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How to Increase Your Wealth by $300 Million Hiring Adam Sandler

He used to be the seventh most overpaid actor in Hollywood with a return of only 520% but we can double it to at least 1040%

By Alejandro Guillú MendozaPublished 8 years ago 10 min read
Photo courtesy of Poster Boy

If you want to make at least $300 million in Hollywood producing several films starring Adam Sandler then you need to invest at least $29 million and sell at least $600 million in combined worldwide sales.

This is simply because you have to share half your profits with companies like Cinemark (NYSE: CNK), Regal Entertainment Group (NYSE: RGC), and AMC Theatres (NYSE: AMC)

In simpler terms, if you sell $600 million in tickets you only keep $300 million for yourself.

Therefore, if you want to generate a 1040% return on your $29 million investment then you need to sell at least $600 million globally.

Adam Sandler did sell more than $123 million with the film The Wedding Singer and more than $186 million with the film The Water Boy back in 1998.

Adam Sandler did sell more than $234 million with the film Big Daddy back in 1999 and more than $171 million with the film Mr. Deeds back in 2002.

Adam Sandler did sell more than $195 million with the film Anger Management back in 2003 but you could make the argument that three-time Academy Award winner Jack Nicholson, Academy Award winner Marisa Tomei, Academy Award nominee Woody Harrelson and Golden Globe nominee John Turturro were responsible for at least four-fifths of the global ticket sales.

I don't know how much money Sony (NYSE: SNE) paid to Casting Director Roger Mussenden for his hard work on this film but clearly, it was not enough.

If you want to make a financially successful film starring Adam Sandler then you have to hire this talented man regardless of the cost. Offer him a percentage of the profits if you must.

This film was made with only $75 million.

There is no need to spend $178 million in a Marvel and/or Adam Sandler film. You can please the crowds with only $58 million. If you are unsure about your budget just ask Tim Miller.

Adam Sandler did sell more than $196 million with the film 50 First Dates back in 2004 but you could make the argument that Academy Award nominee Dan Aykroyd was responsible for half the global ticket sales.

NOTE TO ADAM SANDLER: Share the financial risks and perhaps the massive profits with Dan Aykroyd. He has $135 million in the bank and he can afford to lose a few million betting on your next risky project.

He invested his own money in the new Ghostbusters film and lose a bit of cash despite the fact that the critics loved the film.

The film industry is a tough business.

Sometimes you invest $144 million in a critically acclaimed film like Ghostbusters (2016) and you still lose money and sometimes you invest barely $40 million in a (CENSORED) like Blended starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, another overpaid actress according to Forbes magazine and you somehow generate a massive profit.

I believe a comedy starring Adam Sandler for the married adults, Dan Aykroyd for the retired and a younger talented comedian like Kevin Hart or Amy Schumer for the singles could lure all sorts of demographic groups.

Adam Sandler did sell more than $190 million with the film the Longest yard back in 2005 but you could make the argument that Academy Award nominee Burt Reynolds and two-time Emmy nominee Tracy Morgan were responsible for two-thirds the global ticket sales.

Also D12, Nelly and Chris Rock may or may not have attracted a more urban audience.

If you want to play it safe and mitigate your financial risk then you should hire at least a couple of hip-hop artists for small roles like Macklemore and Iggy Azalea.

Everybody loves Chris.

If you take a closer look at every film ever made by Adam Sandler and Chris Rock then you will realize they are always massive financial hits. The only thing smarter than hiring Adam Sandler for four exclusive films like Netflix (NASDAQ: NFLX) already did is to hire Chris Rock for $40 million for two comedy specials which Netflix already did as well.

I don't know how much cash Reed Hastings makes each year but he is not getting enough money. The man deserves a raise. He seems to be making all the right moves at the right time for the right price.

Maybe he is simply a robot sent back in time by Skynet as part of a totally new evil master plan designed to kill the entire human race by starvation after all the farmers in the entire world forget at the same time to plant enough seeds at the right time because they have been too busy watching Black Mirror. Who knows?

Did you know the Queen of England could not afford to outbid Netflix in a fight for the streaming rights for the third season of Black Mirror and she reluctantly allowed them to bypass the traditional network broadcast window and let them go straight to streaming?

