The Cuddly Power of Stuffed Animals - and Crochet Butterflies

Stuffed animals; they're cute and cuddly bundles of fluff wrapped in softness. Some might argue that they're "only for children", but the fact is that they are nostalgic, and reminders of past joys, and can be huge comforts for some all-too adult themes. I should know - I recently dug my remaining few boxes out and wound up unexpectedly benefiting from their proximity.

I don't remember receiving my first stuffed animal, but supposedly this little yellow bunny was one of the first, if not the first. It has a wind-up tab and plays the tune of "Peter Cottontail" - yes, it still works, even about 30 years later! I cannot confirm if this was made prior to my birth, as the tag is now unreadable. If this was given to me right away, it's possible that it was with me my first month of life where I was in an incubator (I was born premature). Overall, it's pretty clean and in good condition!

Next is an old favorite that I have - and will - mention time and time again: Klondike. He was my gift from my sister for my 4th birthday. For those who don't know, Klondike and Snow were two polar bears born at the Denver Zoo. My sister worked at a grocery store where they were selling the stuffed animals during the hype. We were unable to find a Snow plush to go with Klondike for me though; they ran out.

Klondike was my favorite, go-to stuffed animal growing up. Reading day at school, where we were allowed to bring in our stuffed animals? Klondike was there! Needed something to cry into after getting into trouble or a shitty day at school? Klondike was there! Snuggled and loved and favored to death to the point that he's hardly recognizable after 26 years and has had his nose sewn back down on many occasions? Yep, that's my Klondike! Poor thing is nowhere near what he used to be, but I adore him still! He's been my nonhuman best friend practically my whole life!

Later, Ulaq and Berit, another pair of polar bears, were also born at the Denver Zoo, but they were quickly moved to another zoo out of state and very sadly renamed. During the short excitement after they were born, I was given two more stuffed animals. Unlike with the Klondike and Snow ones, this time, I received both. I was older when I got them, and they have been kept in much better condition; no dragging them around everywhere!

The next one I already mentioned in a previous piece on the site, but I've held onto her all these years - it's Socks! She was given to me by my brother's physical therapist; I was always hanging around when she came to work with him. Mostly because there wasn't anything else to do or anyone else to talk to. I hope I didn't bother that therapist too much! Socks is small, and I have adored her since I was given her! I named her Socks because she has four white paws.

Socks wasn't the only cat stuffed animal I loved; I don't recall what I named this one, but I know I carried it around very often as a child, especially since Klondike was sometimes too big to drag with me wherever we were going.

I don't know if it still works; this one moved at least the front paws. I'll have to find an appropriate screwdriver, try putting new batteries in, and see if she works! There is a professional picture in the lower part of my parents' house featuring me, seemingly kissing my brother on the head, while holding this particular stuffed animal.

That's not to say I wasn't also given hand-me-downs. This next one was given to me by one of my grandma's next door neighbors. He used to be a teacher, and he sadly passed away in 2020 due to health complications unrelated to COVID-19, so I thought I could at least put this here to honor and remember him by.

It was given to me while my brother and I sat in the car, waiting to go home, and dad was busy chatting with this neighbor; they hadn't seen one another in a while since dad had started his life with our mother. I think it would still work, but would need new batteries in order to let out the growling roar it used to make.

We miss you, Tom. Thank you for all the good you did.

Before I had the Squishable that I named Snowball, there was this one. I think I was gifted it or I found it at a yard sale or thrift store - honestly, I found so many things in such places, sometimes it's hard to keep it straight. If you haven't figured it out yet, yeah, I love me some polar bears. Really, though, I love stuffed animals.

Which was a good thing when a "friend" I had sleep over once in elementary school made me sleep on the pile of them I had between my own bed and the wall; I'll cover that in more detail in another upcoming piece. So yeah - stuffed animals have literally been a bed for me.

The Crochet Butterflies, Estimated 2014:

While not actually stuffed animals, I felt that I didn't have enough for a full piece on these, but still wanted them included somewhere.

