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Breakdown Hallmark’s Framed For Murder: A Fixer Upper Mystery

Hallspark and Spirits breaks down Framed Form Murder: A Fixer Upper Mystery

By The Green ShoesPublished about a year ago 10 min read
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“Shannon Hammer, owner of Hammer Construction Company, is an expert in Victorian home restoration. Through her renovations she will find clues to uncover a house’s secret past and in turn become an unlikely sleuth.” – Hallmark’s words, not mine.

Starring: Jewel Kilcher, Colin Ferguson, and Laura Soltis

What the Heck is Happening Here?

I mean… her name is Hammer and she fixes things. Do I need another reason to watch this movie?

Disclaimer: Hallmark’s description of this movie is not even close to what’s actually happening in this movie. And her name isn’t even Hammer. It’s Hughes… Just sayin… You’ll get to watch me melt down as I find this out. Sorrynotsorry

I’m armed with a Disaronno — fancy — on the rocks and I’m ready to watch. Let’s do this.

Murder the Boat

I tried for a play on Murder She Wrote and I know it didn’t work but I’m leaving it in because… reasons. If Hallmark can have Murder She Baked, I can have Murder the Boat.

The point… Right… We’re watching a movie. I’m focusing, I swear.

We’re at the dock because this is Hallsparkville and there will always be boats. A shady character plants a bomb on a boat and the next morning some dude takes the boat out onto the water and KA-BLOOEY!

Eek.

Lighthouse Cove

This is where we get to meet Miss Hammer… in heels and a dress… installing a chandelier… Yep… Just in time for the grand opening of a Bed and Breakfast.

Shannon is done with men. Go you, sista, but you live in Hallsparkville. I hate to break it to ya, but you’re about to meet your man.

And her name is Hughes BTW… Not Hammer… I’m mad…

Jenny is the owner of the Bed and Breakfast. She’s got a fun uncle who has tons of stories to tell about his treasure hunting days. Heh… Uncle Jesse… Full House…

Hughes Restoration

Yeah… What the hallspark, Hallmark? Hammer Construction is not Hughes Restoration. And Shannon Hughes is not Shannon Hammer. I have been LIED TO!

It’s all lies!

I need a refill already…

I’m committed and I’m going to finish this movie because Pretty Man just came in and I am a big fan. I’m doing this for you, Colin.

Colin is Mac Sullivan, an investigative reporter slash author.

He just moved to town, bought an old mansion that needs a bunch of work, and wants to hire Shannon. Although he thought he was looking for a dude at first and she gave him a hard time. Meany head.

The Cul De Sac from Hell

Apparently everyone lives on top of each other in this section of Hallsparkville. Uncle Jesse and Jen live across the street, Ned and Steve live next door, and I think Shannon’s dad lives on the other side of her or something. Small town… ha…

Oh, no! Uncle Jesse was attacked!

CATIO

The next day, we meet back up with Mac and Shannon. Mac got a flat tire and she pulls over to change it for him. Breaking those gender stereotypes. Proud of you, Hallmark.

Shannon was on her way to finish a catio… a patio for a cat… and we never get to see it and that’s probably the biggest disappointment of this whole movie!

Shannon is the one that finds Uncle Jesse dead in his house.

The cops come and they say it was a slip and fall accident, but Shannon’s not buying it.

It’s Preacher from Virgin River! The chief of Hallsparkville is Preacher! I love him!! I know you live in Hallsparkville, so you’re not gonna be able to do your job, but I forgive you because you’re Preacher.

The Guest House

Shannon goes to meet Mac at his house to see what needs to be done, but she realizes it was a mistake. It was too soon and she’s still too upset. Mac is super understanding and it’s adorable.

Still swearing off men, Shannon? Huh? Huh?

He wants to stay in the house during the renovations, but Shannon says he’s not allowed to inhale lead paint… Rude… so she offers him her guest house. Fiiiiine.

