Movie Review Masters of the Universe 30 Years Later

The legendary John Waters once defined camp, on an episode of The Simpsons, as “The tragically ludicrous, the ludicrously tragic.” The 1987 movie Masters of the Universe pre-dates that definition of camp by more than a decade but nevertheless defines it perfectly. Masters of the Universe is a tragically ludicrous idea undermined by greed, hubris and the outright silly notion that just because something catches on with child audiences it can be translated to film in anything other than a pathetic attempt at pandering.

There are several famous Hollywood stories from the behind the scenes creation of Masters of the Universe but few capture the essence of this horrible idea for a movie in the way that this one does. One day, Dolph Lundgren’s Rocky 4 co-star Sylvester Stallone visited the set of Masters of the Universe and seeing his former co-star exchanging dialogue with co-star Courtney Cox, Stallone expressed his apoplexy by asking an executive on set “You gave that guy dialogue?”

Indeed, Dolph Lundgren is given dialogue and through his remarkably thick accent even the simple catchphrase “I HAVE THE POWER” comes off like The Simpsons' hilarious Schwarzenegger parody, Rainier Wolfcastle, attempting a similar line from that shows' movie within a show about the fake comic book hero Radioactive Man. Undoubtedly, The Simpsons writers must have been huge ironic fans of Masters of the Universe.

Masters of the Universe was a compromised product from its very conception but that could not be clearer to fans of He-Man than in the film’s first scenes. The very first thing that happens in Masters of the Universe is that the villain Skeletor (Frank Langella, poor, misguided Frank Langella), has accomplished his long-time cartoon goal of taking over the fictional planet of Eternia. Fans can be forgiven for being floored by this as the cartoon series had been built around the battle to protect Castle Greyskull and its universe conquering powers from Skeletor and he’s just accomplished his greatest goal off-screen.

That’s not to indicate that I am in fealty to the cartoon story. I may have been a fan of the series as a young boy, especially its muscle-bound toy brand, but I wasn’t exactly invested in the story. I mention this part of He-Man history only because it shines a light on the bankruptcy at the heart of the creation of Masters of the Universe. You see, rendering a sci-fi heavy battle for the planet of Eternia would have been costly and with the film in the hands of the legendary low budget film pirates at Cannon Films, such an investment was never coming.

Instead, we get the far sillier and downright embarrassing idea to introduce dimensional time travel into the story so that scenes could be filmed at a premium price on a back lot standing in for an unnamed American city. It also allowed the production to cover a little of Lundgren’s dialogue by introducing a pair of American teenagers, played by Courtney Cox and Robert Duncan McNeill, who could carry the plot forward and keep Lundgren’s dialogue to a minimum, though they kept the scene that surprised Sylvester Stallone during his set visit.

The sight of Frank Langella’s ludicrous villain Skeletor floating down an American city street on a futuristic plastic fan boat surrounded by failed Star Wars cosplayers is kitsch that stands the test of time. Langella’s over the top histrionics would have ended the career of a lesser actor but Langella is thankfully fully covered in terrible costumes from face to foot which likely aided his ability to escape the film unscathed.

Director Gary Goddard would also survive the failure of Masters of the Universe, though he’d never direct a feature film again. Goddard went on to create his own successful properties and make inroads on Broadway where he’d planned a massive 4D epic presentation that was shelved when he became briefly embroiled in the scandal surrounding his friend and fellow director Bryan Singer that was eventually dismissed by the courts in 2014.

Golan and Globus and their Cannon Films did not survive the failure of Masters of the Universe but the company was pretty much finished midway through filming MOTU. Per director Goddard, the chaotic shoot was plagued by Cannon’s money problems that led the crew to not be paid on time and refusing to work until they were and budget cuts that cost entire action set-pieces and sub plots forcing the eventually embarrassing compromises that comprise the finished movie.

For a glorious account of the failure of Masters of the Universe and the downfall of Golan and Globus, check out the remarkable documentary Electric Boogaloo: The Wild Untold Story of Cannon Films. That film contains many of the absurdities that led to the creation and eventual downfall of Masters of the Universe, a franchise that Cannon hoped would keep the company alive and give it a tentpole to replace their failure to reboot the Superman franchise with Superman 4.

The story behind the creation of Masters of the Universe is far more fascinating than anything that ended up on the screen, though that has its own ironic, kitsch heavy entertainment value. The WTF-factor of Masters of the Universe is off the charts and while history explains how it all ended up this way, it’s hard not to remain baffled that anyone thought this script, story, and production was going to be anything other than a horrific embarrassment for all involved.

The story of Masters of the Universe is laughable; the performances are amateurish and while director Goddard did yeoman’s work to make the film remotely coherent the production is an embarrassment that has lasted the past 30 years on camp value and the unique reputation of Cannon Films. The ludicrously tragic production of Masters of the Universe has and likely will haunt any future attempts to bring the He-Man universe to the big screen. It likely won’t stop Hollywood from trying again with this toy property but they could not have a better cautionary tale to give guidance to the next foolish dreamer who takes a swing at Masters of the Universe the movie.