Should you always piece things together?
Virgil didn't remember much about his father, Logan. He remembered they used to stargaze, and that he didn't show emotions much. He knew, after talking to some relatives, that he had a surrogate mother since Logan felt more comfortable with the thought of being a single father. He tried to reach out to Logan with the number to his cell phone, but he never responded, nor did Logan ever try to reach out to him, so he felt uncertain of whether Logan ever regretted being a parent. He tried to bring Logan up to some relatives just to see if his father ever regretted him, but everyone would just keep to themselves. Even his birth mother didn't want to bring him up. All he wanted to know was what he did to make Logan not want to talk to him anymore.
Virgil, eventually, did a search on his phone to look for someone who could help him look into his memory. After searching for longer than he'd like to admit, he was able to book an appointment with a nearby hypnotherapist for the following day. On the day of the appointment, Virgil felt nervous about the idea of searching through his memories. What if Logan wasn't a good person? What if he was abused and he blocked out memories of the abuse? What if his father reached out to him, begging for money for a multi-level marketing scheme? As he was starting to panic while thinking of the worst, he saw a figure that seemed familiar to him for some reason. The two of them made eye contact, and were both equally shocked.
"Yes, that's me. Have we met before?"
"Yes, I'm Dr. Picani. I was your therapist years ago."
"Did it have something to do with my father?"
Picani looked at Virgil with a somber expression before looking at his clipboard.
"You really don't remember, do you?"
"If I did, I wouldn't be here."
"Well, if you're sure you want to remember, I just want you to know there will be no turning back."
"I need to know what I did wrong."
Picani had Virgil sit back in the chair, and helped him concentrate on his memories. Virgil could see the rare moments in his youth where he and Logan were playing outside, and Logan would go back inside in the middle of a game. He figured that would explain why he didn't play with a lot of kids his age growing up, but then, he briefly noticed that his father had placed a hand on his chest, and taken a deep breath before he excused himself inside. It wasn't an isolated incident, either.
He saw his father doing paperwork, both of them sharing poetry, and even their nights stargazing. He didn't express emotions a lot, but he did make sure the nights were sentimental by pointing out "their" constellation, Orion, who could do such amazing things, and alway pointed out that Virgil had a lot of potential within him as well.
After more concentration, he saw an area in nature that he remembered was the last time he saw his father. Virgil was nine or ten, and was feeling uneasy about what could happen in the woods, and Logan reassured him with facts about nature to disprove his fears. He saw his father cling to his chest and take deep breaths before putting Virgil onto his shoulders for a better view of the path. Virgil was messing around with his purple, oversized jacket until the wind blew it off of him. Logan stopped and told Virgil to hold on as he ran after it. It was found hanging on a tree on the other side of a river, and Virgil was starting to panic. Logan told him to hang on to him and sing a song for their journey. As Logan was swimming across the rough river, Virgil sung to himself, "I walk down to the river where the troubles, they can't find me. Let the waters there remind me the sun will be there when we wake. I walk down to the river, though I might not understand it. It's not always as we planned it, but we grow stronger when we break. So, I walk down to the river. I walk down to the river," as he was closing his eyes. When he opened his eyes, Logan grabbed Virgil's jacket and quickly sat down. Virgil got off of Logan's shoulders, and Logan laid down on the ground. Virgil tried to call out and ask his father why he was taking a nap. A stranger passing by noticed the scene. The stranger made a phone call before he talked to Virgil.
Virgil opened his eyes and gasped as he remembered where he was. He looked at Picani with tears in his eyes and distress in his pores.
"You wouldn't stop asking about your father, so your family brought you to me hoping it would make things less traumatic. I guess it just left you with more questions than answers," Picani said with a somber expression.
Virgil thanked Picani and left while processing his childhood surroundings through adult eyes. He had no idea that Logan had a heart condition that he guessed was the reason he couldn't feel extreme emotions. He had no idea how hard Logan tried to be a good father to Virgil. Most importantly, he had no idea how much Logan loved him to choose retrieving Virgil's security item over keeping his own heart stable and beating.
About the author
I'm not the most sophisticated adult out there. I'm also not the best at communicating all the time, but I do try my best to get my thoughts out there into the world verbally or nonverbally.