Movie Review: 'The Machine'

The Machine (2023)

Directed by Peter Atencio

Written by Kevin Biegel, Scotty Landes

Starring Bert Kreischer, Mark Hamill, Iva Babic

Release Date May 26th, 2023

Published May 30th, 2023

The Machine is a labored but amusing extrapolation of comedian Bert Kreischer's most beloved routine. According to Kreischer, as a college student, he traveled to Russia on a school trip. While there, he found himself partying with the Russian mob, first at his dorm and then on an ill-fated train ride. The winding and wild party story eventually finds Kreischer being called 'The Machine' for his prodigious ability to put away high proof alcohol without passing out, and finds 'The Machine' being enlisted by the gangsters to help rob everyone on the train.

It's a classic piece of stand-up comedy but is it enough to stretch out to a feature length film? The answer is a bit of a mixed bag. The movie version of The Machine finds comedian Bert Kreischer, playing himself, struggling with his persona as a hard-partying, drug and alcohol imbibing comic and his real life as a husband and father of two young girls. Bert cannot seem to balance these two parts of his life and as we join the story, he's hit rock bottom.

After a drunken episode of his podcast, Bert had his 15 year old daughter, Sasha (Jessica Gabor), drive him home. When she gets pulled over by Police and is subsequently arrested, the drunken Kreischer decides to livestream the debacle on social media, doing grave harm to his already strained relationship with his oldest daughter. This rock bottom moment causes Bert to go into therapy and quit drinking and partying entirely. Unfortunately, Bert's past is about to come back and haunt him as a Russian gangster has finally seen his stand-up routine and wants revenge for something Bert doesn't remember doing.

Kidnapped during Sasha's 16th birthday party, Bert, along with his disapproving father, Albert (National Treasure Mark Hamill), is trundled off to Russia. Their kidnapper, Irina (Iva Babic), is the daughter of a Russian mobster and is at the heart of a struggle for control of crime in Russia. She needs The Machine to lead her to a watch that he stole while drunk on a train in college. Not the easiest thing to find, especially through the blurry haze of alcohol, drugs, and time. Nevertheless, if Bert and his dad cannot find the watch, a hitman is set to murder Bert's daughter.

That's the premise for The Machine and it sounds a lot funnier than it really is. Sadly, stretched thinly over a feature film, Kreischer's funny, lively, and irreverent story takes on a highly conventional narrative that features many repeated jokes and more than a little dead time as exposition and needed stakes are set up. In fairness, the conventional plot and the stakes set, are relatively well executed. It's a standard bit of movie comedy. But that's also a bit of a problem as audiences might expect more from a performer with Kreischer's reputation for energetic and off-color humor.

The film plays off his persona, The Machine, quite well but it takes a lot of establishing for non-fans to get on board and that time may not sit well with Kreischer fans who will be chomping at the bit for new material from their fave comedian. I'm not completely familiar with Kreischer's persona. I know he's cultivated a remarkable following for his stand-up and podcast efforts. He's loved by many fellow comedians which is a sign that he's really quite talented, comedians don't offer praise for one another publicly all that often.

Something about taking Kreischer's act and straining it to the conventions of a Hollywood movie doesn't completely work. Also not quite working is the chemistry free father-son relationship between Kreischer and Mark Hamill. I know that it must have been an honor to have Luke Skywalker play his dad, but Kreischer and his team needed to write a richer character for Hamill for this to work. As it is, the one joke premise character has Hamill simply insulting Kreischer in various different cranky-old-man one liners that fall flat pretty quickly. Kreischer and Hamill seem to have no connection as performers and their father-son dynamic feels desperately forced.

The Machine isn't a bad movie, it's just far too bland for a comic of Bert Kreischer's reputation and seeming talent. I expected more from The Machine based on Kreischer's reputation. Sadly, he was overshadowed in his own movie. My favorite performance in The Machine wasn't from The Machine but rather from newcomer Iva Babic as the gangster daughter. Babic is hilarious and gets a huge laugh from a reference to the television series Family Matters. It's the biggest laugh in the movie and Kreischer can be commended for giving his co-star the funniest line in his movie.

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