How do you win a battle against the Queen of England? Seriously, how do you that? I would like to know.

In the United Kingdom, most television channels are owned by the government, unlike the United States of America and other developed nations.

Black Mirror used to be broadcasted by Channel 4 in the United Kingdom.

Anyway, I am going off-topic again. Let's go back to Adam Sandler. Shall we?

If you are making a film with Adam Sandler then you must hire Chris Rock if he is available. It does not matter if you give him the role of a guy delivering a pizza and he only appears in a couple of scenes in the entire film. Pay him by the second if you must. Get him on the film somehow. I hate to sound like a broken record but you must offer him a percentage of the profits as well. Just like Tom Cruise and those new Mummy films.

Chris Rock is like a Marvel superhero and his power is he keeps your creditors happy at all times because you cannot lose money if you hire him for a comedy.

Top Five was financially successful. You know what? Just go ahead and offer Chris Rock a job as director in your new comedy starring Adam Sandler, Dan Aykroyd,Kevin Hart and/or Amy Schumer.

If you have not seen this film yet then you can stream it right now if you are an Amazon Prime subscriber.

Adam Sandler did sell more than $237 million with the film Click back in 2006 but you could make the argument that Academy Award winner Christopher Walker and Academy Award nominee Sean Astin were responsible for two-thirds of the global ticket sales.

Adam Sandler is now a global icon.

Once again, Adam Sandler and Dan Aykroyd are working together in the same film I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry in 2007 and they turn a modest investment of $85 million into more than $186 million. I wonder what would happen if somebody makes a film with Adam Sandler, Dan Aykroyd, and Chris Rock? They probably would sell more tickets than Avatar or at least they would sell half a billion dollars which are what the two Grown up films have generated so far.

It is likely a third film will be produced in 2019 with a budget of more than $120 million. Particularly if Jerry Seinfeld is added into the mix.

Adam Sandler, Jude Apatow, and Robert Smigel wrote Don't mess with the Zohan in 2008 and they turned $90 million into more than $200 million.

Adam Sandler is a very talented writer and one of his animated films could be nominated for an Academy Award for the Best Animated film in the near future.

If he partners with producer Michelle Murdocca again and he produces all the upcoming animated films from now on with the exception of the Hotel Transilvania franchise then he could be nominated for an Academy Award one day as the producer of the animated film.

I suggest to pull a Bumblebee Rogue One and copy a play from the Hasbro and Disney playbooks and release at least three new Hotel Transilvania films in 2019, 2020 and 2021.

Perhaps Hotel Sinaloa managed by the ghost of Pablo Escobar, Hotel Chicago managed by a zombie Al Capone and Hotel Mars managed by Hosni Mubarak who recently escaped from the LunarMax Security Prison and is starting a Martian revolution with a small army of criminals led by the great General Douglas Quaid, another criminal incarcerated for cheating on his wife.

Bedtime Stories 2 could work for the Walt Disney Company if they increase the budget to at least $105 million in order to pay for a lot more visual special effects and they could easily add a few Star Wars and Marvel characters into the fantastic stories just to mitigate the financial risk.

If they partner with AT&T (NYSE: T) they could share the massive profits and reduce the financial risk as well if Adam Sandler fights crime in Gotham dressed as the new Batman or if he is a scientist and he accidentally blows up Krypton or whatever.

AT&T needs to recover its $85 billion investment somehow. A parody of all those superhero films backed by Marvel and DC Comics could be a lot of fun for audiences everywhere.

Maybe Adam Sandler is married to Wonder Woman and he gets very angry after he finds Clark Kent in bed with his wife and he turns into a green monster and...

The possibilities are endless.

Here are some ideas for remakes, sequels, prequels and inbetweenquels starring Adam Sandler.

If you like at least one of my ideas and you know a decision-maker currently working in Hollywood then please share this article with him or her.

Maybe I will get lucky like the journalist John Carlin, the author of the article "Farewell to arms" originally published in Wired magazine and they will display my name on the big screen in a credit like this:

based upon the article "How to increase your wealth by $300 million hiring Adam Sandler" by...

