Simpsons Review: "Bart Gets Hit by a Car"

There are a number of memorable episodes of The Simpsons just waiting to be reviewed. Of course, I won't do all of them; just the classic and standout ones, but even those are immensely plentiful. I've saved up a list of such episodes in my head (and online) that I just have to talk about, and this episode, "Bart Gets Hit by a Car," is definitely one of them.

The episode starts innocently enough: Bart's skateboarding through the town, but all of a sudden, he's struck by a vehicle! Not just any car, it's Burns' car, driven by Smithers. The pair exit the car and survey the situation, all the while, Bart's essence emerges from his body.

"Cool, I'm dead!" Typical classic Bart line.

Bart heads to the pearly gates, and sees lost loved ones on the way: Great-Aunt Hortense, Great-Grampa Simpson, and of course, Snowball I. A familiar (and beloved, more on that later) voice gives the rules, one of them being "Do not spit over the sides." They're given in both English and Spanish, but even in temporary death, Bart speaks only one language: rebellion. He hawks a loogie over the side, and immediately, he's sent downward. Way downward.

So Bart's in, well, the other place, where he meets Satan himself. The Devil looks at Bart's file, and says that Bart's not supposed to be due back in Hell "until the next time the Yankees win the pennant." "That's nearly a century from now," the Devil says.

Try five years, smart ass.

Bart rises back up, with Satan telling him, "Remember: lie, cheat, steal, and listen to heavy metal music!" You hear that? Heavy Metal. That's the problematic music genre. Not rap, as so many racists try to say.

Bart's revived and in a hospital where he sees his family and an unknown man, who introduces himself as Lionel Hutz, attorney at law. Hutz suggests suing the person responsible, aka Mr. Burns, and increases his insistence when he emphasizes about the moolah he could get. After Homer receives Hutz's card, Dr. Hibbert checks on Bart, and states that his injuries are minor. Later on, Homer's called to Burns' office, where he receives quite a settlement for the accident: $100. Even back then, a C-note can't do much of anything, and Homer reminded Burns of Bart's medical bills. An irate Burns takes back the offer, and upon seeing Hutz's card, he gives the shyster a call. In Hutz's office, Homer is promised a big cash settlement. How big? Oh, I'd say a million dollars is a-OK. Homer did.

Hutz takes the Simpsons to get a "real doctor's opinion," and that's where Dr. Nick Riviera come in (Hi, Dr. Nick!). According to Dr. Nick's "analysis," Bart has everything short of the Black Plague and COVID, and after that, the lawsuit's filed. Burns wants Homer canned, but Smithers talks him out of it, and they go to court. Hutz prepares Bart to really ham it up for the jury, and when Day 1 arrives, we see Bart in a wheelchair playing more injured than he's letting on. Burns definitely doesn't help his case with his outburst.

"I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!" Burns proclaims. Holy moley!

Bart takes the stand, and he goes into sob story mode, which includes a fantasy sequence portraying him as a kid innocently skateboarding before being intentionally targeted by Burns and Smithers. Burns says Bart's lying (which he is), yet Burns tells his own tall tale. His sequence sees him on a "charity mission," and claiming that Bart was darting at the car before he was hit. Even worse, Burns actually portrays Smithers as an uncaring prick who wanted to drive on, and we see Burns cradling Bart and begging God to spare Bart and take him instead.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, not one person's buying it. Everyone glares at Burns, and I do mean everyone, because even Smithers was mad at him.

"What are you looking at me for?" asked Burns. "You believed his cock-and-bull story."

What follows is Burns chewing out his team of lawyers; similar to how a coach yells at his players when they are being blown out. After angrily agreeing to a settlement, Burns arranges the meeting, which sees Homer and Marge at Burns' place discussing terms. The offer is made: $500,000. A full half of a million dollars. Even now, in this current economic climate, a lot can be done with half a million, so back then? That's "rest of your life" money. Burns and Smithers leave Homer and Marge to talk it out, and (while Burns and Smithers are secretly listening) Marge says that they should take the money and run. Translation: "We're up by a lot, it's the fourth quarter, let's play the clock and not do anything crazy."

However, Homeboy has a bit of Dan Campbell in him, and he's not satisfied. He claims Burns knows he'll lose and have to cough up a full million, and he spits on the $500,000 deal... literally (and misses). Marge is stunned by Homer's reaction, and voices her dissatisfaction with, among other things, phony doctors. That phrase is heard by Burns, and right there, that's the moment the game changed. Marge said that she would simply settle for Bart's medical bills being paid, and an apology. Burns appears and tears up deal and says they'll let the jury decide. Translation, in the words of Matt Hasselbeck: "We got the ball and we're gonna score."

Unlike Hasselbeck, Burns actually did score for his own team.

