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Dwight's Top 10 Quotes

Lines That Have Made Us Love Our Assistant to the Regional Manager Even More

By Grace GuzmanPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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As Dunder Mifflin fans, we often come across the most memorable quotes from Michael Scott, but there aren't enough for Dwight K. Schrute. Here's 10 that have probably made us laugh at least more than once.

Number 10 - "And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guard in the eye with a jumbo chalk."

Episode 10 of season 4; Michael and Dwight are planning to pull a prank on Utica's branch for trying to take Stanley the Manly, and Dwight is attempting to figure out the best way to escape if caught.

Number 9 - "There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague."

Season 3, episode 15; At Phyllis' wedding, Dwight shares an observation with Jim about overpopulation. He'd probably get along with Thanos.

Number 8 - "Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's."

Season 5, episode 16; I gotta admit that this whole scene with Dwight and Jim planning Kelly's party is just hilarious, but with Dwight bringing up a tidbit about how he absorbed his twin brother's fetus makes this line an original.

Number 7 - "I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights."

Season 8, episode 13; After finding out Jim served lied about the whole week he served jury duty, he decides that he should take action his way.

Number 6 - "R" is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it murder, not 'mukduk."

Season 6, episode 6; the Mafia episode is personally one of my favorite episodes, but considering that I watched this with someone who doesn't really like the Office and laughed at this scene, I can confidently say its one of Dwight's best lines.

Number 5 - "Aw man. Am I a woman?"

Season 1, episode 2; Though season 1 was a bit dry, Diversity Day was one of the funniest episodes. I admit that if I were Pam, I'd find it sexist to be told that as woman I can't drive, but hey, its Dwight.

Number 4 - "Everyone follow me to the shelter. We've got enough food for 14 days. After that we have a difficult conversation."

Season 7, episode 8; Of course Dwight would be prepared for what happens when they run out of resources.

Number 3 - "You can't fire me, I don't work in this van."

Season 2, episode 12; This has been my favorite episode for so many reasons. Number one is the Pam and Dwight's friendship, obviously, number 2 is Michael's ingenious idea of waking up to the smell of bacon, and number 3 is the whole van scene with this quote being the best line that came out of it.

Number 2 - "Thank you I'm so proud of them. I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my vagina."

Season 9, episode 7; I know that not everyone is a fan after Michael leaves or Nellie, but this whole scene with the ladies of Dunder Mifflin teaching Dwight how to talk to women in a less offensive way is a definite 10 out of 10.

Number 1 - "Today, smoking is going to save lives."

Season 5, episode 14; Yes, I know there is a whole list of funnier quotes that the Assistant Regional Manager said, but this is number one for reason only, and that is because of how ironically perfect it fits with everything that revolves around Dwight. Plus, it is the Stress Relief episode; you can rewatch it over and over again and you will never get over Stanley being attacked by his own heart.

Whether you agree or not, hope they made you smile a bit. More 'The Office' related content coming soon!

comedy
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About the Creator

Grace Guzman

I write about what I like, poetry and my Top Tens.

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