Maybe I will get luckier and they will hire me to write a few pages of the screenplay like Anne Rice, the author of the book "Interview with a vampire"

Without any further delays, here it goes:

Paul Blart 24

Our favorite mall cop decides to step up his game and he decides to join the Police Academy. This film will be used to set in motion a totally new Police Academy franchise assuming the audience is open to the idea.

After graduation, he will be assigned to 24 Jump Street where our favorite regular cops have been promoted to homicide detectives and they are investigating the dead of a well-known hacker called Julian Assange played by himself from within the Ecuadorian Embassy in London using a tiny room filled with green screens who recently stole the secret identities of every undercover cop in town and they have no choice but to work with Paul Blart who is not yet in the computer system and his identity is still unknown.

Why make a crossover between two extremely popular franchises like the upcoming MIB 23 when we can make a crossover between three extremely popular franchises?

I realize Sony would have to work with its competitor AT&T, the current owners of the Police Academy franchise to make this film possible but at the end of the day 50% of a gazillion dollars is better than 100% of zero dollars.

Lethal Weapon 25

Retired Detectives Martin Riggs played by two-time Academy Award winner Mel Gibson and Roger Murtaugh played by four-time Emmy Award nominee Danny Glover discover a fraud within their respective retirement homes and the Police Department sends Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum disguised as female nurses Mrs. Doubfire and Tootsie respectively to crack the case. They will get caught by the CEO of the evil corporation running hundreds of retirement houses across the nation played by two-time Academy Award winner Kevin Spacey and officer Paul Blart and private investigator Thomas Magnum played by Logan Marshall-Green, Cassey Affleck or any other manly man that can really grow a mustache save our heroes and arrest the bad guys.

Nothing too complicated or too extremely expensive.

The Scotland Yard

Basically, we are going to tell the same story all over again but this time Adam Sandler is going to Acapulco, Cancún or any other beautiful beach in Mexico for yet another luxurious vacation and his family is going to be kidnapped and he will be forced to smuggle some guns from the United States of America into Mexico and he is going to get arrested by the Mexican authorities and this time they are going to play soccer. This film is going to be a box office bomb within the United States of America but it could be a huge financial success in THE REST OF THE ENTIRE WORLD.

I even have a director in mind for this film: The great Stephen Chow.

I also believe Wang Jianlin may see the commercial potential and he eventually may decide to become one of the executive producers of this film.

The Wedding Ringer 2

I imagine a poster with the title The Wedding Singer 2 but the S is vandalized and replaced with an R.

In other words, this is a sequel for both The Wedding Singer and The Wedding Ringer. Adam Sandler and Kevin Hart in the same film is a recipe for financial success. Particularly if Dwayne Johnson or Will Ferrell is getting married to Jon Hess or Steve Little.

For all those clueless readers out there incapable of differentiating real news from fake news here is a disclaimer from my bloodsucking lawyers at Baker & McKenzie:

This is a theoretical article written exclusively for your entertainment and you should not share it with anybody currently working for a newspaper or the modern-day equivalent of a newspaper.

I don't work for AT&T, the Walt Disney Company or anybody else remotely related to Adam Sandler.

I just like to pretend that I work for Darren Aronofsky, Martin Scorsese, Robert Rodríguez or any other Movie God.

I have a lot of free time on my hands and I daydream a lot.

Too bad you cannot actually make a living imagining distant worlds where an evil empire is building a massive weapon of mass destruction as big as a planet or where an alien is resetting the day each time one of his generals is killed.

Are social networks like Facebook (NASDAQ: FB) and Twitter (NASDAQ: TWTR) the new New York Times (NYSE: NYT) and the new Boston Globe (NYSE: NYT)? I certainly hope not.

Are you paying attention? Both respected newspapers belong to the same publicly-traded company. I guess freedom of speech, civil rights and our right to choose is merely an illusion.

What's that? Two burgers and a vanilla milkshake? Coming right up, Sir!

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About the Creator

Alejandro Guillú Mendoza

I have written for the largest and most popular websites in Australia, Japan, India and the United States of America including but not limited to (NASDAQ: TST), Seeking Alpha, Motley Fool, Insider Monkey and Startup Mindset.

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    Alejandro Guillú MendozaWritten by Alejandro Guillú Mendoza

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