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Hick Hottie

A single mom with a hobby farm and grossly huge and crooked teeth and struggles to make ends meet. She meets someone who takes a strong interest in her and realizes she needs to get her teeth fixed and fast but is challenged to do so in a legal manner.

By Christa Cusack O'NeillPublished 3 years ago 17 min read
2

LOGLINE

‘HICK HOTTIE’ is a comedy, rom-com, about a single mom, beautiful inside and out but with shockingly crooked teeth, she struggles to make ends meet. An interested and quirky businessman attends her goat yoga class at her hobby farm. Suddenly she obsesses over finding money and fast for required dental procedures to fix and correct her teeth but is challenged to do so in a legal manner.

SYNOPSIS

TAMMY is stunningly beautiful but with surprisingly monstrous and crooked teeth. She self-consciously hides her teeth by keeping her lips closed whenever possible. Tammy is determined to create a better path for herself and her two children, who also have an imperfect set of choppers. Tammy actively learns life through online how-to-videos. She also posts instructional videos on home repairs and has a following. She runs a small hobby farm with chickens, goats, and marijuana. To earn money, she sells calligraphy artwork and hosts goat yoga classes on her property every Friday and Saturday. Of course, people are constantly making fun of Tammy and her hideous teeth. GARY, a cute and quirky businessman with mommy and daddy issues, attends one of her goat yoga classes, and chemistry happens. Yes, even after seeing Tammy’s ridiculously ginormous crooked teeth. Tammy quickly becomes obsessed with her appearance and her horribly crooked teeth. She is faced with a new realization; continued loneliness or better herself to get better to obtain better, her wonderful new quirky businessman. With much self-doubt, she decides to get-er-done, and pursues the required dental procedures, and have the corrective procedure once and for all. Only now Tammy must discover ways to come up with the money and fast and in a legal manner. This is a hilarious story about two lonely people who are both messed up from parental narcissistic abuse, an unlikely story of two people connecting and falling in love.

TREATMENT

TAMMY (31) single, with crooked teeth, and two children (twins), SAM and SCOUT (6). They live on a hobby farm that provides an income that is mostly legal. Tammy is sometimes self-conscious about her appearance because of her crooked teeth, and she hopes to have them fixed someday.

Tammy has a following online from her funny home repair videos thanks to her retired neighbor DON (72), who works and assists around the house and shows her how to build and restore her property. Don is also Tammy’s mentor. Tammy’s hobby farm includes goats, chickens, produce, and marijuana. Tammy also has a knack for calligraphy art, and she runs yoga classes with goats on her farm. Tammy is always learning in her spare time to better herself. She reads self-help books and continuously views online how-to videos on just about everything. Her overwhelming curiosity is very prevalent in all that she does.

Tammy shuffles around some of her papers, and one artwork piece drops to the floor; it is her five-year plan. It reads, “Don’t wait for the right person to appear into your life. Make yourself the right person to walk into someone else’s life.” Don reads the piece out loud and questions her. He tells her he’s proud of how hard she works to better herself. Tammy realizes that there is no rush to chase and catch love; right now, she desires to be happy with herself and her own life first.

GARY (35) is single; he works in the family business with his mother, NANCY, and his father, CARL, both extreme narcissists. Gary’s mother is constantly meddling in his personal affairs. She thinks that women lust for him for his money and has made all of Gary’s relationships awkward; she does not desire to lose any family fortune to divorce. Nancy follows Gary like a hawk and constantly micro-manages his time and whereabouts and criticizes him daily. Gary’s Dad only makes fun of Gary and tells jokes about him to belittle him in front of his colleagues. Gary takes the abuse and jokes right back. He seems confident, but internally, he is definitely not. Deep down, he craves real authentic love.

Gary and his family are on a three-day family business trip. Each day there is an excursion. On Friday, Gary and his associate, DOUG (39), recently divorced and a good wingman by day and a wingnut by night, determined not to golf and opt-out for a different activity. Gary wishes to escape from his mean-spirited Dad, so Goat Yoga Therapy it is. Word of mouth has it; cannabis is optional with every session. Gary’s mom catches wind of the excursion and informs Gary she will be joining them.

CAROL (32), bipolar, Tammy’s best friend, also teaches goat yoga and has a soothing, seductive voice along with a very flexible body. Carol uses her flexibility to flirt with men. She also sings in a band with GORDIE (38), Tammy’s brother. Gordie also has wickedly crooked teeth, yet his physique is very manly, and his torso is very muscular, and he is very desirable with the local women.

