The Diary of Bellatrix Black - Afterword by Neville Longbottom

I don't think Bellatrix Lestrange's wild eyes will ever be far from my mind. Lately, I have been able to go weeks on end without thinking about her. Then some small object will activate old memories.

The sight of litter on the ground can transport me to the Janus Thickey Ward at St Mungo's. At every visit, my permanently cursed mother would press a sweet wrapper into my hand. It was her only method of showing me affection, after Bellatrix Lestrange's relentless Cruciatus Curses drove my parents into a permanent stupor.

A curtain moving in a breeze can send my mind to the Department of Mysteries. I watched as Bellatrix Lestrange's fatal curse hit a man in the chest. He stumbled backwards through a black veil hung in an ancient stone archway, and vanished forever.

Every 2 May, I remember the sight of Bellatrix Lestrange's cackling smile freezing. For a brief moment, she seemed to understand her fate as Molly Weasley got the better of her.

Any hundreds of things can snap my mind back into a childhood terrified of Bellatrix Lestrange. I was scared that she would break out of Azkaban and hurt more people, the way she hurt my parents. I was even more frightened by how painfully angry she made me. I thought—or maybe I just hoped—that her death would bring me closure.

Life isn’t that tidy. Loss and trauma stick with us. I think maybe that’s just part of being human.

Time has helped. Surrounding myself with thriving life—my plants, my students, my beautiful wife, my family and friends—has helped. I think, in a way, reading this volume has helped too.

In my first year at Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore was the first person ever to call me courageous. I had attempted to stop Harry Potter from breaking a school rule (an impossible task, of course); and Dumbledore said, "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."

Since then, I have been called "courageous" for a handful of other things. Joining Potter and our other friends in the Battle of the Ministry, 1996. Engaging in the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, 1997. Waging a guerilla war against the Death Eaters who controlled Hogwarts in the 1997-1998 school year. Beheading Tom Riddle's companion and ally, the great snake Nagini, in the Battle of Hogwarts. I can't disagree with the "courageous" label, because I would never undercut the bravery of others who did the same as I… but I did not feel brave at the time.

I did feel brave when burying my beloved friends after the battle. I felt brave when my wife Hannah and I decided to celebrate life and love despite all the suffering we'd seen; and we chose to get married. And, to be perfectly honest, I felt brave when I read Bellatrix Lestrange's adolescent diary.

She was by no means a reliable narrator. Still, her diary shows us that Bellatrix Black didn’t live the life of an ordinary schoolgirl. Her mother stunted her emotional development. Her father imbued her with an overwhelming sense of entitlement. This made her a vulnerable child. A worldly older relative groomed her for worse abuse. Then, a charismatic leader radicalized her to a hateful cause.

Bellatrix wasn’t the first. Religious cults, political regimes, pyramid schemes, and domestic abusers use manipulative tactics like Riddle’s to turn their victims into recruits. They bolster a sense of privilege, then foster their victim’s dependence on themselves. Recruits become leaders, victims perpetuate abuse, and the cycle goes on.

This isn’t to say that Bellatrix was not responsible for her actions. There’s no excuse for the terrible things she did, but there are reasons for it. I think that if we as a society understand these reasons, we will be better equipped to prevent their recurrence. We can see the manipulative tactics before they lead to violence. We can break the cycle.

Neville Longbottom , 1 May 2036

PS: If reading the adventures of a teenaged sociopath has upset your stomach, as it did mine, I recommend a peppermint and ginger tea with liberal amounts of honey. —NL

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This work of fanfiction was based on characters and settings created by JK Rowling for her Harry Potter series. I'd like to note that my fair use of this popularly known source material does not in any way represent an endorsement of Rowling's harmful public statements against the validity of trans identities. How cool would it be if some sort of reading of this work could be used to fundraise for LGBTQ+ nonprofits?