Shake, Rattle and Roll

On board the Molovian spaceship, Attohr…

Captain Tagaz paced back and forth in front of the ship’s control console, muttering angrily to himself behind his mask about filthy humans. Every record described Earth as one of the vilest places in the universe. He shuddered. Filthy humans.

It is necessary, he repeated to himself for the thousandth time. These words had become a mantra to help him remember how important this work was for his entire race. Like all Molovians, Tagaz wore grey and black armour, fused to his body like an exoskeleton. There was no way of knowing what the creature underneath looked like. The mask’s opaque visor prevented any revelation, always sealed against the potentially lethal germs and toxins of the outside environment. For the umpteenth time, Tagaz checked the filtration system and the air quality within the suit, breathing a sigh of relief when all was clear.

He stopped his calculated pacing. “FRETCH!” he yelled.

A timid looking Molovian scientist stepped forward. “Captain?”

“How is our subject?”

“Alive and well, Sir,” Fretch answered, voice crackling with fear.

Tagaz rubbed his hands together to keep from wringing his fingers. This was a feat never attempted in Molovian history. The journey towards unlocking the secrets of time travel had been long, but necessary. Now they would be able to create vaccines and cures for diseases that didn’t even exist yet. It was the only way to be prepared against ger-... He couldn’t even think the vile word. It was an important job, of course, and somebody had to do it – but why did it have to be him?

***

Las Vegas, 1978

The Doctor opened the TARDIS door. “Viva, Las Vegas!”

Bill shook her head and smiled at the Doctor’s wide grin. She loved how he was always so excited. This will never get old, she thought to herself as she took in their surroundings. How had she lived before the Doctor?

“You’re supposed to be guarding the Vault,” grumbled a bland voice, emanating from a short bald man appearing behind them.

“The Vault, the Vault. Always the Vault. You really should get a hobby, Nardole,” the Doctor answered dismissively. “Besides, look.” He flashed the psychic paper which displayed the words, “Please help me. I’m so scared.”

“See. We got a message,” the Doctor informed them brusquely. “Someone calls, I answer. It’s what I do.”

Nardole rolled his eyes. I have a hobby, he thought to himself, it’s called keeping you out of trouble. Sometimes the Doctor could be so exasperating.

Bill took the psychic paper and studied it, face alight with curiosity. “So, who’s it from?”

The Doctor shrugged. “No idea! But they’re obviously terrified.”

“Oh, I don’t like the sound of that,” whined Nardole. “Maybe we should just head back… or not,” he added, cutting himself off as the Doctor started to walk away.

They hadn’t walked far before the Doctor noticed something odd. It was nearing dusk and flashing above them was a sign, brightly announcing itself as the Hilton and informing them that Elvis Presley would be playing tonight.

Bill paused as she saw it. “Hey, that can’t be right. Aren’t we in 1978? Elvis died in 1977.”

“Apparently not.” The Doctor grabbed a newspaper from a nearby stand. “And look! He’s staying in the Flamingo Hotel.”

“So, Elvis is alive, like, right now?” Bill was bursting with excitement. The King! Her Mum had been a huge fan of Elvis, and now Bill would get to see the soundtrack to her childhood brought to life in front of her!

But the Doctor did not share her enthusiasm. Instead, he frowned, deep in thought. “Yes. Something is wrong. Let’s go and introduce ourselves. I think the King of Rock needs to meet Doctor Disco.”

***

“There’s a doctor here to see you, Mr Presley. He says your producers asked him to be on call during your stay here,” announced a blonde woman from the door to Elvis’s suite.

“Yes, that’s me, hello.” The Doctor came striding in wearing his sonic sunglasses, scanning the room and the man sitting at the small table.

He frowned at what he saw.

The glasses were telling him that this man’s DNA had been altered. He changed the setting to get a closer look. No, not altered, added to. There were extra strands that shouldn’t be there. Right now, they were dormant, waiting for whatever trigger would activate them. The Doctor searched his expansive collection of knowledge. He was sure he had seen that specific DNA pattern before, a long time ago. Behind him he could vaguely hear Bill making pleasantries; Bill who was clearly beside herself to be meeting Elvis.

“Look, I know you’re just doing your job and I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine. I know this is my first performance since the incident but I don’t need baby-sitting,” Elvis was saying.

The Doctor’s ears perked up. “Incident? What incident?” This was more like it.

Elvis gave the Doctor a stunned look. “You didn’t hear? Where have you been hiding?”

“Oh, a place very far away. You wouldn’t have heard of it.”

Elvis eyed them all doubtfully, his mind turning. Maybe it’s a test, he wondered, some sort of psycho-analysis to see how I react while telling the story. He took a deep breath and began to speak, his voice only a little shaky as he told them how he went missing six months ago and still had no idea where he had been during that time. The last thing he remembered was being in the bathroom when he got these sudden sharp pains in his chest. He assumed it was a heart attack and tried to reach the phone.