My last job in retail, I worked for a large-chain grocery store. I was basically a janitor, though they loved throwing me in to help bag or - even worse - checkout. Ugh. I warned them not to put me in for checkout - I was the only one cleaning the store, and anytime I was checking folks out, I wasn't getting my actual work done, which pissed me off. I was fine with the janitorial work. Well, besides making $8 per hour with no benefits or raise for three years... Any wonder I didn't stay after I started having to clean up sewage?

Any case, during my year plus as the store's only janitor, there was this older woman who would come in and she would give employees she thought were truly working hard a crochet butterfly she made. It was a random, small token of appreciation, so even though I am not overly fond of pink, I appreciated the thought - and the reminders that I can still look at to this day. Currently, they sit on either side and the middle of my office alarm clock, though I moved them to take the picture.

She personally gave me two of the three. The last one I earned because I really was doing my job; I found it on the floor during one of my many sweeps of the store on my shift (basically, using a big broom up and down the aisles). I even recall where I found it - in the bakery section. It's been damn near seven years since I picked it up.

I hope that lady is doing well. She really tried to make our day in shitty retail better - and she did with her gift of these little crochet butterflies.

December 31, 2019:

My mother's work gives out tickets for events throughout the year, or at least discounts. She wanted to go see a light display at a nearby park that they offered a discount for, but didn't want to go alone and dad didn't want to go out in the bitter cold; I think there may have been a sports game on too. So I went with her.

We enjoyed a stroll through the display, stopping to get some hot chocolate at the beverage hut stationed in the park. Just enjoying New Year's Eve. It really was a nice night together. They had a small gift shop that you had to go through to get out (of course), and we decided to poke around. It had a lot of the usual: magnets, mugs, ornaments. They also had fake snakes, knick-knacks, and of course, plushes.

I fell in love with a blue bat plush. I didn't expect her to offer to get me it, but I wasn't going to turn down a new, cute plush. Suddenly, a voice behind me announced:

"It's a Huggable, too."

I didn't know what that meant, until the cashier showed me; the wings had those strange bands that can stay straight or can curl inward when pressure is applied. So the bat could look like it was flying or look all cozy and wrapped up for sleep. I was even more excited at this little plush after seeing that.

"I don't think I'll ever outgrow stuffed animals," I told my mom, happily admiring my new friend.

"Good! You shouldn't!" another, older shopper stated. I chuckled, a little surprised at the random encouragement.

I couldn't have known what trouble lay in 2020 - at one point presumed to be from a bat. "Batty" has been in my office ever since I got it, usually wrapped around the frame of my dry erase board. Whenever I'm in my office and see it or think about my parents, I stop to run a hand over it, hoping my parents and brother are well and happy.

October 27, 2021 ~2:00 P.M.

My boyfriend surprised me when he returned home from going out to get himself something to eat (I opted for the leftover pizza). He’d just come in through the garage and I greeted him.

“Welcome back, Sweetie,” I said as I searched for the next thing I wanted to watch on my “day off”. It just wasn’t a “work day”, so I was watching crap on YouTube and fooling around in World of Warcraft. I’d spent the last few days working on my first entry for Vocal.media’s “Foggy Waters” challenge - and had struggled with it - and was not up for much. I noticed he had mail and a package along with his food. Nothing uncommon there.

“I got you something,” he said, and I looked over, curious. I thought that maybe since he had stopped at a gas station, he may have picked me up some chocolate or something. But then he tore open the package, and I knew what it was as soon as I saw the fluffiness - a Squishable; an aptly named stuffed animal that is 1000% squishable. And totally adorable. For a moment I wondered if it was the one I thought it was; I had seen an advertisement for them on Facebook weeks back and shared it. I hadn’t expected to get one though - I had shared because they are adorable and most of my friends would probably enjoy one and I scroll my old posts every so often and would enjoy seeing the cute little thing. As my partner brought it over to me, I realized it was the one I thought; named Baphomet, it is pretty much a demon goat.

I’ll stop here to preface that, no, neither of us are into any religion. So be aghast at my little "demon goat" stuffed animal. A look at the comments section for this particular Squishable shows how crazy the religious sort can get - even over a freaking stuffed animal! People are crazy….

