Gift of Malicious Compliance

Before I start, I would just like to give a disclaimer that I am not now nor have I ever been an expert in relationships, so feel free to comment what you would've done differently.

During my first relationship, I was doing my best to fit the needs of my boyfriend (who will be known as Ex for the duration of the story) even with my own limitations; I'm an aspie, I get tired from work, and we're not on the same level of excitement towards Sherlock, but I was still new and wanted to make things work between us. I always did my best to make sure Ex was well-respected and had plenty of care. Unfortunately, in retrospect, he didn't seem to be convinced that not everyone is skilled with expressing or understanding emotions.

Eventually, his birthday was around the corner, so I figured it would be a kind gesture to organize a surprise party with the involvement of his friends and family. Since I wanted to keep the party a surprise, I made excuses for certain calls and kept him from looking over my shoulder whenever I texted a friend or relative of his. The consistency of my actions caused him to have a "home meeting" even though we didn't live together. He accused me of having an affair under his nose and it led to me denying it which would lead to him demanding that I prove it and me avoiding explaining my behavior. I didn't know what exactly he was expecting when he said his next remark, but he demanded "No secrets from me! If you really aren't cheating, you wouldn't be keeping secrets from me!" The remark led to (according to a flashcard nearby) a "malicious compliance."

I told everyone involved that the party would still go on, but that it would no longer be a surprise party since Ex wouldn't take a surprise well. Along with that, once Ex's birthday arrived, I called him to let him know I would arrive at his house for breakfast and wished him "happy birthday." I went to his front door and was greeted by him in a somewhat casual outfit. Without saying a word, I handed Ex a custom itinerary of the day, which included the party at 6 PM and a breakup at 10 PM. I saw him look over the itinerary and he looked up at me with shock and gave me a nervous chuckle.

"Umm, alright, very funny. I get it, surely the rabbit hole can only get so deep," he tried to claim, I guess because he put two and two together.

We went to breakfast and I non-discreetly told the wait staff it was Ex's birthday and that a parfait and a song would suit him. As we were having breakfast, I noticed him look at the itinerary again with some emotions I could only interpret as guilt and minute anger. After breakfast, I made sure to do as much as humanly possible to make sure there were no secrets or surprises or anything unexpected headed Ex's way. Some people might consider me "petty," but I wanted to make sure my point wasn't something he could just brush off and potentially ignore in the future, especially since I've treated him with respect and care throughout the relationship to the best of my ability.

We made it to the party and nobody bothered to try to surprise him. The cake and food were revealed in advance and, as suggested by one of Ex's cousins, Ex would receive a gift and be told what his gift was before he'd even have the chance to rip the wrapping paper. Even for someone who couldn't easily identify emotions, it seemed pretty clear that he was enjoying the party, yet had something on his mind.

It was almost 10 PM and he kept looking at the itinerary and at his watch.

"Babe, um... you know you've proven your point, right? I didn't trust you when you didn't give me a reason not to and it costed me a surprise party," he tried again.

I pretended to think about it before I simply placed my hand on the doorknob.

"I have been nothing but respectful for you and tried shattering my bubbles of familiarity just to make you happy. I never considered being unfaithful to in any way. Until you can see the good I've done even with my faults, consider a pass back to single life your final birthday present for today," I told him before I left his place and drove home.

Initially, my plan was to give Ex at least a few days to go over his mistake and for me to go over other things I could've done before we'd work on some kind of agreement. However, I heard from a mutual friend of ours that Ex was seeing a woman behind my back without telling her he was bisexual (turned out, being accused of cheating randomly is a sign of being cheated on), so I changed "break" on the itinerary to "breakup." He never reached out to me again, but I still hear about his antics through the grapevine.