Simpsons Review: "I Married Marge"

All the way back in the second season of The Simpsons, we were treated to, among other things, a trip back to when Marge Bouvier and Homer Simpson first met in high school. "The Way We Was" served as the first of many flashback episodes of the long running series, and it was the first of a cluster of flashback episodes that told how the Simpson family came to be.

Regarding "The Way We Was," Homer was smitten with Marge within minutes of seeing her. He wanted to ask her out to the prom, but when Marge voiced her lack of interest and assurance in Homer, that's when Homer decided to claim that he was failing French just to spend time with her. Marge ended up accepting Homer's prom request, but when Homer came clean, Marge rejected him. Marge ended up going with Artie Ziff, who decided to channel his inner Weinstein.

So that was the first flashback episode. Now for the second.

The episode starts out with Marge taking a pregnancy test--Barnacle Bill's Pregnancy Test, to be precise. The rules were simple. "If the water turns blue, a baby for you. If it's purple ye see, no baby for thee," according to the package. It was pink. Oh man. "If a test should fail, to a doctor set sail." I do love that the instructions rhyme.

But on a serious note, Marge was definitely believing that baby #4 was in the oven, and Homer was becoming convinced of this as well. Marge went to see Dr. Hibbert, all the while, Bart and Lisa wondered what was up with their mother. Homer does a bad job of hiding the truth, because Bart quickly says that he senses a bun in the oven. The kids celebrate the possibility of another baby in the house, though Homer voices his nervousness about the whole thing.

Bart asked Homer if he was nervous regarding Bart's eventual birth, and that leads to Homer beginning his story. The episode turns the clock back to 1980, where Homer mentions the candidacy of John Anderson and the rise of Supertramp. It was also a big year for hockey, as 1980 completed the first season of the then-new look NHL following their merger with the WHA, and that year saw the New York Islanders win their first of four straight Stanley Cups.

As for Homer and Marge, they had been dating for a few years, and Homer had a job at the local miniature golf course. However, just as he was beginning his story, Homer notices the kids had walked off, but he brings them back in so he can finish. Back then, Marge was living at home with her sisters and their mother, and they spent every opportunity insulting Homer. Good grief. They go out on a movie date, and the movie they see: Star Wars. Oh yeah. This results in a moment where Homer says, "Who ever thought that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker's father?," setting off a line full of people who were waiting to see the movie.

Seriously, Homeboy, you could have at least had the decency to say "spoiler alert."

We now go to another part I love from this episode; as Homer and Marge are driving, the radio plays Debby Boone's "You Light Up My Life," with the pair singing along. After the song ends, we get this exchange:

Homer: "I'll bet the guy she was singing about was very happy."

Marge: "Actually, she was singing about God."

Homer: "Oh. Well, He's always happy. No, wait, He's always mad."

Following Homer's attempt at theology, he and Marge arrived at his place of business, and they enter the castle display... and they do the horizontal mambo.

The following day sees Homer and Barney Gumble watching Charlie's Angels when the former gets a call from Marge about that night they "joined the castle club." Homer immediately knows the rest, and Dr. Hibbert confirms it.

"Well, Miss Bouvier, we found the reason you've been throwing up in the morning. Congratulations."

Homer's annoyed grunt sealed it. He got one past the crease.

Meanwhile, we get the usual fatherly advice from Abraham J. Simpson:

Abe: "Son, you've got to marry that girl!"

Homer: "Because it's the right thing to do?"

Abe: "No! Because you'll never do any better! You lucky bum! The fish jumped right in the boat; all you gotta do is whack her with the oar!

To quote Abe's eventual grandson, "Ay caramba!"

So that night, Homer and Marge were out on another date, and he was all ready to pop the question, but he couldn't find the card it was written on. Marge finds a card, and after Homer asks what it says, Marge reads it:

"Marge, from the first moment I saw you, I never wanted to be with anyone else. I don't have much to offer you except all my love. Will you marry me?"

"That's the card--give it here," said Homer. Marge is so touched by those awesome words, and when Homer asks again, Marge says, "Yes!" What followed was Homer being the absolute happiest man in the entire world; he celebrated louder than I did on the evening of June 26, 2022.

In the present, Lisa and Bart debate about names for potential baby #4. Lisa, expecting a girl, wants to name the baby Ariel. Bart, expecting a boy wants the name Kool Moe Dee (after the rapper). Homer mentions that baby names were a topic between himself and Marge, and while ring shopping, Marge suggested names for if their expected is a boy. Homer shot down all of them, fearing ridicule, but when it came to the name Bart, Homer looked for a rhyming insult alphabetically:

"Bart, cart, dart, ee-art. Can't see any problem with that."

Thank goodness he didn't go one letter further.