Burns' lawyer (the unnamed Blue-Haired Lawyer) calls Marge to the stand, and unfortunately for Hutz and Homer, they won't be talking about their matching hair color. Dr. Hibbert is mentioned, with Marge stating that he's the family's physician, only for the lawyer to mention that for this case, they got their opinions from Dr. Nick. When asked about her opinions on Dr. Nick, Marge tried to back out, but ended up telling the truth about Nick being incompetent, being obsessed with wrapping Bart in bandages, and her suspicions that he's not a real doctor. Regarding Bart's "intense anguish and suffering," Marge revealed that Bart missed three days of school, but he doesn't like school in the first place. When it comes to monetary value, Marge stated that Bart gets paid $5 a week to take out the trash, and had he been able to do so, he'd get the five bucks.

"Five dollars?" the lawyer says. "But your lawyer, assuming he is one, is asking for a million! Well, we can't blame them for trying."

Marge steps down, Homer and Hutz are in shambles, and Burns is in "Checkmate, bitch" mode. Burns then gives Homer a mock offer: a big fat ZERO. "I think we should take it," said Hutz. Yeah, no shit.

Back at the Simpson household, it's dinner time, but all Homer could think of was losing that case and losing a million dollars. Even worse, in Homer's mind, Marge cost him that moolah. Bart, suddenly without bandages, goes on and on about what they could have done with that million dollars, because the perfect way to cope with an embarrassing loss is twisting the knife. Homer goes to Moe's, and Marge senses that something's up, and she knows what it is.

At Moe's, Homer frets that "this is the glass that I'm gonna die in." Moe's response:

"Ah, you're better off. Rich people are never happy. From the day they're born to the day they die, they think they're happy, but trust me... they ain't."

"Moe, I wish you'd shut up," thought Homer.

Marge enters the tavern, and all of the guys go wild, after which Homer shuts down the catcalls. Marge tells Homer that she wants to apologize for doing the right thing, and mentions their past arguments over money. Homer stated that this was different than their arguments, and adds that when he looks at Marge, he'll no longer see his loving wife or the mother of his children, rather, he would only see Marge as "the dame who blew my one big chance." Even worse, Homer actually tells Marge that he's not sure he loves her anymore, which drew shock from not only Marge, but everyone in the bar. Marge wants Homer to look her right in the eyes and tell her that he doesn't love her. Homer does so, slowly starting down and looking right in to Marge's eyes. Homer can't do it. He still loves Marge and always will, and Marge loves him right back.

"Bart Gets Hit by a Car," the 10th episode of The Simpsons' second season, aired on January 10, 1991. This and the first "Treehouse of Horror" serve as my two favorite episodes from the second season, and this one was a wild one. Here's a crazy fun fact. Out of 800+ episodes of the series, only five have actually shown the title. This was the second of those five (the first was Season One's "The Telltale Head"). We also saw the debut of Dr. Nick Riviera, the very incompetent doctor, who--as we all know--was apparently knocked off in the 2007 movie when that shard from the dome fell on him. Yet there he was in a Season 20 episode; I was glad to see him in that episode, though. Another debut was the unnamed Blue-Haired Lawyer, who would pop up in so many different episodes, including representing Bart in his emancipation case in Season 14's "Barting Over."

Oh, and there's one more debut that took place in this episode:

This man needs no introduction, but if you think he's not getting one, you're nuts. Philip Edward Hartman. You might remember him from his eight seasons on SNL, being part of Pee-Wee's Playhouse, doing movies such as CB4, Houseguest, one of my favorite holiday films in Jingle All the Way, and Small Soldiers, and playing Bill McNeal on NewsRadio. This episode marked Hartman's debut on the show, voicing one of his two signature characters, crooked yet incompetent shyster Lionel Hutz. Hartman would add another character in the form of out of work actor Troy McClure, and that heavenly voice telling Bart not to spit over the sides? That was also Hartman. Hartman also voiced Lyle Lanley, the crook who promoted the monorail into Springfield in Season Four's "Marge vs the Monorail."

Hartman was such a treasure, he really gave his all into his Simpsons performances, beginning with his debut in this episode. Matt Groening truly loved Phil Hartman, so much so that he retired Hartman's characters following the actor's very untimely death in 1998. In addition, Groening named his main Futurama character, Phillip J. Fry, in honor of Hartman, and of course, Hartman was planned to voice Zapp Brannigan on that same series, but after Hartman's passing, Billy West (who was also voicing Fry, Professor Farnsworth, and Dr. Zoidberg) took on the role of Brannigan.

"Bart Gets Hit by a Car" was definitely one of the best classic episodes of the series for so many reasons. The drama of Bart being struck, the crazy methods Homer resorted to get as much as possible, and that dramatic ending. A true landmark episode that is part of why The Simpsons is so iconic!