Nerdgasm

It's difficult to hold on to a dream. Throughout my years many-a-dream have come and gone, lost to the complex hurdles of life. Even the best-laid plans fall to ruin under fate's withering stare.

I have started two businesses throughout my life that slowly fell to the wayside as worldly obstacles took precedence. A high school jewelry “business” fell apart as two full-time jobs engulfed my schedule. A girl's gotta eat and crafting shiny trinkets just didn't pay the bills.

The good news is, it wasn't a total loss! I discovered a deep unexpected passion for cleaning and organization during my years in hotel housekeeping. Perfectly tucked beds and majestic stacks of symmetrical linens fill me with glee to this day.

After leaving my peaceful small-town jobs for the big bad city, I felt a need to strike out from the traditional work structure that had ruled my being for so long. The entrepreneurial spirit slowly dwindling in me reared its head with renewed determination. Gathering all of my courage and supplies, I stormed into the domestic housekeeping market! Self-sufficiency, here I come!

The following two years were packed with enticingly aromatic bouts of joy, and a sense of true accomplishment. Unfortunately, my inability to deny new customers left me utterly exhausted, scrubbing and scraping through twelve-hour days. The enamourment that had once enveloped my work dwindled faster as my client base grew. It was time to make a change, find some stability that would bring back the passion I once felt for my work.

The perfect opportunity arose when a long-time client mentioned their quest for a nanny. I already knew the kids and adored the house, so it would be a perfect fit! The next four years with their family were quite the adventure.

Life as a full-time nanny was a dream job. Baking my grandmother's famous banana muffins and engaging with the kids filled my life with joy. There were rough patches of course, as there always is with tiny humans, but I cherished every moment. It’s an incredible thing to be part of a child's life. Children are amazing little creatures. They will surprise you in new ways every day. You can never predict when a nugget of incredible wisdom may tumble from the depths of an innocent mind.

As the children grew, my nanny gig transitioned into a personal assistant position for one of the most ambitious creatives I have ever encountered. I was thrust into a fast-paced world of professional artists, filmmaking, publishing, event planning, and anything that stood in the path to success.

Working with such an enthusiastic creative awakened the long-dormant truth within me. My new mentor was one hundred percent herself, all the time, with no apologies. The freedom of her spirit felt somewhat foreign to me. As a child, I was always urged to “tone it down”. It was ingrained in me that my fullest self was “too much” and, for society's sake, I should be more conformative. I took this advice deep within my heart and buried myself there for many years. I hadn’t realized how deeply until my boss asked me a vaguely off-putting question.

“Do you ever like… emote?” She asked one day, after sharing exciting news to a decidedly non-celebratory response. I thought about it for a moment and the best answer I came up with was that I hadn’t known it would be expected of me. I WAS excited. Admittedly, the drab look on my face most of the time didn’t portray that emotion well, but the feeling was there. I realized that I had spent my life conforming to a false idea that my true self was unacceptable to present in society. I had shrunk into anonymity for the sake of those who would never do the same for me. In many ways that was the moment my life began anew.

It wasn’t all glamourous art shows and book tours. We had our share of fun, of course, but the bulk of my work took place rooted in front of a computer. Anyone who has filled out a grant application knows the utter tyranny beholden to those who seek “free” money. The lessons I learned, though occasionally painful, have guided me towards a glistening path of possibilities.

That very unique job experience offered equal parts bountiful joy and mind-numbing challenges. I’m certain a few grey hairs sprouted from the experience, but I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to be part of something wonderful. Something bigger than myself. Though Covid-19 led to the end of my time with that incredible family, the inspiration they instilled in me marches on. The incredible experiences and knowledge I gained have bolstered my courage to take off on a creative adventure of my own!

For the last year, I have traversed the treacherous path of the professional creative. In the midst of an early quarantine breakdown, video games and knitting held together the shattered pieces of my eternally overachieving soul. With no job or general purpose in life, my self-image crashed full speed into a wall. I realized that I had centred my entire self-worth around my value as an employee.

That settled it, I was hired!