“There was a bright light and then I blacked out. Next thing I know, I’m waking up in my own bed to find out that three months had passed.” He braced himself before he said the next words. “You won’t believe me. You will probably say I’m crazy, just like everyone else, but I think I was, you know… abducted. By aliens.”

The Doctor shot Bill a meaningful look, raising his bushy eyebrows in delight. “Abduction, you say? I love a good abduction story.”

He’s like a kid in a candy store, Bill thought fondly. “What makes you think you were abducted?”

Elvis shifted in his seat. “Well, I dunno. It’s just a feeling. Say, wait a minute, you folk are acting like you believe me.”

“Oh, we do,” confirmed the Doctor. “Alien abductions happen all the time.”

Elvis blinked several times in visible confusion but he wasn’t about to question it. “Please, then, can you help me? I don’t feel right and honestly, I’ve been so scared since my… return.”

“So, you sent the message,” surmised the Doctor.

“What message?”

“Nothing, not important. Anyway, yes, we will help you.”

“Well, thank you very much. I sure do appreciate it.”

Bill chuckled at Elvis’s signature words. Totally just met Elvis! she silently gloated, grinning from ear to ear.

***

Back aboard the Attohr, Tagaz grimaced behind his mask, watching the growing crowd lining up before the Hilton from his console screen. The sight was repulsive. So many humans crammed into one space. Every now and then, someone would cough or sneeze or drag a hand across their nose, and Tagaz would wince and cringe. These animals would soon be on his ship.

“Can’t they stop doing that?” he roared. “Don’t they know how unhygienic they are?”

He was almost on the verge of a tantrum. The other Molovians looked just as antsy, shuffling uneasily from foot to foot. In its entirety, the plan would see the whole of the human race in their control. The DNA implanted in the human musician would impact his music whether he sang live or recorded it. Once again, Tagaz checked the filtration and air quality of his suit and swallowed the rising panic as the doors to the venue opened. It was time.

***

Elvis peeked out from backstage as the hall began to fill. Something didn’t feel right. He couldn’t say what it was, but it almost felt like he shouldn’t be there. No time to think on it though. He had a concert to perform. With a final adjustment of his hair, belt and collar, he stepped out into the spotlight. As he did so, he felt an electric shock sensation run through his body. It wasn’t painful but he still caught his breath. It’s just nerves, he reassured himself. He greeted the wildly screaming crowd and the odd sensation was forgotten as he broke out into “Hound Dog,” not noticing the crowd fall silent the moment he started singing; the crowd that included Bill, Nardole and the Doctor.

“Uuuum… Doctor…” began Nardole.

“Bill? Bill? Bill, can you hear me?” The Doctor waved his hand back and forth in front of Bill’s face, getting no response. Her eyes were open but glazed over. “She’s been hypnotized. They’ve all been hypnotized.”

“Why haven’t we?” asked Nardole.

“It’s only the humans. Whoever is behind this wasn’t expecting there to be non-humans present.”

“What about Hound Dog over there, then,” Nardole pointed out, indicating Elvis who was still singing up a storm.

“Oh, he’s hypnotized too.” The Doctor raced to the stage and scanned Elvis with his sonic sunglasses. “Argh, where have I seen that DNA before?” He scanned the room, looking for the source of power controlling the humans.

Suddenly, an announcement came loudly through the speakers. “Attention, putrid scum!”

Elvis stopped singing, standing placidly in the centre of the stage as someone else came to stand beside him.

“Of course! Stupid Doctor,” the Doctor berated himself. “It’s the Molovians.”

“Are they the hypochondriac ones?” wondered Nardole aloud.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “No, the other Molovians. Of course, the hypochondriacs, Nardole! That explains the hypnotism and Mr Presley’s additional DNA. That DNA that has been keeping Elvis alive for this very purpose – collecting people to use as lab rats.”

“Why would they need humans for lab rats?” Nardole asked, not sure he really wanted to know.

“Gene testing, DNA testing, disease testing, disease cure testing; whatever they can think of that will help them become invincible to all forms of sickness.”

“Please remain still as you are transported aboard our vessel,” the Molovian beside Elvis droned. The crowd began to thin as they were dematerialized for transportation. Then it was Bill’s turn.

“Oh no you don’t!” cried the Doctor. He quickly caught the signal with his sonic glasses and raced back to the TARDIS, inputting the data into its navigation. The engines roared to life. Nardole made it through the doors with seconds to spare before the TARDIS disappeared, reappearing on the bridge of a large spaceship.

The Doctor flung the doors open angrily to a disturbing sight. There were humans everywhere, all lined up in neat rows. Several Molovians were gingerly removing their clothing and tossing it aside to be incinerated. Each human was then branded on the back of the hand with a number, before being dressed in a thin gown. In their hypnotized state, they didn’t even scream when the burning metal touched their skin.

It was like looking at a battery farm.

“Right!” the Doctor roared. “Everybody stop!”