Gary, Doug, and Nancy arrive at their excursion. They sign waiver forms. Gary and Doug smoke cannabis behind a shed while Gary’s mom is in the barn, then they all barge into the class a little late. Forty-five minutes later, their cheeks are hurting from laughter. They have stretched, posed with goats trampling on their backs, and they have smelled the fresh countryside air. Both Gary and Doug are very intrigued with Carol and also Tammy.

At the end of the class, Carol sexily murmurs, “Alright everyone, NAMASTE. You rock, I rock, and we rock tonight at G’s PUB.” She announces that her band gigs that night and a fantastic time will follow. Carol licks her lips and winks at Gary and Doug.

Nancy witnesses and examines Gary as he eyeballs the girls and is already prejudging the situation negatively. Gary spots Tammy running after the baby goats and likes what he sees. He positions himself closer to announce a hello, and when she smiles, his jaw drops over her ridiculously huge and crooked teeth. He thinks, “How could all of her features be so amazing, but those teeth are so bad?”

Gary and Doug meet up later at G’s Pub. Carol and Gordie’s band gigs every Friday night. Here Gary and Tammy connect. Gary likes Tammy; she is hilarious and seems so real, fun, and authentic. Tammy likes Gary; he is very quirky and cute, and she is intrigued with him. Jealousy forms in on Carol when she witnesses the noticeable connection between Tammy and Gary at G’s Pub. Carol becomes outraged, thinking about losing her best friend to Gary.

Tammy abruptly takes off due to sitter problems. Carol attempts to gain Gary’s attention with her seductive voice and flex skills, but he only questions Carol about Tammy.

Gary and Doug stay overnight at an AIRBNB. They return to goat yoga in the morning. It’s raining, and Gary steps in a bunch of goat poop and ruins his shoes.

There is some conflict with Carol; she has forgotten to take her bipolar meds, and she sees how well Tammy and Gary are getting along, and she now desperately craves Gary for herself. She ends up stealing all six of Tammy’s chickens, places them in the back of her car, and takes off. She drops them off behind the local KFC. Gordie follows Carol and sees her drop the chickens. He identifies each of them by name and gathers them up. Gordie is Tammy’s savior.

Tammy attempts to clean Gary’s shoes, but they still smell like goat poop, so Tammy insists that they go to the local dress-wear place to purchase new shoes. As Tammy is preparing herself for the shopping trip, Gary notices her family pictures and décor that suggest that Tammy is a sweet person from a loving family. Her place feels so cozy and welcoming to him. Gary tells Tammy he feels like he did when he was a child, that her house makes him feel special. Gary recollects childhood memories of love and affection from his grandmother, who was nothing but kind and compassionate, unlike his own mother.

Tammy and Gary hit it off and are of the same wavelength while shopping for shoes. Tammy sincerely compliments Gary. He feels her warmth and feels she is genuine and has an authentic soul. Gary is enjoying how much Tammy takes control as they befriend each other. He’s used to catering to his mother and others. Gary feels happy and thinks there might be a future here.

Nancy suspects something is up with Gary because he didn’t return home over the night. She calls CHERYL (36), Gary’s ex-girlfriend, to tell her where she thinks he is and what he’s up likely up to. She really enjoys stirring the pot and being mischievous.

While Tammy and Gary are roaming around town, Gary receives a call from Cheryl. Tammy spots a picture of Cheryl and her beautiful set of choppers on Gary’s phone as he answers. Gary quickly tells Cheryl, “Sorry, I’m busy. I’ll talk to you next week.” At the same time, Tammy overhears and begins to feel self-conscious. She weighs in on how she could keep a guy like Gary. She meets someone, and this messes up her plan. What? This isn’t in her plan. She decides to entertain and pursue this idea. She spends time with Gary and ends up liking him very much.

Tammy slowly and sadly glimpses into her compact and considers her unworthiness and how could she possibly keep this incredible man interested. She decides to pursue the dental procedure once and for all. Understanding the costs and time it takes, she wonders how fast she can make money to obtain her dental procedures. Tammy has two choices. She can either sell all of Gordie’s marijuana or enter the calligraphy contest for a cash prize, or both.

Tammy heads home and straight to the field to check on her brother’s crop. She ponders this idea and realizes she would be required to sell an entire bale of marijuana for her new teeth. Gordie catches her in the field. Tammy awkwardly dreams up excuses and realizes she cannot do the harvest; breaking the law and wrongdoing is against her moral code. She returns to the house, has a breakdown, and loses hope.

Suddenly Tammy remembers her high school buddy, DENNIS, who is a dentist. He always tells her he will award Tammy with a good deal to have her teeth fixed if she will have sex with him. This form of blackmail has been ongoing since he became a certified dental professional. Dennis has always yearned for Tammy. Tammy heavily weighs in on this drastic measure and thinks about it too, but she tosses the pillow over her head, exhausted. She falls asleep and has a nightmare about losing Gary.