The first step to regaining my self-worth was locating a new prime directive. With a tentative dream of being a full-time artist, I took the plunge and launched the Creative Chimera business adventure. I wanted the name of my business to reflect the eclectic, and vaguely chaotic, diversity of my creative passions. In Greek mythology, Chimeras are hailed as fire-breathing female monsters with a lion's head, a goat's body, and a serpent's tail. The more flexible definition would be that a Chimera is a culmination of life forces, fused into a single glorious concoction! My constantly evolving body of work is perfectly summarized as a Creative Chimera.

One glaring issue stood in my way, I had zero following. How would anyone know I was a famous artist now if they couldn't see me?

A friend had recently introduced me to the streaming platform, Twitch. There is basically a category for everyone, offering exactly the flexibility I craved! The prospect of being paid to embrace my inner nerd was a revelation. As I pondered a starting point, my social anxiety kicked into overdrive. I was nervous just answering my own phone, how could I open myself up to dozens or even hundreds of live viewers!? After a stern self talking-to, I came to one conclusion. Screw it! If I'm going to lounge around playing games all day anyhow, what do I have to lose?

Previous experience with the humans of the internet left me cautiously optimistic, at best, about my future as a female solo gamer. I expected a lot of flak about my gender and general in-game prowess, but I never envisioned the response that greeted me. Like any orchard, Twitch has proffered a few bad seeds, however, the community as a whole is outstanding! My lack of technical knowledge was met with understanding and incredible advice as I made the leap from console to PC gaming. The Fallout (game series by Bethesda) community welcomed me with open arms, freely embracing my slightly erratic personality. I had finally found my people!

Shortly after my grand launch into streaming, a surprise guest entered the playing field.

His name is Binks, and he is now the greatest love of my life.

Binks became a regular partner on my stream, snatching up hearts and completely stealing the show! His “fans” return each week to gaze upon his smiling jowls and offer praise to “Lord Binks”. With our dynamic duo assembled, the world is ours for the taking.

While my physical body inhabited the “real world”, my mind became immersed in the fantasy wastelands of the Fallout series. I began creating fan art and props that could be printed at home to fill my beloved collection shelves and share the love with my community. The creations were met with great excitement, however, I discovered that access to an adequate printer was problematic for many community members. In the future, I hope to be able to provide pre-printed mailers for my community in order to provide the best possible service!

Redbubble has become my most successful endeavour thus far. Our growing community embraced my creative side, ordering artwork on masks, shirts, stickers, or anything that tickled their fancy. The incredible support within the Twitch community fuels my passion and fills my heart with pride.

Through this process of creation and community building, I have discovered a plethora of creative goodies to obsess over. In the spirit of my Chimera vision, I dream of crafting and curating a monthly “Nerdgasm” subscription box!

My hope is to offer a rotating selection of fandom-based or nerdalicious goodies. I would release a new box each month while rotating in a second selection of previous offerings. This duality allows those who missed their favourite fandom another shot to snag the limited edition goods! Bonus options each month will also aim to prevent subscribers from quitting if a certain theme disinterests them.

Some of my most popular items were designed with the Nerdgasm dream in mind. My goal is to provide more than just trinkets and apparel. Each box should be an experience. Along with finished products, I will be including mystery DIY sets of my creation. Building something with their own hands will allow each person to customize and connect with their collections. It also adds to the fun and anticipation of each month's arrival!

Many of my community members have expressed a love for my rather quirky food concoctions. At their demand, I am currently in the works of producing the Mal-Nutrition cookbook! The title is inspired by my streaming name, Mal, chosen in homage to the glorious Captain Malcolm Reynolds of the under-appreciated Firefly tv series. Each month I would like to include a special bonus recipe to keep the community tastebuds watering.

In addition to my personal creations, I would adore the opportunity to curate artwork from other kings and queens of the nerd realm. Supporting the artistic community is one of my greatest passions. In my ideal world, I would have an opportunity to spread the support and inspiration I have received throughout the glorious world of creatives. Now, more than ever, the world must foster its creative minds. Innovation from the next generations Leonardo Da Vinci could one day be our planet's salvation. I wish to have a hand in lifting our entire community up to provide support for the saviours of tomorrow!

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