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My Road So Far

A tattoo that reminds me, to carry on and fight the monsters.

By Catherine AgatiPublished 4 years ago 5 min read
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I cried in a tattoo shop. Not from pain. This baby didn't hurt. I wasn't necessarily sad, but I was emotional and it was bittersweet. I got a tattoo last November because that March, it was announced that Supernatural ( the tv show ) was going to air it's finale season. There are those that make fun or call it silly to cry over a tv show but Supernatural isn't any old show. Supernatural goes beyond that, way way beyond that, its like the Falcon and its going at warp speed. Just like Han Solo, it has defeated the odds. Almost got cancled twice and a company executive that did her best to kill the show by outting it on friday where shows go to die; but just like its characters it never could die. It coundn't die till the boys said. And evem now with the show nearing its last 7 episodes, it won't die. It can't die. The Supernatural Family is too big, the cast and crew too in love with the characters and fans and its influence too big. Supernatural was a show that never got those big awards or the true recognition it deserved but I believe what was created outside of the show is an award no show will ever know. I was 12 when the show aired. I saw it in my tv guide and thought the boys were cute. So I sat down on its air date, in the dark and with a pizza. That day I realized this show was much more than some pretty boys fighting monsters. I always say, I came for the pretty boys and stayed for the story.

You are probably wondering "Okay, please explain the tattoo". I will get there, I promise, but you have to know the depth of the effect of this show, its characters and the cast to know why I cried in a tattoo shop at 26 years old.

As Supernatural grew we saw a story that was so much more than guns, cheesy one liners and a nice car. We saw a story that taught us family don't end in blood, that even when everything has gone to absolute shite and there is no light in sight to keep fighting. It taught us to love fiercley, to fight hard, that sacrifes is worth it in the end, that even the demons in your mind arent as strong as you can be. The cast surpassed their characters. They bore their souls so many times to the fans. They let us into parts of their lives we never asked to know but they felt it was important we know. They are survivors themselves. Jared, who plays Sam, is very open about his struggle with mental illness and even starting a campaing " Always Keep Fighting", something I also have on my person in black ink. Jensen, who plays Dean, is open about his struggles and life altering events and Misha, who plays Cas, wants to show us all we are not alone.

Okay, am I getting to explaining the tattoo? Almost, just hang in there.

I was raised on the show. I mean 15 years is a long time, how can it not shape me some how? Sam gave me my love for knowledge and folk lore. Dean taught me pie is supriour and that crying doesnt mean you are weak. Cas taught me that sacrifice, though scary, is neccssary sometimes. I related to each of the three characters many times. The times Sam felt he wasn't worth much and was just a screw up but realizing later that he has done more good than bad. Dean, with is reletless need to go to any ends to protect and save those he loves while forgetting to care for himself, later to know he has people that love and need him too. And Cas, having his whole belief system shattered but later built into something stronger and more important. I love them. Parts of them are etched into my very DNA, I wouldnt have it any other way.

I know that sounds insane and obssesive but I was 12 when the show started. I was still a clay of a child who needed more molding. Supernatural, its cast and crew helped mold me.

When I went to college I couldnt watch the show consistantly. We didnt have cable and the CW app wasnt a thing yet. I didnt fall out of love, I just had to put it off for awhile. Then I turned 20 and everything went to hell. I attempted suicide. Funny enough, when i got my tattoo it was the 6th anniversary of the attempt. I did not plan that. When I was recovering I took back up the show and all those emotions came flowing back and I got back those characters that reminded me to never give up and then a month later Jared launched the Always Keep Fighting Campign. It became my refuge all over again.

Skip to 6 years later. I wanted a tattoo to reprecent my love. I thought about getting the anti possesion tattoo that the boys and many others have but it didnt feel right. Jen, the artist urged me to look at more refrence photos. Thats when I decided on getting the foliage from Dean and Sam's guns and the two words from that Kansas song that has become a character of its own on the show. I am not one for gun violence, no, the foliage is a reminder to keep fighting and killing my inner demons and the carry on, well its just for that, to keep carrying on. To keep living.

Tattoos are beautiful thing they can mean nothing or mean everything. At the end of the day no matter what they mean they are beautiful forms of self expression. They are a way of telling a story or express a love. Tattoos are reminders. Tattoos can make people more confiedent. Make them feel more beautiful. Make them feel happier. Tattoos are just wonderful pieces of art on already beautiful pieces of art, which is the human being themself.

So I cried in a tattoo shop when it was done. I cried for how it all hit me at once how much this show and its people truly mean to me. And how the characters and cast through their words and action taught me how to be something very important. A hero, a hero to myself.

humanity
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About the Creator

Catherine Agati

I just want to tell the truth, get a small laugh and make people think. and at some point convince the whole of the world that

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