Tammy wakes up realizing the calligraphy contest deadline is this coming Friday. She works fast and spends every spare moment over the next few days Face-Timing Gary while she works on her beautifully constructed calligraphy artwork. It is now late Thursday evening, and Tammy is very pleased with herself as she looks at her completed work.

Tammy Face-Times Gary. She raves about her work and feels really good about everything, and Gary congratulates her. All of a sudden, Cheryl sneaks in behind him and smiles with her perfect teeth. Nancy is heard hollering from the background. “Is Gary talking to that hillbilly again, Cheryl?” Tammy hears this and feels terribly hurt by it. Gary addresses with disgust and anger, “MOM?”

Tammy quickly shuts the computer off; she has never felt so ashamed and embarrassed before, and she is instantly heartbroken. She believes Gary must be back with Cheryl and thinks she isn’t good enough for him.

It is now Friday. Tammy hasn’t slept all night, and her day begins terribly. No coffee left, a sick child, and Carol shows up hung-over and late for yoga.

Cheryl secretly shows up for goat yoga class. Meticulously, she studies Tammy and muses over why Gary likes her, she scrunches up her nose, and she examines Tammy’s ridiculous-looking teeth.

Tammy quickly goes inside to organize her things for her trip to the contest. Cheryl follows Tammy inside. Cheryl apologizes for parading in on her and Gary’s conversation and tells Tammy that she is still interested in him and not to mess with him. Tammy shows disappointment with this mean act and is quietly in grief. She barely manages to keep it together as she accepts Cheryl’s statement. Tammy awkwardly and closely stares at Cheryl’s amazing teeth. Cheryl now mentions she is simply seeking bathroom facilities. She returns and sarcastically comments on Tammy’s artwork pieces and her teeth.

Tammy becomes defensive and tells Cheryl about the calligraphy contest and her dream of getting her teeth fixed to improve herself. Cheryl’s eyes brighten with envy and jealousy as she imagines Tammy with perfect teeth.

Cheryl secretly stares and spies while Tammy safely places her calligraphy artwork in the car's back seat in preparation for her trip to the contest.

Tammy cleans up after the second yoga class ceases. Meanwhile, Cheryl is highly threatened by Tammy and feels she will be too beautiful and one to be reckoned with if she were ever to get her teeth fixed, so she ransacks all of Tammy’s incredible artwork from her car.

Gordie witnesses this evil and immoral act. He follows Cheryl as she stops for gas. After, she goes inside to pay and buy snacks. Gordie unbuttons his shirt, stands by the cooler, and Cheryl notices his amazing torso and physique and is surprised over the intense attraction she has for Gordie. She feels herself getting wet with desire. He flirts with her. The two of them lock eyes, and they both smile and prowl beside each other on their way back to their vehicles.

Cheryl grips the steering wheel, and her jaw drops while viewing Gordie’s shirt blow in the wind and as he and his hot as heck torso are shown off while shining his truck windows. He checks his oil, and Cheryl moans. She mentions to herself that it is like a Magic Mike scene. Cheryl questions what it is about hot hillbillies and what the heck is happening to her at this very awkward and sexy moment. She becomes soaked with wetness witnessing this sexy, hillbilly man, Gordie, buffing his truck.

Tammy snaps up her bag and phone and bolts to her car to drive to enter the contest. Ten minutes down the highway, she answers a call from Nancy. Nancy rudely snarls at her, “Not very many men would take on a woman with kids. You know this, you realize this, right.” She is very unkind to her and tells Tammy it is unlikely to happen. Tammy is puzzled. How could a mother be so meddling, cruel, and unkind? She empathizes and feels terribly bad for Gary.

Tammy receives another call from her neighbor, Don. He tells her he fell from an accident and was rushed to the hospital. Tammy’s casual friend, ANGEL (35), a social worker, calls Tammy to tell her that someone just reported her to social services because her kids are always late for school and smell like the barn, and it must be child labor. Tammy continues her journey to the contest.

Tammy arrives in the city and springs out of her car. She checks the back seat. There is nothing. She panics. She is an hour away. The deadline is at two o’clock. She does not have enough time to go home and arrive back in time for contest entry. There literally is nothing she can do about the situation. All is lost.

On his way out of town, Gordie stops to deliver to Carol the stolen artwork so that she can drive the artwork to the contest for submission. Carol obliges. Winning back her best friend is her ultimate goal now. She feels terrible that she acted out and betrayed Tammy’s trust.

