Baywatch Rolls With the Tides Without a Wipeout (Spoiler-Free Review)

We all remember the male and female lifeguards jogging in slow-mo from the beach, clad in trunks and bathing suits with supermodel physiques. This is a classic intro from the late 80s-early 00s tv series Baywatch. The image has been branded in our brains as both an often parodied superficial joke and 90s nostalgia. Personally, the tv series was never appealing enough to get through full episodes or even remember the characters' names. The only things that rang clear were the tv series' intro accompanied by Jimi Jamison's rock theme song, "I'll be Ready." That, plus the soap opera acting and the fact they lived in a world where every 20 and 30 something had ideally "perfect" beach bods. Maybe some unfamiliarity was for the best though, as Baywatch the movie offered a refreshing, comedic approach to the soap opera-like series of the late 80s and beyond. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson plays Mitch, well known captain of the Baywatch lifeguards. He's a smart-mouthed hot shot hero, well respected among staff and beach goers alike and is king of his sand castle. Things shake up a bit when he is met with a new kid on the block, Matt Brody (Zac Afron), a witty bad boy with an award winning swimmer background who enlists with his team to train as a lifeguard. Mitch and Matt form an instant dysfunctional relationship of trading humorous nickname insults while co-working that (like it or not) keeps them dependent on each other for the remainder of the film.With a movie called Baywatch, of course there are panned shots of attractive beach goers either laid out, standing and mingling, or surfing the waves. And of course they pay a parody homage to the slow-mo jogging in bathing suits from the series. What's cool about this reboot is the fact that we see a lot more realism in diversity; not only in ethnicity as one might expect in 2017, but in body types as well. Lifeguard C.J. (played by supermodel Kate Upton) initiates a genuine love interest in Ronnie (Jon Bass), a flabby, somewhat clumsy average Joe. She enjoys his company and dorkiness and isn't attracted to anything superficial about him, despite stereotypes one might expect from an ideally physically attractive woman.There's an overflow of f-bombs and enough cliché boob, butt, and genital joke references every 5 to 10 minutes to fill an ocean throughout the film. Very rarely is it visually graphic, but the humor is raunchy; don't bring your kids out thinking it's the one-dimensional boy scout and girl scout cast of the 90s. This ain't your mom and pop's Baywatch! Aside from all the juvenile anatomy jokes that only 20 and 30 something's may be able to stomach, there is a sense of heart and loyalty among the Baywatch staff; even if they are at times disturbingly dysfunctional with each other throughout the film. A surprising highlight about Baywatch is that in spite of the childish jokes, it does tackle very realistic and unexpected plot twists you wouldn't expect in a comedy about beach lifeguards. The starring cast sees first hand the permanent consequences of not obeying professional safety orders and forsaking teamwork for selfishness. Sure we see serious moments in comedies such as friends and lovers temporarily breaking up or the good guys temporarily losing, but they're always minor, fixable things that get laughed off in the end. It was interesting to see a tragic moment that enforced the seriousness of responsibility and permanent losses between running jokes.The stakes get higher when a neighboring business rival, Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra), threatens to sabotage Bay Watch altogether. Unable to contact authorities due to an irresponsible and embarrassing failure on their part, Mitch must illegally investigate with his lifeguard team to uncover what Victoria is plotting before it's too late. There is action, and lots of it. You can't have a movie with The Rock without action, right? There's danger, explosions, free falls, murder mysteries, you name it. The fight scenes are hilarious, even going as far as using household toiletry products to one up enemies between throwing blows. In closing, if the sound of sexual jokes get you triggered, don't bother. If you're more open with humor then check it out. Think of the Power Rangers reboot; the same original character's names and some signature elements that we loved from the series, but with a realistic, racy vibe of it's own.