Ooooo Angry Man is staring them down from his POS blue car while Jen, Shannon, and Uncle Jesse’s girlfriend — Althea — look for Jesse’s will. Fishy, fishy.

Mac sees him too, but he drives away super fast.

But then the window of Althea’s car gets smashed and Angry Man steals her bag.

Hang On Sleuthy

Shannon sees a flashlight in Uncle Jesse’s house and runs over to investigate. On the way there, Mac almost hits her with his car. Oops. But they go investigate anyway.

I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that’s a TERRIBLE idea.

Angry Man gets away though.

The police STILL aren’t willing to accept that Uncle Jesse was murdered. Come on, Preacher! I mean… Chief… you’re better than this!

“I paid a huge price waiting for the police to take action. Never again.” – Shannon. Whoa. That’s a big statement. What’s that about?

Maritime Museum

This is where Jesse’s treasures are on display from all the adventures he and Ned had together.

Jesse had been saying that he had something big coming, but it had been over a year and nothing yet, so the curator of the museum is skeptical but loves Jesse regardless.

Shannon spots Angry Man leaving the museum in a hurry, shoving something under his jacket. Hmm…

The autopsy of Uncle Jesse still says that it was an accident, but Shannon says, No way, Jose! Shannon and Mac are going to find out who killed Jesse without the police.

Welcome to Hallsparkville, Shannon and Mac. It’s great to have you here.

Uncle Jesse’s Funeral

Shannon can sing and play the guitar and it’s beautiful. No notes.

They all gather at the museum afterward. Mac sees that Steve looks super distracted and Ned also seems to be acting suspish. Shannon doesn’t want to believe that they could be the murderers, but Mac is the outsider. He’s more objective. I’d listen to him.

Mac brings up the matter of the will and watches everyone’s reactions to the prospect that Uncle Jesse might donate everything to the museum. It’s interesting.

Everything that Ned and Jesse found in the San Mateo wreckage is accounted for, so Angry Man didn’t steal anything. Weird. I saw him stuff something under his jacket.

Back at home, Shannon tries talking to Ned, but he shuts her out. Now Mac thinks that she could be in danger. So, he stays on her couch. Aww! Cute!

Security Shannon

Shannon installs security cameras so that she can keep an eye on Uncle Jesse’s house. And Mac adorably takes a sec to admire Shannon. So friggin cute. I can’t stand it!

But then Steve sees her and Mac rushes out to make sure she’s okay. Steve is suspish, but not enough. Sorry. I’m not sold. I don’t think he’s got anything to do with this.

Mac and Shannon share an adorably awkward moment and I’m here for all of it. He is handsome, Shannon. I agree.

Princess Sophia

Okay… I’m dying. I’m officially crying into my Disaronno. Have you seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?! Do you know what Princess Sophia is?! If you don’t know, you need to stop reading and watch How to Lose a Guy and then come back so you can giggle uncontrollably with me.

“Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?” I’m laughing so hard right now! I’m sorry. I’m done. I swear. Omg. I can’t breathe…

Where the heck are we?

Oh! Necklace. Necklace. Got it. We’re back. We’re focusing.

Uncle Jesse found the necklace but it wasn’t in the museum. Apparently there was some controversy surrounding its provenance so he had to hold onto it until the lawyers could clear it up.

Andrew Gosin

Mac and Shannon go visit the attorney’s office and find a picture of the Angry Man who has been stalking everyone. His name is Andrew Gosin.

But he’s dead… He and the boss were out on the boat and they were killed in that explosion from the beginning.

But I thought the boss was alone on that boat? I’m confused… And Andrew isn’t dead anyway… This is weird. I’m lost. I know… you’re surprised too. I usually have my own wild theories by now.

I know it’s not Angry Man because he’s too suspish, but I literally have no clue who it could actually be. Not with Princess Sophia taking up space in my very limited and very alcoholically impaired brain…

Sorry. I promise, I’ll let it go. But probably not.

Who Done It?