“I’d do what he says,” advised Nardole. “He’s quite cranky.”

“Yes, thank you, Nardole, but I think I’ve got it from here.” The Doctor cast his gaze on everyone. “I’m the Doctor and you’re all in very big trouble. You took my friend and I’m here to take her back.”

Captain Tagaz squealed. No one boarded his ship without his knowing. He could practically feel the foul diseases from these creatures crawling across his body and felt an immense wave of gratitude for his exoskeleton armour, though he longed for the day when they would not to wear it all. That would be the day the Molovians became invincible! Immune to every known disease!

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” demanded Captain Tagaz, trying to cover his initial cowardly screech.

“Oh, I’m no one important but they are,” the Doctor said, nodding towards the humans. Just as he did, he spotted Bill. She seemed unharmed thus far.

“Captain…” the timid scientist approached Tagaz. He had been quietly scanning the newcomers since they arrived and could not believe what he was reading.

“What is it, Fretch?” Tagaz asked, clearly annoyed with the current situation.

“Sir, that one there…” Fretch paused as he pointed to the Doctor, “is a Time Lord.” His tone was almost reverent as he spoke the name. Time Lords were legends, for they could regenerate – a most enviable feature. Even if one was to contract some horrid sickness and die, they would simply regenerate into another form and live on.

“But this is excellent! Guards, seize them!” ordered Tagaz.

Burly guards stepped forward, pointing their blasters at Nardole and the Doctor. One of the guards prodded the Doctor hard in the stomach, causing him to double over and the sonic sunglasses fell to the floor. At the same moment, another guard was prodding Bill to move up. It was almost her turn to be branded. Suddenly, the Doctor let out a violent coughing fit. The guards yelled in fright and leapt backwards in an attempt to escape the onslaught of germs.

“Don’t let them get away!” Tagaz cried.

In the confusion, the Doctor grabbed his sonic sunglasses. Bill was next in line. He closed his eyes, feeling for the TARDIS’ telepathic field and used it to reach out. “Bill, you can do it. Break free. Bill, listen to me! Break free!”

He could feel her struggle, fighting to regain control, yet not able to. Searching the bridge, he noticed a blue button on the console, covered by a locked case. He grinned. Now that looks important. With a fake sneeze, he lunged towards the button. Screeching Molovians dove out of his way in every direction, not wanting his sneeze to touch them.

“Oops, so sorry,” mocked the Doctor.

“Stop him!” Tagaz bellowed, only to have the Doctor send a coughing fit in his direction.

“Too late! See, you don’t know me so you don’t know how very clever I am.” The Doctor aimed his glasses at the button and the next minute, the console was sparking and shorting out. “Bill!”

With the hypnotic link broken, utter chaos ensued. Bill blinked, eyes searching for the Doctor. Then she was running, flinging herself into his arms. The humans started screaming as they came out of their trance, running frightened circles in their unfamiliar surroundings.

“Bill! Into the TARDIS now!” urged the Doctor.

Bill tried to calm the humans and usher them into the TARDIS. The Molovian guards were trying desperately to recapture them but the Doctor put a stop to that. Aiming his sunglasses at the ship’s captain, he linked the mask Tagaz wore with all the others and deactivated them. The visors vanished and the true, ghastly pale faces of the Molovians were revealed – faces screaming in terror at being exposed to air contaminated by human germs. The skin was white, the eyes, the lips; everything was white, like all the colour had been drained away.

“Oh, quit your whining and breathe in that fresh air!” mocked the Doctor, then proceeded to cough violently. That was the final straw. The Molovians fled the room. Only Tagaz remained, struggling to replace his visor.

“It’s alright,” Bill tried to reassure the humans while the Molovians were distracted by their panic. “The Doctor is here to help. He will take you all home. Trust me!”

Seeing no better option, the humans began piling into the TARDIS, eliciting further screams when they saw the inside.

The Doctor pointed furiously at Tagaz. “Leave. Don’t even think about coming back because I will be here to stop you again.” He drew in a deep breath and sent it gushing out towards the Molovian captain. Tagaz let loose a shrill cry before he too fled the scene.

***

The humans cautiously exited the TARDIS, their cries turning to happiness as they realized they were back in the Hilton. Elvis was still there too, lying still upon the stage. No one even seemed to notice save for the Doctor, Bill and Nardole.

“Doctor, is he…?” Bill couldn’t finish.

“Dead? Yes. Deactivating his extra DNA took care of that.”

“And you knew that would happen?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Things are back to how they were meant to be,” the Doctor explained. “Elvis being alive threw the earth into an alternate time line. Things would have only got worse if he continued to live.”

Bill didn’t say anything. The Doctor always meant well, and, she supposed, there were things even a Time Lord couldn’t control. Taking a deep breath, she watched as Elvis’s body faded away, proof, she supposed, that the Doctor was right. The world had reset itself to the way it should be.

*

The End

*