Warnings: blood mention, nightmare, threat of losing someone, swearing
What was I thinking? It's one of those times when I hated being the most optimistic Side in the mind. Even if I didn't have the role as the heart, Logan wouldn't love me to save anybody's life. I figured it's probably just because it's me that constantly confessed to him. Every time he dismissed me, my chest ended up hurting more. Since confessing, even for the sake of closure, was getting me nowhere, I figured it would be best to go to someone I never associated with helping me. I went to the Side's door with a chill surrounding me and knocked.
At the sound of a knock, I opened my bedroom door without bothering to remove the blood from my favorite outfit. Much to my surprise, I saw the very "innocent" Patton on the other side with some nervousness and sadness.
"Oh, did you come here to rub it in that my better half has a better life?" I snapped.
"Actually, I need your help. You know a lot about removing organs, right?" Patton asked.
My attitude started to change at the sound of him needing my help. I found it surprising and amusing that he'd want me to disfigure someone in such a manner.
"Alright, who's the bastard that needs a biological makeover?" I asked with a smirk.
"Well, it's me. I need you to remove my heart," Patton retorted.
I didn't know why I was eager to hear more about it; maybe it was because I was interested in gossip, maybe it was I relished in Patton's obvious discomfort, maybe a part of me actually cared about him. Whatever the reason, I brought Patton into my room and cleaned off a section of my bed for him to sit on and explain himself.
"What's going on inside your head, Pat?" I asked.
"Well...there's this guy who I'm in love with, but he brushes me off no matter how many times I tell him. I figured the best course of action would be to remove a part of me that's responsible for so much pain," Patton explained.
I had a feeling I knew who the guy was, but I also had a feeling of hesitation, something that was very new to me. If we were human, of course it would end in death, but more complications awaited at the end of the line.
"Pat, you do know that doing this means you could either fade away and be replaced with a new aspect of the heart or you could turn into a shell of your former self, right?" I told him.
"I don't care. But, in case something actually does happen, may I have my heart removed the day after tomorrow so I can at least say goodbye?" Patton responded.
I just nodded while thinking over Patton's insistence. I couldn't completely deny his request, but I couldn't just allow the asshole to let it happen.
I didn't think too much of Patton's behavior when he started, from what I could tell, telling everyone words of encouragement from the bottom of his heart (not even when he told me "You deserve so much love, anyone would be lucky to have you"). I didn't question anything when he insisted that all of us should spend time together as a family. However, something seemed different when I heard that, in everyone's rooms, Deceit received a collection of dead mice, Remus received a painting of Pogo the Clown, Roman received a crown, Thomas received Patton's puppet with sweet healthy foods, Virgil received some stuffed cats, and I received a bouquet of flowers that smelled like various Crofters Jams. I looked over and smelled the bouquet and couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. When Remus walked by while admiring the painting. I cleared my throat.
"Remus, does something feel...off about Patton? It's almost like he wants to leave an impression before leaving," I tried to explain.
"Oh, some asshole dismissed his romantic feelings and he wanted his heart removed, so he wanted to say goodbye," Remus bluntly answered.
I found myself scared for Patton. What kind of cruel person would hurt him to such an extent? He's too sweet to deserve that type of pain!
Pretty soon, we had a movie night courtesy of Patton and I thought about what the "Too honest for his own good" Side relayed. The thought of losing Patton in any way terrified me. I wanted to stop the procedure, but I didn't know how. I fell asleep during the movie night and only realized it due to my sudden change in scenery.
From the perspective of an outsider looking in, I saw various occurrences of times where Patton told me he loved me. I didn't think much of it when they happened because I figured he was only saying it as the heart and I didn't want to get my hopes up. As I looked over the multiple incidents, I heard Remus's voice say "Oh, some asshole dismissed his romantic feelings". I was surprised to realize I was the one I should be mad at and ran off to find Patton to explain myself. I found Patton in a dark room and started to explain myself. However, as I was speaking, he turned around slowly to reveal a blank expression on his face and a deep hole in his chest where his heart should been. Before I could scream, I woke up.
I noticed I was in my bed and I had my stuffed Baymax next to me. Patton must've tucked me in when I fell asleep. I quickly put on my glasses and rushed over to Remus's room.
I prepared Patton with anesthesia before I placed him on my operation table. I hoped that giving Logan a better perspective of his memories using a nightmare paid off. Before any of my tools could touch Patton's skin, someone kicked down my door.
"I know I suggested ignoring you, but like hell am I going to let you hurt Patton!" Logan shouted at me.
I stared at Logan blankly and made my tools disappear before saying "Do you want to be the pot or the kettle?" Logan stomped in my direction and removed the straps from Patton without me stopping him.
"Did you know about these feelings he had?" he asked me.
"Everybody did. When he expresses love for someone he considers a friend or son, it's different from romantic love. Gossip and spying pays off," I told him.
"I wish I knew sooner," I heard him mutter.
Logan grabbed Patton's arms and vanished.
I was looking at Patton and thought about what would've happened if I hadn't stopped the procedure. The lack of his jokes and personality would make things too different for my comfort. I wouldn't have the chance to tell him that what I claimed was annoying about him was what I found adorable about him. I saw Patton squirm after some time and failed to hold back tears.
"Patton! You're awake!" I stated.
"L-Logan? Did I...die?" Patton asked.
"No, you didn't die. I stopped Remus from going through with the procedure," I explained.
Patton looked around and acknowledged we were in my room. He lied back down and stared at the ceiling.
"It's probably more satisfying to rip my heart out yourself, right?" Patton asked me, increasing my guilt.
"Patton, listen to me. I love you so much. I can't stand the thought of being without you. I know telling myself you didn't really mean it when you told me you love me just added to me taking you for granted and I am so sorry! I don't want to lose you in any shape or form!" I exploded.
I could tell Patton had a lot to take in. I guess it's called empathy, but if I was told by someone who has ignored my advances that they loved me, I'd take the claims with a pail of salt.
"Logan...do you...mean it?" I heard.
"Of course I do. I just wish I told you all of this sooner," I answered.
I looked into Patton's eyes and recognized the cute childlike sparkle that only he would have in his eyes.
"Cuddle me?" he asked.
"Gladly," I responded.
I held Patton close without caring about what time it was and I thought about my desire to be better for him.
About the author
I'm not the most sophisticated adult out there. I'm also not the best at communicating all the time, but I do try my best to get my thoughts out there into the world verbally or nonverbally.