Homer and Marge ended up tying the proverbial knot at Shotgun Pete's Wedding Chapel, and afterwards, the newly formed Mr. and Mrs. Simpson spent their first night as a married couple at Marge's place. Homer bought a baby monitor, among other things, but Marge worried about their finances, so Homer decides to apply at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. At first, it went as well as one expected. Homer was one of three candidates, yet Waylon Smithers, Jr. decided to coo over the two who were his frat buddies. Yikes.

So Homer gets passed over, but after feeling the baby kick, he makes the following promise:

"When you come out of there... the first thing you're going to see... is a man with a good job."

Patty and Selma's retort: "Yeah: the doctor."

Let me say this. As a kid, I hated Patty and Selma, and that shit is why. Currently... well, I'll say this. The only reason why I tolerate those two is because Homeboy can dish it out as well as he can take it. Homer took a lot of odd jobs (including working as a door-to-door knife salesman), and nearly fell for a trapezoid scheme as a last resort. Meanwhile, the bills kept on coming, and after the baby's things and Marge's ring were repossessed, Homer--late one night--writes the following letter to Marge:

Dear Marge,

By the time you read this, I will be gone. You deserve all the finest things... and although I can give them to you, they will be repossessed, and I will be hunted down like a dog. Also, it has become clear that your family doesn't want me here.

After Marge's mom chews out Homer, our man continues:

I will send you every cent I earn... for the baby... but you will not see me again until I am a man.

Marge reads Homer's letter and breaks down, with her sisters having the nerve to say that they thought Homer "would two-time her first." Patty and Selma are at Gulp 'n' Blow when they notice hair in their food. They see the reason why: Homer's working the counter. They decide not to tell Marge, who receives money from Homer. Finally, when Marge is looking for Homer, Selma decided to finally tell the truth.

"Marge," Selma says, "I have two and a half words for you: Gulp 'n' Blow."

Marge arrives at Gulp 'n' Blow and reunites with Homer, who frets over not being able to give Marge what she desires, including an actual ring. Marge says she'll accept any ring at long as it's from him, prompting Homer to put an onion ring on Marge's finger. Armed with Marge's love and devotion, Homer quits his current job and marches back into the power plant, and into the office of Charles Montgomery Burns.

"You the boss?" Homer asks, and then utters the following:

"Listen, Mr. Big Shot, if you're looking for the type of employee who takes abuse and never sticks up for himself, I'm your man! You can treat me like dirt, and I'll still kiss your butt and call it ice cream, and if you don't like it, I can change!"

Homer's "tirade" gets him hired by Burns, who vows to remember that name (he doesn't), but when he heads to Marge's house, he finds her mother, who informed Homer that she's at the hospital and she'll drive him. Homer arrives and asks where the baby is.

"Right where you left it," retorts Patty.

"Shut up!" says Homer.

"Listen, fat boy...," Patty begins.

"No, you listen!" exclaims Homer. "This is my wife, and this is my kid, and I'm paying for this delivery, so if you want to stay, you'll show me some respect!"

That's my Homeboy!

Homer tells Marge that he got the job at the power plant, and afterwards, he and Marge welcome their little bundle of joy: Bartholomew Jo-Jo Simpson--who actually set Homer's tie on fire. Back in the present, Homer tells Bart that his birth was a blessing, and adds that they were blessed twice more when Lisa and Maggie were born. Homer says that he and Marge thank God for all three of their kids.

And yet, when Marge enters and says she's not pregnant, she and Homer celebrate like I did on June 26, 2022. Oh man!

"I Married Marge," the 12th episode of The Simpsons' third season, aired on Fox on December 26, 1991, and was the series' second flashback episode following Season Two's "The Way We Was." As mentioned before, that episode detailed how Homer and Marge first met. Regarding this one, it was the tale of how (and why) Homer and Marge became husband and wife, how Homer began his tenure at the power plant, and of course, Bart's birth. This was a good and emotional episode, mainly because we see Homer and Marge's devotion to each other being very strong and impenetrable. Those two are made for each other, they are the ultimate marriage goal.

A trival tidbit: the Season Two episode, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?," hinted at this tidbit regarding Bart, as Homer said--regarding the children's births--that "the boy was a close call." Also, we get a callback to this episode nearly five years later in Season Eight's "A Milhouse Divided." This episode is the second in the early flashback series that details, bit by bit, how the Simpson family was built. Following this episode, there's "Lisa's First Word," which details Lisa's birth, and then "And Maggie Makes Three," the emotional tale of Maggie's introduction into the world.

Those next two flashback episodes will be stories for another time. Regarding "I Married Marge," it was definitely one of the best classic episodes of the series, due to the emotion, the hilarity, and especially the unforgettable moments.