blur on the way home. He couldn't be happier to be in this small, cramped basement apartment. His legs finally gave out.
'What the fuck just happened to me?'
<2>
For dad's tiny convenience store, nighttime has always been Raymond's charge. After his gap year of college stretched out to 3 years, he's been wandering from store to store for part-time jobs not knowing what he is looking for. It was far better to hide here when his both parents are at home, rather than facing their unsaid disappointment.
His guests are not always lovely; especially they came by to get more liquor than they already had. Oftentimes, he wasn't treated well, but that didn't bother him anymore. Is he trying to be cool? Believe me, he's not. Sadly, he knew the world would be pretty much the same if he'd gone just like that. Maybe his dad will have to be bothered to find another night shifter. But his parents might be able to rent his room, so it could cover their expense of...
BANG!
His train of thoughts got caught by an uninvited guest. Filling up the selves, and suddenly he was dragged out of the back door.
"Hands behind your back, give me your wallet.
He didn't even notice how cold the asphalt ground was, for the tip of the gun right back of his head was cold as death. His shaking hands handed over his wallet to the intruder. He couldn't see his face but he knew that he was wearing a cheap red (probably fake) leather jacket and he had an annoyingly calm and soft voice tone.
"Raymond K. Hessel. 1320 South East Banning, Apartment A. So, Raymond! you're going to die."
Raymond wept pathetically.
"Is that your mom and dad? Your mom and dad are gonna have to call the doctor so and so, pick up your dental records, you wanna know why? cause it's gonna be nothing left of your face."
and the guy added - almost sounded like a priest preaching- going through his shabby wallet.
"An expired college student ID! what did you study, Raymond?"
It took him a second or two to process the shit-uation he's under and have his brain function properly to open his mouth.
"S...s...stuff." what a brilliant answer.
"Stuff? Were the midterms hard?" I asked you what you studied!"
The guy lightly struck his head with the gun.
"Biology, mostly."
"Why?"
"I, don't, know."
Raymond actually didn't know. He didn't know why he studied Biology, or why he is begging his life to a stranger in the back of a convenience store on his knees.
"What did you wanna be, Raymond K. Hessel?"
The gun pushed his head gently with the sound of the roulette spinning.
'fuck me...'
"The question, Raymond, was what did you want to be!"
He never knew he wanted his life so badly. Wasn't he dwelling on his death when this guy kicked the door? Maybe to be alive in any way is better than to die in the most novel way. Two facts brought tears to his eyes. One, his life might have come to an end. Two, he still doesn't know what he wants to be to this moment. He wasn't sure which one makes him sadder.
"Answer, Raymond, Jesus!"
"Veterinarian! Veterinarian!"
<3>
Raymond managed to the kitchen, shaking. Chemical tasted warm tap water felt like an oasis in the Sahara.
Oh, veterinarian, that was what he could have been. He looked down on his wallet in his sweaty hands. The photo of his parents was still there, smiling. They wouldn't believe what just happened to their only son. When they moved here from South Korea in 70's when 'the American Dream' seemed like one step away, tonight was definitely not in the scenario.
The reality is, nothing played out as they dreamt. Raymond got used to making humble choices. He never asked too much. His car, his clothes, even his dream had to be humble. A few years ago, he said he'd go to the college they wanted him to get into hoping 'the stuff' would grow on him and things would work out.
He'd always chuck his college ID behind his driver's license. Both are nothing but junks for him since his cheap car broke down in the middle of the road and led him to a lousy accident, and as you can tell, nothing worked out.
"I'm keeping your license, gonna check in on you. I know where you live. If you're not on your way to becoming a veterinarian in six weeks, you'll be dead. Now run on home."
Ouch, Raymond K. Hessel. It was not a dream.
<4>
Raymond opened his eyes. He was relieved. He was still alive. It's been a month, another week, and 5 days since 'the night.' He's never been trying this hard to get something.
$20,000. That was the amount of money that he needed to go back to school and start the pre-vet program. He knows every requirement by heart, all he needed was the money. You can't teach yourself how to become a vet. One day he thought he should have said he wanted to become a guitarist.
He's been hammering his head to get his hands on that money but nothing worked. He ended up losing a couple of friends, and he got kicked out of new day jobs right after he asked for a ridiculous amount of advanced pay.
'I need to go to vet school or I'll be dead! Please...'
Every door was shut right at his face.
He was still in bed and felt a pang in his heart because this might be the last Friday morning in his life unless he gets his hands on $20,000 within a few hours miraculously. Otherwise, the guy would come after him. Today was the last day that he could register for this semester. The office door will be closed at 5. He tried to convince himself that everything was a horrible joke by a maniac. But he couldn't deny it. That guy wasn't joking.
He walked to his desk and opened the first drawer. There was only one thing left in there. The little black book. He bought it for today. It's a fancy-looking premium Italian leather notebook that was just perfect for his last words.
He opened the little black book. There was a quote on the very first page.
We all have two lives. The second one begins when we realize we only have one. -Confucius-
<5>
His legs finally gave out as soon as he reached the top of the mountain. He could see the tip of the cliff that he would be standing on very soon. He tried not to cry when he was writing down his words on that little black book pages after pages. But no one was around here on this beautiful Friday afternoon.
Raymond started to cry, reminiscing about the last six weeks. Everything has been the same yet nothing was the same since that night. That horrible, horrible night. And he realized that, ironically, he had never felt this alive. Morning alarm never bothered him. He had wished he had more hours a day, more days a week. He would do anything if he could get back his younger years wasted, not pursuing his dream.
Whenever hopeless hope captivated his mind and he'd see himself walking on the campus as a student again holding books that are thicker than his pillow. That little peek at the happy ending made him do things he would have never done before.
He asked for help, knocked on the new doors, and finally face his dream dead-on and put it on top of everything. He might have saved enough money to start vet school if he tried this hard for the last few years, but he didn't even have time to regret it. If there was one regret in his mind at this very moment, that would be not seeing his parents for the last time. He sneaked out like a coward, leaving endless excuses on that god damn notebook. That must be a pleasant way to find out their son's death. It starts with mom...
'Mom?'
'Where are you?'
'Um..I'm just, I'm out for a walk.'
'I just got a phone call from the car company. They said your accident has been compensated, like, 6 weeks ago, but you never seemed to check? Come home right now, it's about $20,000! With that money, we can fin...'
He hung up and checked the time.
'It's just enough' says his old watch.
Raymond ran for life. I mean literally.
About the Creator
Hajeong Song
Anything spread-worthy
Comments (1)
I am a fan of the movie 'Fight Club', and this story is great. Time has just gone in subway.