Friends, New Girl, & HIMYM

So the internet loves to dissect the personalities and flaws of TV and film characters all the time. We all know that it's one of my favorite things to do. One of the things that pops up on my social media a lot is the analysis of Friends and How I Met Your Mother so I thought I would throw my two cents in. I will be analyzing the similarities of these shows and their characters, how they are really all bad people and adding in New Girl because all three shows are self-contained around an ensemble cast who are all friends with rather incestuous relations. Now each of these shows has similar sets of characters that we will be analyzing from most to least awful.

First up Ross Gellar, Ted Mosby & Nick Miller

The Self Proclaimed “Nice Guy”

Now these men are aggressively codependent or so incapable of being a functioning adult that they simply can’t survive outside of a relationship. Ross and Ted date women like it's a sporting event that they're trying to win. Never are they truly single, there’s no point where they step back and ask themselves if they are the problem (they are), and even with someone far too good for them they find a reason to dump them. I know the internet is in love with Nick Miller but the reality is that he was a grown adult who couldn’t cook or clean for himself and nor could he function as a normal grown human being without someone reminding him to do basic functions like he’s a toddler.

We are going to go through each of these men’s major relationships as examples. Ross and Julie, well first off he cheated on her, with Rachel. Now I will admit for most of their relationship he really tried, he finally had his mind off of Rachel and was fully present with Julie…until he found out Rachel had feelings for him. Then he made a stupid decision, and left Julie for Rachel. It ended badly but the relationship itself was good. However the cheating gives him his first bad person mark.

Ted and Robin (round 1 I guess), so I have many problems with their relationship, storyline and existence from both sides but at the beginning the whole pursuing someone who doesn’t want the same things as you is super weird. More specifically Ted has this checklist of things he wants in his “ideal woman” and it's all “not like other girls” kind of things. 1) She has to like dogs (oh so you mean most of the population mkay), 2) Can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters (Seriously? Everyone their age has seen that movie, this is obscenely stupid) 3) Doesn’t like olives (cute in theory because of his reasoning but also super dumb) 4) We find out later that his dream woman play bass because women don’t play instruments apparently, it's too much for our womanly brains. Having an ideal list of shared values is one thing, but hobbies and interests? Weird my dude, he purposely wants a woman who isn’t her own person and fits a made up fantasy in his brain, that’s super creepy.

Nick Miller and Caroline, so most of what we know about their relationship is a slow burn because we don’t see very much of it, however we know that Nick kind of checks out. He simply stops putting in effort and considering how he lives when he’s single that’s not only believable but would be infuriating. No one who fantasizes about Nick Miller wants to be with someone who lives in filth. No one wants to be with someone who would make you do 100% of the housework while contributing a bartender's salary…he quite literally brings nothing to the table, the writing in that show is just so good they’ve convinced you that you would love a relationship with him…you wouldn’t.

Ross and Rachel, iconic, ever present in popular culture and truly toxic. Now we will get to it in a separate section but Rachel was also terrible in their relationship, but let's focus on Ross for now. Ross was jealous and possessive and very rarely did he communicate in a healthy manner, and when he did it had to be pulled out of him. Let's cut to the worst thing he ever did, not telling Rachel that he didn’t get the annulment. This was super creepy and manipulative and I still don’t really understand the thought process; like he thought she would magically fall in love with him again and everything would be fine? But did he really think she wouldn’t be shocked and angry? It was truly a very upsetting and disturbing storyline. Bad person mark number 2.

Ted and Victoria; This one upsets me because I really loved Victoria but she was way too good for him. So first of all they decide to try long distance and she takes the time and effort to send him care packages and let him know that she’s thinking about him. He can’t be bothered to do the same, and then he asks Robin (His Ex-Girlfriend) for help on what to put in it because apparently he doesn’t know his own girlfriend well enough to put together a box of shit she might like. And then he cheats on her with Robin, after he lies to Robin and tells her that they broke up. Bad person mark number 1.

Nick and Jess; most of their fights were about how he couldn’t function as an adult and that is also what ended up breaking them up the first time. I’ve said it once, I will say it 1000 times, he doesn’t bring anything to the table. Nick and Jess’ wedding is so so overdue. His unwillingness to commit to her is disappointing and confusing. You can’t claim to love someone, know what they want and completely ignore it because you don’t feel like it. I enjoy his character too but he’s irresponsible and he is the situationship guy with his mattress on the floor that we have all dated and hated ourselves for. He is however the only one of these men that isn’t necessarily a bad person, he’s just not the guy you should want to spend your life with. He’s a waste of time.

Ross and Emily; This relationship happened so fast which really speaks to Ross’ codependency. Again not a bad relationship until the end, when he says another woman’s name at the altar…now I do blame Rachel more for this but still. His inability to profess his love to the woman standing in front of him is ridiculous and stupid. He does immediately go into apology mode and does whatever he needs to to get her back but it shouldn’t have been an issue in the first place. Now Emily also holds blame for their actual divorce because she said I Do anyway…like that was your out and everyone there would have fully understood but you chose to marry him anyway…weird reaction.

Ted and Stella; Now this is one that goes back and forth. He completely love bombs her without actually knowing her. Not knowing her favorite color or what she likes to do reiterates the fact that he doesn’t actually want a woman who acts like her own person, he wants an empty shell that he can mold into what he wants. This is further supported by the fact that it didn’t even occur to him that when they talked about moving in that he would have to go to her. Like he truly thought that she was just going to uproot her child and give up her actual house to live in an apartment? Stupid, selfish and ridiculous. Bad person mark 2. She left him at the altar for her ex-husband but like I really don’t blame her.

Ross and Mona; So I really shouldn’t have to go into detail here this whole relationship was a hot mess. Exchanging keys and then changing the locks, not telling her that he got Rachel pregnant or that she moved in with him, simply refusing to articulate his feelings about their relationship, fully forgetting about her when he needs to go be with Rachel…all bad, not a single good moment in sight. Bad person marks all of the place.

Ted and Zoey; So the entire basis of their relationship was them on opposite sides of a debate. I’m so sorry but you can not fundamentally disagree with someone and be in a relationship. If your core values are not the same then you are screwed, period, there is no way for that to work. Not to mention that when their flirtation started, she was married. If you knowingly flirt, or hit on a married person you suck. You are the epitome of trash. Bad person mark 3.

Ross and Elizabeth; She was his student and not old enough to drink legally…that's all I need to say really. Bad person mark 3.

Ted and all the others; The girl he broke up with on her birthday (twice), The girl he called Blah Blah because he couldn’t remember her name, The sexy pumpkin, all girls he treated like complete shit because he couldn’t be bothered to care about anyone but himself.

So really all Nick Miller is guilty of is not being capable of being a functional adult, he's a useless frat boy. Ross Geller is a cheater who is codependent and manipulative. And Ted Mosby is a narcissist who deserved to die alone but the writers felt the need to fulfill his creepy ass specific fantasies.