A Hater’s Guide To Netflix's Bridgerton Stories

Controversial opinion: Bridgerton is not worth watching, nor worth reading. I am almost certain that I have never purposefully watched Bridgerton, or if I have, then it was trying to understand pop culture, and I have blocked it out. I know I've seen the majority of the first season, all of the second, and just started the third.

Warning: spoiler alert. If you haven't watched Queen Charlotte, then only read the first half. If you haven't watched the other Bridgertons, you've had enough time to catch up. If you haven't watched the other Bridgertons but want to hate on it just a little bit and don't care about spoilers: Welcome My Brethren.

Season 1

Main Actors:

• Regé-Jean Page as Simon Basset, Duke of Hastings
• Phoebe Dynevor as Daphne Bridgerton

Genre/Trope: Romance/Fake Dating

Based off of the book: The Duke and I by Julia Quinn

Pro: Handsome Regé-Jean Page

Plainly, the main *attraction* of season 1 is previously-unknown Regé-Jean Page. He is handsome. Yet...

That's about it.

I am sure that many of my opinions are coming out of being a queer woman, or at least a woman who expects more than the bare minimum from her partner. So when I kept seeing memes and reactions and thirst over Daphne's-introduction-to-sex sex scene, where Simon BURNS for Daphne? Highly overrated. I have not idea what anyone else was talking about. Regé-Jean's attractiveness does not make up for chemistry or Phoebe's mediocre acting (I'm sure she's perfectly nice, I'm just judging her job performance).

Con: non-consensual sexual act

A large plot point of the first season is that the Duke does not want children; he hates his father so much, that he does not want to continue the blood line. Daphne, however, does want children, and during one of the "steamy" sex scenes, she made him ejaculate into her without his consent; she doesn't LET HIM pull out. This is sexual assault - making someone do something sexually that they did not want to do, that they did not enthusiastically agree to. Sexual assault applies to men too. AND!!! This is was the watered down version from the book! What the fuck Julia Quinn!

Conclusion: I've been more turned on by fanfictions.

(I know that's probably an unfair comparison, but only to people who have read fanfiction.)

Season 2

Main Actors:

• Simone Ashley as Kathani "Kate" Sharma
• Jonathan Bailey as Lord Anthony Bridgerton
• Charithra Chandran as Edwina Sharma

Genre/Trope: Romance/Enemies to Lovers

Based off of the book: The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn

Pro #1, albeit less important: explore the lives of the siblings a little more

Apparently there were many that did not like this fact, but I thought it was cute. For those of us who can't handle the secondhand embarrassment of Edwina's naïveté towards the sensual looks going on between her sister and her betrothed, it was a nice break. Loved seeing a loving high person at dinner with his family.

Pro #2: Great Chemistry

I would like to personally extend a Thank You and some Voltaren to Simone Ashley for carrying this season on her back. Plus, her chemistry with Jonathan Bailey? The tension?

The panaché of the negative space between hands?

Season 1 could NEVER. We love a single sex scene in a garden!

Con: But at what cost?

As someone who HATES secondhand embaressment, this season is FULL of it. And I feel bad for the little sister Edwina! I think romances on the screen are just no longer for me. Plus, Anthony and Kate start off in an antagonistic way that you wouldn't want to start off with you significant other on this side of the screen, and they make Edwina feel and look like a fool.

Conclusion: Better than the first season

But like, that's not saying much for me, and I still watched it against my will.

Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story, AKA The Spinoff, is the Only One Worth Watching

Main Actors:

• India Amarteifio as younger Queen Charlotte
• Corey Mylchreest as younger King George
• Arsema Thomas as younger Lady Agatha Danbury
• Adjoa Andoh as older Lady Agatha Danbury
• Ruth Gemmell as older Lady Violet Bridgerton
• Golda Rohseuvel as older Queen Charlotte

Genre/Trope: Romance/SecretiveLover

Based off of the book: none!

Pro #1 : some actual non-antagonistic compatibility!

Queen Charlotte (A Bridgerton Story™) is the only one I can get behind so far. I have not read any of the books because I am a big fan paraphrasing Eleanor Roosevelt's quote that you need not make ALL your own mistakes, because you can learn from others' mistakes. Also, I am not going to let YouTuber Julia Cudney's reading of the series go to waste - she suffered FOR us.

And you know why Queen Charlotte is the only Bridgerton Story™ worth watching? Because it was not created by the original author, Julia Quinn. She even says herself, "I go back and forth between wishing I had actually written her in the books and then being glad I didn’t, because I don’t know if I could have done as good a job."

She couldn't have. See: Season 1 and Season 2 of Bridgerton.

Corey Mylchreest, playing King George the III of American Revolution and mental illness fame, is of course a fairly handsome white man. However, whenever he is kind to Charlotte, you can see the attractiveness grow before your eyes. His character is still annoying in the same way many rom-com characters are; in creating their own problems which could easily be done away with a single direct conversation. Conservatively, every other conversation in the series is an example of how politeness and properness blocks us from communicating our wants and needs at all, and even less so be able to do so well.