The working theory is that this Andrew dude — aka Angry Man — killed his boss and Uncle Jesse to get at the necklace.

And Steven knows about the necklace! Oh! Okay! It’s worth a hefty $10 million and Steven could really use it since he quit his job to become a chef.

It’s still not you, Steve. I’m not convinced. But it’s not Angry Man either. Hallsparkville wouldn’t have made him so effing suspish if he was guilty.

Hit-And-Run

Mac is staking out the motel that Angry Man is staying in when a silver car pulls up, dumps Angry Man out of the car, and peels out of the lot.

Bye, bye Angry Man.

But Mac recognizes the car. It’s Steve’s!

The next morning, the police show up at Steve’s house to arrest him for the murder of Angry Man. Andrew. His name is Andrew.

HALLSPARKVILLE HAS GONE SERIAL

You heard me! And I hear me too… I realize how excited I am that Hallsparkville has a serial killer amongst them…

I was SO convinced that they’d always stop at two! My mind is blown now. I can’t believe this!

Focus, guys! Geeze!

Steve isn’t home. The cops can’t find him. Eek.

Shannon tells Althea and Jen to leave town because she doesn’t think they’re safe in Hallsparkville and hunny, you’re right. There’s a serial killer in your midst.

STEVE NO!

Steve broke into Shannon’s house to ask her for help. He had nothing to do with the hit and run. In fact, someone stole his car and he was going to report it to the police, but they showed up to arrest him so he panicked and ran.

See. It’s not you, Steve. I never doubted you.

Shannon has the security camera footage that will exonerate Steve, but it’s not clear enough and the cops aren’t entirely convinced.

Oh, now you’re skeptical? Really? Excuse me while I go roll my eyes.

Ransom Call

Shannon receives a ransom call informing her that they have Althea and Jen and they want the necklace.

Mac and Shannon search Uncle Jesse’s house for the necklace.

Shannon reveals to Mac that the reason she can’t wait for the police is because her mom died in a car accident while she waited for the 24 hours after her mom went missing and by the time they found her it was too late. That’s so stinking sad! Poor Shannon.

You go get your serial killer, girl.

They finally find the necklace hidden in a cupboard but there’s a note.

The law firm denied the clearance of the Princess Sophia… heh… necklace… haha… Sorry. Sorry. I’m good. I’m good.

The point is that the necklace can’t be sold. And the letter is signed, Andrea Fleming, assistant to whoever the owner was. I can’t remember his name and it’s far too late to go back. Duarte or Dualt or something like that. The dude that got blown up at the beginning. That guy. The assistant to that guy.

W…T…Eff Words

Althea is Andrea! Althea is the assistant! She’s been lying to everyone this entire time!

And it’s the last five minutes, so it’s time for an info dump.

Are you ready?

Ready?

Deep breaths…

Aaaannnndddd

Here we go:

Althea is the murderer. She did everything to get at Princess Sophia’s necklace.

But she’s still got Jen somewhere.

And even though she is now officially a serial killer, she won’t kill Shannon or Jen because Shannon’s the main character and Jen has to be saved by Shannon and/or Mac to put a big red shiny bow on this whole saga.

Andrea/Althea pulls a gun on Shannon and launches into a really long monologue, confessing to the whole thing, all three serial killing murders, all because she wanted the $10 million necklace and she doesn’t believe that sharing is caring.

Shannon uses her construction smarts and makes Andrea fall through the dock and hurt herself. Mac shows up just in time to snatch the gun from her, saving the day… ish.

Andrea refuses to give up Jen’s location, but Shannon doesn’t need that serial killer. She knows where Jen is.

They save her. The police get all the credit. The necklace goes on display in the museum. And they all live happily ever after in Hallsparkville.

Well, except for Andrea because she’s a serial killer without Princess Sophia.

I need another drink…

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About the Creator

The Green Shoes

Writer of words I hope to someday share with the world. Transcriber of words other people say.

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