My Binge-Worthy Guilty Pleasure

I’m a classics kind of gal. The more the story plays, the more I get intrigued. It doesn’t matter if I’ve seen it 100 times, I will still laugh at every moment as if it’s the first time. Sometimes I find myself sitting in front of my iPad (because who watches tv anymore?) and dozing off to too familiar episodes. One time I dreamt that I’d slipped into a scene and couldn’t get out! I ran around with the all too obnoxious characters as they taunted their neighbor with menacingly innocent vibes. Before I knew it, I was back in bed feeling like a kid again.

As a child, I used to curl up to the TV, because in the 90’s there were no such things as laptops to watch your shows on. All we had were those blocky laptops with a black screen and green lettering. Bleh, what a long way we’ve come. Our technology nowadays must look like The Jetsons compared to our 90’s versions of ourselves.

Anyway, I would hop my happy behind in front of the TV every day to see what new adventure they got into that day. And as an adult, I found myself executing the same behavior as if this show was anything but burned into my memory. As the theme song played its famous tune, I could never stop myself from grabbing my nose to play that famous flute noise we all hear before the bubbles cascade an overlay to the scene.

Where we are then presented with Bikini Bottom, a world full of fish that yell “my leg”, a sponge that exudes the power of a fry cook, a starfish that hasn’t grasped reality, a crab that bleeds green, and a squirrel that lives in a dome in the deep blue sea. Every episode is full of idiotic adventures that could only make sense to a talking sponge and starfish. I feel like this show was created by a bunch of guys in a room that wanted to create an educational show about the creatures in the ocean but gave up halfway because the comedic releases wouldn’t fly in a pre-k age group.

So, in an attempt to revive the pre-teens (ahem, and adults) that enjoy adult-ish humor disguised very well might I add, they created SpongeBob Squarepants.

Oh, you already guessed the show? You must be a fan as well, if you’re not then go away.

I find myself waking up in the morning and turning on SpongeBob Squarepants as a way to break into that little kid we all seem to hide from. Like, can’t adults enjoy television shows that aren’t made for them and normalize 29-year-olds eating cereal out of the box while dancing around in a onesie? Oh, too far?

How about decorating your entire wall with SpongeBob souvenirs because the Mall of America changed the theme park from Camp Snoopy to Nickelodeon Universe, and all you see are rides from your favorite characters. Who wouldn’t want to stop at the gift shop after a twisty turvy ride on the SpongeBob Squarepants Rock Bottom Plunge? While you scream for your life, you’re able to reminisce on the episode SpongeBob got stranded in Rock Bottom where he had to learn to speak a language that doused spit on any passerby, and the only way he got home was from a stranger tying a balloon to his wrist so he could float back to Bikini Bottom.

Are you really a fan if you’ve never tried the gummy Krabby Patties? Or tried to make one yourself? They rave so much about these patties that homemade trumped McDonald’s any day, that is until McDonald’s decided to promote the new SpongeBob movie that featured toys in kid’s meals. Which I may or may not have indulged in. Who’s to say?

I know that underwater creatures may seem like too far-fetched to be a guilty pleasure, but it is, I promise. I know because my mother still looks at me sideways when I reference real-life situations to an episode from the show. It can be difficult when your own family doesn’t recognize the genius behind talking sponges and near-death experiences that bring you to tears (yes I’m referring to the movie where SpongeBob and Patrick shriveled up). I mean don’t you want to scream “I’M A GOOFY GOOBER, YEAH” at the top of your lungs to strangers?

Ya know, I like you. You literally read my entire story about how childish of an adult I really am and you stuck it out to the end. You really must be a fan of SpongeBob.

Oh, you’re not?

Well that’s just too *dolphin squeak* bad.