Anyway, from their first interaction, they are compatible and are not rude to each other. You can always feel that they want to be partners to one another, and would be good partners. But where would the drama be if not for miscommunication?

I do wish they had leaned in a bit more to Charlotte's Germanness, but maybe they thought they were doing that with how direct she was. Still a great time to see her express herself.

Also quite fun to watch their love-fucking-pretending-to-be-hate-fucking. Fully Recommended.

Pro #2: Female Friendship

I'm a slut for healthy depictions of female friendships. Charlotte and Lady Danbury, and then older Violet Bridgerton and Lady Danbury, verbally deciding to become friends????? Wonderful!! I've done this with my own friends, and it's a little awkward but well worth the price of having a good friend. Lady Danbury desperately trying not to betray her friend for her standing in society is the kind of moral conflict I can get behind, and then when Charlotte finds out and immediately wants to help her? I love platonic love stories.

Pro #3: Arsema Thomas

Arsema Thomas as a younger Lady Danbury does a fantastic job precisely mimicking her older counterpart's mannerisms for continuity's sake. She's also gorgeous. I have a crush on her. Thank Goddess for Arsema Thomas. I hope you got paid MAGNIFICENTLY for all the horrible scenes you had to go through. See Con #1.

Pro #4: Post-motherhood sexuality

The C story of the season is ~ some ~ discussion of womens' sexuality post-motherhood, which is still rare in our modern society. In the "present day," Archduchess Violet Bridgerton confesses to Lady Danbury that she wants to be "gardened" in a breathy sensuous voice, one that does not take away from her love for her deceased husband as she thought it might. Lady Danbury encourages her to ~explore~ this while privately reminiscing on her own brief(?) affair with Violet's own father.

Pro #5: Gay Butlers

Move over Thomas from Downtown Abby, there's a new only-slightly-bitchy-gay-butler in town.

The butlers were cute! A little weird that they talked about their respective monarchs/bosses while having sex, but much like queer characters in big-budget films and shows, I guess you gotta fit it in where you can.

Pro #6: "We are a team" - the romance in caring and protecting each other

Some healthy relationship advice imbedded in here: the problems that we face with our partners are not us vs our partner, but us and our partner against the problem. It's beautiful to watch them come to that realization.

Pro #7: Love does not conquer all

Another dose of reality. George tries to conquer his mental illness by himself by giving power to a doctor that literally tortured him, and Charlotte stops this, believing that he can be better simply by virtue of her love for him. He does feel better when he is with her, but mental illness is not cured by love. Alleviation is not a cure, but it sure is nice.

In the end, George is still mentally ill, and Charlotte prioritizes his happiness and health over being tortured to look powerful. It's an encouraging peek into a relationship that chooses to love long after the honeymoon phase is over and life takes over in unplanned ways.

Con #1, AKA The Main Con: Marital rape

The show does show marital rape multiple times, especially in the first episode. It is sudden, Lady Danbury does not comment on the pain until later, but she always takes a bath after - her servant practically jokes about always keeping her bath water warm all the time. To "lessen" any survior's pain in watching, she only looks bored while it is happening. I would argue: dissociating. Or maybe that's just me watching the scenes. The act itself is just shown way too much. We need to only see it once to know what's going on! Stop bashing us on the head with it! Her eventual choice of having sex and changing positions when she chooses her sexual partner would have been just as impactful without the extra 15 (I don't know how many actually and I don't care enough to go and count, but that's definitely what it feels like) scenes of her being maritally raped! Goddamn! Give me a goddamn break!!!!

Con #2: Boo Racism! (Please ignore our classism.)

This is probably just me being nitpicky. For a show that wants to take on some kind of anti-racist thinking, it was funny to watch a rich Black woman worry about her position to her BIPoC ladies maid, who is required to wait on her hand and foot. Just put a slightly sour taste in my mouth. The show is for entertainment purposes, and not all entertainment has to be so revolutionary, but to congratulate yourself on bring up more BIPoC to the elite is part of the issue with society today. There shouldn't be any elite to begin with.

Con #3: Made me slightly root for a young Black Woman to be with an older white man

Truly, I was just rooting for Lady Danbury's autonomy and happiness. That an older married white man was who she wanted to aid in her healing is.... inconvenient. Is one interracial couple that doesn't include a white person too much to ask? That the answer has been "yes" 99% of the time in media pisses me off and this show does not help.

Conclusion

If you MUST watch a Bridgerton story against your will, then watch the one that is NOT focused on a member of the Bridgerton family. However, in reference to a member of the Bridgerton family featured, I'm still rooting for Violet to get dicked down. Or pussied down. Whatever she prefers. I just want to be able to say "Good For Her."

Thank you for reading! Please gift me a like to let me know you even got this far, or at least were entertained by what you skimmed.