The Jungle Cruise Review

As I prepared to bring my family to see Jungle cruise we stowed away some snacks and adult beverages and set out to theater not really knowing at what level to place my expectation.

I had high enough hopes to bring the whole pack to the theater including our 1 year old and for the most part I can say it wasn’t a bad experience, yet I can’t quite say it didn’t disappoint. After the initial trailer and opening heist scene where Dr Lily Houghton steals a mystical arrow head that is a key component to healing and breaking a mystical curse i was kind of pumped. I held expectations akin to some of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s similar films that had come to hold a special place in my heart like Jumanji 2017 Welcome To The Jungle and The Mummy Returns and Scorpion King films.

What I ended up with instead was a mosh up of poor pacing and undeveloped villains that could have easily outshined the characters main antagonist Prince Joachim; played by Jesse Plemons. Plemons is one of the main issues for the film with me and his style and character just doesn’t blend well with the rest of the cast and film, and while his character is used as a plot device to push forward it comes down to another main issue I have with some of the things in this movie just feeling forced. The German prince’s character feels like a watered down version of Jim Carrey’s Dr Robot Robotnik from the Sonic film. At one point he even pops out of his submarine and conducts a symphony while attacking Frank the Skipper played by Dwayne Johnson. This scene felt ripped straight out of The Sonic film and in fact I’m almost sure it was.

I won't blame the entirety of The Jungle Cruise's faults on Plemons character although for me it's a huge piece of it.  I would have rather scene more time developing Edgar Ramirez's character Conquistador Aguirre and the rest of the Conquistador group.  These flawed villains are one of the movies stronger aspects but unfortunately don't get enough screen time to really shine.  The effects of these villains rival the best of the Mummy as one of them is composed of honey and bees, and another human snake hybrid.  To me this was a missed opportunity as these flawed individuals who once had sincere intentions could have been the movies saving grace.  Instead much is forced and crammed into the film which at some points felt like it was just crammed with too many characters and not enough development or action. In fact Paul Giamattis character Nilo a wealthy loand shark interested me more then the Plemons antagonist and gets little screen time.

At the same token I don't think it's just character development that brings Jungle Cruise down towards a C+ level.  The chemistry just doesn't feel fully there to me.  Emily Blunt is easily this films strongest point as she sells her devotion to her mission and the movie itself and comes off as sincere and believable.  Still on the other hand her romance with The Rocks character comes off as forced and rushed.  In fact I'd go as far to say as Ana's romance with Hans and Kristoff both come off as more believable to me, sorry but I know chicks like this in real life.  It's a stark contrast from Brenden Fraser and Rachel Weisz from whom I can feel the chemistry, tension and romance in the Mummy.  I mean how does Dr Houghton barely bat an eye when she finds out her new love interest is some immortal ghost being and how is there no tension or buildup in their budding romance.  It all just lacked chemistry to me that was even present in the new Jumanji movie where characters came together and built a bond you could feel thru the screen.

Again my gripes could be considered minor and almost nit picky, but when comparing with movies like the Mummy or even Jumanji feel drastic enough to be mentioned in my eyes.  Tom compare this movie to Pirates Of The Carribean another ride to movie conversion would be blasphemy.  Even the Last Jedi felt more developed and had better pacing to me.  Here I felt the movie had a lot to include and crammed it all in regardless of the results. 

Dr Houghton’s character is a perfect example of this. McGregor not to be mistaken with Connor the notorious MMA also comes off as forced and rushed in order to fill an agenda. Now I hope I don’t risk being ostracized by LGBQT for saying this. It’s not that I have a problem with him being gay in fact I thought that was an ingenious way to explain his character but it was the delivery that I didn’t like. I feel like we would have gained so much more here from subtle build up, be it with the subtle flirtatious comments and innuendos that he shot at The Rock’s character later in the film to just alluding to this fact with out ramming it down my throat in the middle of the film. It all comes down to pacing and development and while there were parts of this film I loved there were also times when I felt this movie was dragging.

Still all and all, as I said in the beginning it wasn’t a bad affair. It was an enjoyable but just seemed to shove it’s agenda down my throat in too much of an obvious and constant fashion. If I have to hear Emily Blunt referred to as pants once more I think I might lose it. Also I think even Dwayne Johnson was confused about his character one moment he’s cracking bad jokes and puns and coming up on my like a true hustler then in the next scene complaining how tired he is of living and going to ask for death when he takes the petal to break the curse. Again there’s no issue with this but it could have been alluded to briefly showing the contrast within him earlier in the film.

Again I’m nitpicking and taking this film for what it’s worth it’s a fun enjoyable ride. My wife stood entertained while she admitted it wasn’t the greatest and she had some confusion about the plot even after the ending credits rolled. My eldest son stood entertained thru the film and said he loved how much of a big adventure it was and my five year watched it straight thru without making a peep. So it accomplished some good things as a family film. Still I went in saying I didn’t know what to expect and maybe that was a lie. Perhaps deep inside I had higher hopes and aspirations then I alluded to and longed for this film to give me that same feeling of awe that came with The Mummy, Pirates of the Caribbean or even the fast fun ride that was the new Jumanji films. It didn’t quite live up to those things but was still a fun and pretty entertaining ride. In the end I’d have to grade it a C+ and say I’d rather the cast take their talents to other projects that blend together better and deliver an award winning project but that’s just me. If you find yourself with some extra cash and want to take your family to a movie that will be a decent 2 hour and seven minute trip that winds up feeling slightly longer almost akin to A Lord Of The Rings length film without the all the lore, suspense or action but that’s still pretty fun then don’t hesitate. Just set your expectations somewhere to the lower middle of family fun films and you should be fine.