I Binge Watched Twilight Like a TV Show and Here are My Thoughts

Before we begin, I have to say that I do not endorse Stephanie Meyer or her treatment of the Quileute tribe. Although better and more in-depth articles have been written about this topic, such as this one and this one, the basic summary is that Meyer appropriated real Quileute culture, bastardised it, and then profited from it heavily without giving a single cent to the Quileutes or even asking for permission. The film heavily relied on racist stereotypes about Indigenous people, such as aggression and abuse, and also heavily sexualised them throughout. BTW, the backlash here is not some 'woke 2020 hippies' making this a problem suddenly, but a problem that the Quileute tribe and others have been pointing out since the story's conception. If you want to support the tribe directly, check this link out.

Midnight Sun came out last year and despite avoiding the Twilight phenomenon for this long, my curiosity overcame me. I don't think it's possible to be on the internet sphere for as long as I have without having a rough understanding of the Twilight plotline, but good gods people, it is worse than the internet makes it sound. Here are my thoughts:

1. Why is everything blue??

I began watching Twilight right before this fantastic meme made it's way onto my social media. Now I know why everything is so blue, but that doesn't make it less of a pain to watch.

2. Edward...actually sparkles?

I thought that was a JOKE I didn't expect him to actually sparkle like that insta filter that influencers like to use. You know the one I'm talking about, the one that turns everything white into little sparkling diamonds. Is this where people got their filter ideas from??

3. Why does everyone look tortured??

Ok I've seen the memes about Edward looking like he wants to vomit when he meets Bella, but it looks so much worse in the film than it does in a meme. And they all look tortured. I mean at least they're all true-to-high-school levels of awkward, but come on, if interacting with your boyfriend means your face is always twisted in pain, maybe that's a sign to not date him? Just a thought, Bells.

4. Jacob, why are you always topless?

Also, when you were showing Charlie your phasing ability, why did you have to strip down to your boxers when you never had to before?? Jokes aside, this plays into the incredibly problematic trope of sexualising Indigenous people. In the vein of problematic stereotypes, whilst dreamcatchers have spread to other tribes, they originate with the Anishinaabe culture. Just all round problematic.

5. Wow, that last fight was a let down

I'm almost embarrassed to admit how invested I got in wanting to see the death of Aro. Alas, it was all a vision and there were no deaths, the creepy siblings with torture powers didn't die, it was all just a let down. I was promised an epic finale and I was expecting a Lord of the Rings battle. Heck, even a lesser Game of Thrones battle may have sufficed. An epic battle could've given the film SOME interesting point. Instead, it was all a vision. Pathetic.

6. This is a devastatingly poorly written story

Sure, there are plot points, but every action is driven to get to a specific plot point, e.g. Victoria's death or the wedding. The plot fails to drive the story, it just casually marks points. At pretty much every point past the first film, every moment is either in conflict or in preparation of conflict with little to no subplot or other explorations of the world. It's all carefully manipulated so that if you were to look a it to the left or right of the plot, all you would see is void.

Final Thoughts

I wish I just stuck to the memes. Every potentially interesting character (Charlie, literally any of the Cullens/any other vampire beside Edward, Leah and Seth, etc.) was rendered flat and 2D besides the occasional monologue about their history. The only way I got through it was to view it as a satire or comedy.

Also, I'm sorry but Team Jacob, 100%.