"Fake It Till You Make It"

"Inventing Anna" on Netflix (see my detailed review here), all the documentaries and movies on "Theranos" on various platforms (see a guide here) and now "WeCrashed" on Apple TV. What do they all have in common? - They are about people with breathtaking chutzpah.

The central characters in these dramas are living breathing manifestations of "fake it till you make it" attitude. Some of them are less sociopathic than the others but ultimately they all are narcissistic sociopaths obsessed with their own grandeur. They believe in their special "mission" for the whole world: "make the world more beautiful" in case of Anna Sorokin-Delvey, "make the world healthier" for Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos, and "elevate the world's consciousness" (what does that even mean, in the practical sense of the phrase?) with the Neumanns of WeWork. It's as if every one of them found their own niche to fleece investors and milk human gullibility and gawkiness.

The narcissistic conman playbook is relatively simple: Numb your marks with confidence and promise of something so grand and dreamy that they will believe it, charm them with your projected sincerity, empathy and care, and take them for everything they can offer of value to you (talent, money, loyalty, connections, etc.). Fake it till you make it, and every conman knows what strings of human souls to play and fine-tune to get the results they need.

"WeCrashed" is unique because it has an additional layer of a love story of two narcissists who found each other: Adam Neumann and his wife Rebekah. They are perfect for each other as they have similar dreams and can channel their narcissism outward, at the whole world, rather than consuming each other. "You are my supernova," she keeps telling him. "You are my love and light, without you I'm nothing," he responds, but then when she challenges him to recognize her contribution he immediately turns around and says that she had done nothing for the company they created together and it was all just him, by himself, all along. They of course make up later and continue taking on the world, even after Adam was kicked out as the CEO of his company, leaving wrecked lives and crashed dreams and hopes of his employees in his wake, but making out with over $2 billion. Living large as if nothing happened.

After a major crash and burn, narcissists always hope for a big comeback, even sitting in deportation jail (Anna Sorokin-Delvey was just granted a stay of deportation in March 2022), or getting a delayed sentencing thanks to pregnancy in case of Elizabeth Holmes, or waiting out the delayed IPO of WeWork and starting another "consciousness-elevating" community venture in case of Adam Neumann.

I have observed and dealt with several narcissists in my life. Even though the narcissistic communication toolbox presents a large range of tricks and techniques, they all come down to manipulating perceptions and bending the will of their marks. I have to admit that watching these shows gives me certain satisfaction as it allows me to observe and analyze these tricks with a detachment of a communication expert. I have listed a lot of them in my Inventing Anna review, but I'm always excited to find new ones.

WeCrashed gave me something new. Adam Neumann is a slightly different narcissist, the one who cracked the empathy code better than anyone else. He is so sincere and contageous in his beliefs that he probably believed himself in what he was claiming. The "mandarin" scene at the end of the show was illustrative of this behavior, and for me it was quite rewarding to see that it was a couple of "mandarins" (i.e. real business and financial experts) who cracked and ultimately exposed him. Also, most narcissists deflate when they see that their charm is not working on their mark anymore, and that's exactly what happened in Adam's relationship with his investor Masa.

Another gift of the WeCrashed show: I wanted to see how accurate Jared Leto was in portraying the real Adam and watched a couple of interviews with him to observe his mannerisms and accent. Kudos to Leto, he got the real Adam to perfection. I also got a little bonus from one of the most recent real interviews where Adam masterfully demonstrates one of the newer manipulation techniques disguised as empathetic communication. I suspect Adam learned it from some improv classes as it comes down to the formula, "Yes, I understand what you/they say and how you/they feel, and... [insert an explanation that will turn everything inside out or upside down]." I'd call this technique "Agree and punch back" because while the narcissist is agreeing with some of the interviewers' or challengers' statements and they are disarmed by the narcissist agreeableness, praising themselves for getting him to admit something, the manipulator is punching back his point with new force. It really is marvelous to watch because both sides feel as if they've won and are quite pleased with themselves.

What all these shows are good for, is this main lesson: "Observe the narcissists, watch them in action to learn. Don't fall prey to their tricks." Please don't watch them to admire the narcissists, adding to our (and media's) obcession with them that still allows them to mark and take the society with their chutzpah.