Any case…

My boyfriend handed me my newest Squishable, and I immediately hugged it. I pulled back to take a better look at its stupid little face (honestly, frigging love it!). It has “sparkly”, purple eyes - so flippin' cute!

I very rarely feel happy or joyful - my version of a “good” day is most people’s basic, productive day. I’ve been struggling a lot this year and family drama since August particularly has left me pretty numb. So I was pleasantly surprised at how joyful this unexpected gift made me. I felt like a little kid for a moment, in all the best ways.

“Well, take the tag off, Punk,” my boyfriend growled playfully, reaching out for the plush. I handed it over and he removed the tag for me. By this time, our largest dog, Aleu, was very interested in mommy’s new toy. My boyfriend brought it down for her to see, and she tried to grab it, thinking it was for her; my boyfriend almost always gets the pups new toys when he goes to get cat litter.

“No. Aleu, that’s mommy’s,” we told her. She looked so confused, like, “What do you mean this is mommy’s? This is an Aleu toy!” Eventually my partner handed me back the little demon goatie. I hugged it tight, thanked him, hugged it some more and then got up to hug him too. Aleu watched on, still confused as to why she didn’t get the toy, and I told her:

“Daddy must have seen the thingy I posted on Facebook a few weeks ago, huh Dooper?” ‘Dooper’ being one of many nicknames for Aleu - I think it was from a Futurama episode.

“No, they send me emails when they get ready to launch new ones,” my boyfriend explained.

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense,” I nodded. He’s gotten me several other Squishables in the 7 years we’ve been together, so of course he gets emails. I hugged him once more before letting him go down to his office to eat and watch whatever he wanted to, while I sat back down with my new plush. Every time I remembered it was there, I’d scoop it up for a hug.

The first gift my boyfriend ever gave me was actually a Squishable. It was 2014, in September. My birthday is at the end of August, and he bought me the mini Werewolf - since named Scruffy - while we were dating that month - before we were official in October. He told me he got me it because he didn’t know me yet on my birthday, and he was sorry he missed it!

One of the first places we went together in the early days of dating was the Downtown Aquarium in Denver, Colorado. Growing up, I’d gone there a handful of times on school field trips, but hadn’t been since the last field trip. In 2014, I was 23, so it had been about 6 years and I was excited to go. We had a grand time; we even wound up eating at the restaurant there, which I had never done! And there he got me a little stingray plush.

In short order, my stuffed animal collection grew: my boyfriend spoiled me with two additional Squishables, as well as a Frostwolf plush - a physical version of the pixels that created the cute little Frostwolves in World of Warcraft!

November 8, 2021:

I returned to my office (in our home) to finish getting my goal of 10,000 steps per day, mind reeling. I had been downstairs enjoying some downtime after some housework when I'd come across a comment on social media that got stuck in my head. Probably wouldn't bother anyone else, but it bothered me the rest of the night - it was one of my triggers from a traumatic event 15 years ago. I felt absolutely helpless and wanted to cry every 3 minutes.

The only thing that kept me from bursting into tears was Baphomet, who I walked with between my hands, running my fingers across the soft material covering it to help soothe me.

My stuffed animals usually hang around in the bedroom, tucked away safely from our household of critters, but the tote they rest in has been hanging out in my office while I've slowly worked on this piece in case I need to take anymore pictures. They may not make the whole situation better, but they at least help ground me some. It's a little harder to think about the bad things when hugging and petting a soft plush. "Furry Walls" from Get Him to the Greek may not be about fuzzy stuffed animals, but the premise is spot-on; when the world throws you an absolute mind-fuck, something soft can really help you keep your shit together.

I've got enough stuffed animals to continue on for days, but I think by now I've made my point; stuffed animals are not just for little kids. They are memory holders, objects of comfort, and welcome tokens of appreciation. I hope they've warmed your heart as they have mine!

Maybe I'll do another piece on more another time; my boyfriend has since ordered more Squishables, including an adorable unicorn for his niece! As Agnes from Dispicable Me would say, "It's so FLUFFY!"