Rewatching Twilight

Now I always remember Eclipse being my favorite movie and book (I had a thing for 3rd installments for a while) so we’ll see how this movie watching experience goes.

Desperately trying not to be weirded out by Jacob explaining imprinting. It’s super weird and there is no creepy way to explain that.

My poor Robert Pattinson looks constipated just the whole time.

Also kind of forgot how adorable Jasper is, he barely exists in the first two movies. Yup totally my favorite movie still. Definitely the best movie but we are grading on a curve.

We all just forget that Jasper was a CONFEDERATE soldier???!!! Them's the bad guys, my dudes.

Victoria has been the conflict for nearly this whole series which is a little weak sauce but we have a big battle in this one at least. The series of events really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, in the last movie we established that the Volturi exist to keep clans of vampires in line and yet they’ve chosen to do nothing about this newborn army that Victoria put together? Mkay.

Twilight vampires are highly flammable…

Horrible cut from when Jacob gets his ribs broken, wolf to human was a terrible transition….like high school PowerPoint bad.

We are moving into Bella needing to be turned because of the Volturi. The one thing I will give these movies is that they are pretty well paced.

At least you get to see how pretty Kristen is in the wedding scene.

When Bella gets pregnant we see the story do a very obvious “pro-choice” storyline, that is in quotes because that story was already being told with Edward and Rosalie being against Bella becoming a vampire. Like that story was already being told and it just felt half assed and repetitive.

And then the wolves decide to kill the baby because “it won’t be able to control its thirst” is wild because it makes no sense. They know nothing about the baby or what kind of creature it is so they genuinely don’t know if they are in danger or not. And as such kind of goes against everything they’ve done with the wolves so far. At this point the wolves have been ornery but also extremely reasonable and logical under Sam, so jumping into the murder of a baby is a wild out of character jump.

Again shitting in the face of vampire lore by having Bella get pregnant. And also the baby grows extremely fast despite Edward not aging at all…okay that makes perfect sense.

I know we make fun of it all the time but we need to talk more shit about the name Renesmee…it's terrible. Also Jacob imprinting on the baby is in fact a lot creepy.

Also the absolutely horrible CGI used for Renesmee was so so unnecessary. How difficult was finding a real baby?

Edward being amused by Bella just beating the shit out of Jacob is still hilarious.

Charlie watching Jacob turn wolf is so fucking funny, also I love that since she is a vampire now they let Kristen Stewart be as beautiful as she is.

Now the pacing of these movies would be so good if everything didn’t seem so half baked. Like Bella learning how to use her shield power. Couldn’t do it, didn’t even know it was a thing, all of a sudden has it perfectly mastered. That’s just lazy.

I guess my last major critique is that the audience never really gets to see these vampires abilities. We see all of like 2 of Alice’s visions, we see what Renesme shows people all of once and I’m not saying we need to see it every time it happens but it’s extremely lazy to TELL your audience what the character saw instead of SHOWING us. Ya know, storytelling 101.

The core of the story is fine, good even. The twisted version of the vampire lore is not, and the execution of both is mediocre at best. As a whole Twilight is a franchise that includes movies that people watched. And once again we are reminded that popularity doesn’t indicate quality. The movies are worth the nostalgia watch but they really aren’t anything special.