Tammy is late returning home, and her kids arrive home from school first and call 911. The police show up when Tammy returns. She apologizes and says she has never left them alone before. It was a mistake. The police tell her not to do it again. The hotel manager calls her and fires her from her part-time job. She has lost all hope. She feels she has no support, nobody to call. She decides to call her high school dentist friend, Dennis. She tells him that she accepts his proposition in return for her dental surgery. Dennis is delighted and excited and chants disgusting things to her. Tammy cringes and gags. Tammy has always been his dream girl. Dennis has always realized her potential with corrected teeth.

Tammy calls Gordie to tell him about her new all-time low and that she’s on her way to Dennis’ house. Gordie is in bed with Cheryl. Gordie instructs Tammy. He asks her not to do anything until he arrives. Gordie kisses Cheryl goodbye and takes off to meet Tammy to save her.

Gary is on the way to drop in on Tammy since she has not responded to any of his apologies via text, what’s App, and messenger. He is interrupted by a call from Cheryl. She is laughing at him and teasing him about his new girlfriend. He’s not happy. He hangs up the phone. Gary arrives at Tammy’s house, and she has begun to drown herself in sorrow after a horrible day. Gary asks her what is wrong, and they begin to quarrel about the evil, crazy women in his life.

Tammy ends up telling him her intentions with her dental procedures, problems, and insecurities and tells him about her planned dental surgery on Tuesday. Gary uncontrollably laughs at Tammy. She leers at him as if how dare he? Why is he laughing? Gary tells her, “Please sit here, meet me, and park your hiny beside me, and I wish to show you something!” She is confused; she hunkers down beside him on the bed. Tammy cradles in Gary's arms. He tells her he likes her just the way she is. She doesn’t believe him, but deep down, she really longs for this. She begins to cry out both in sadness and happiness. Gary pulls out a picture of himself before he had dental surgery. He reveals to Tammy a photo of himself as a kid with rather large oversized crooked teeth. He laughs as he tells her about his corrective dental procedures to rebuild his amazing smile.

Gary and Tammy are glued together and steamroll around on the bed. They laugh and kiss uncontrollably. Tammy creates funny jokes about Gary’s childhood photo.

Tammy confronts Gary’s mother and kills her with kindness and truth, even though she is still not happy about the situation. She calls Cheryl an asshole and has it out with her as well. Gary deserves better. She deals with Carol the same way she always does, forgives her and persuades her to take her medication every single day, and even threatens her by the skin of her monstrously huge teeth. The prudent mom at school receives a prank, as well, for calling social services; Tammy’s kids obviously had legitimate reasons for being late from school.

Tammy is busy in her kitchen and office space with her calligraphy artwork. She smiles with her lips closed while she happily perches beside her 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place prizes and her newly awarded art contract. She thanks and hugs Gordie and Carol, her best friend and her savior. Her adorable children assist her in hanging the prized artwork. Gary is there, staring at Tammy, her loving nature, and he is in awe over his new family and friends. Gary is so proud of Tammy, and he is over the moon to have found such a wonderful and authentic gal.

Tammy manages to keep her lips closed, and it is unidentifiable whether or not she has had any dental work completed.

In the final image opposite the opening image, Tammy and Gary are outside singing together and feeding the chickens with the kids. Gary sets up a cabbage swing for the chickens. The chickens go crazy attacking the cabbage. Everyone laughs.

Movie credits 1 – At Dennis’s office - Tammy is wide-eyed and settles in the dental office chair in preparation for dental work. Meanwhile, Gordie is threatening Dennis. Dennis agrees to perform the dental surgery pro bono as per Gordie’s request.

Movie credit 2 - At G’s Pub - Carol is on stage singing. Doug dances in front of the stage. He sweetly smiles at Carol. She sings directly to him as she reaches for his hand, sensing a high-speed hookup. Cheryl and Gordie perform salsa dances. Huddled at a table, Gary and Tammy squeeze each other’s hands. They share laughs and kisses and socialize back forth. Nancy and Carl are at the bar arguing, telling mean-spirited jokes as they prejudge and criticize everyone in the bar.

Movie credits, other.

PLEASE SEND A DONATION TO HELP WITH LEGAL FEES, CROWDFUNDING, AND EDUCATION ASSOCIATED WITH NARCISSISM AWARENESS. LIVING AND BREATHING AS AN EMPOWERED EMPATH.

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About the Creator

Christa Cusack O'Neill

CERTIFIED NARCISSISTIC TRAUMA-INFORMED COACH™ SCREENWRITER - Comedian - Award-winning - TQM Focused - Filmmaker - Mother's Point of View - Empowered Empath - Grew up on a hobby farm - Goats - Yoga - Dreamer - Cat & Heart & Water Lover

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