A complete rewatch: One Tree Hill

(Before we start with this episode recap, a content warning is in order, as death and grief will be mentioned.)

We're already on to episode five, entitled All That You Can't Leave Behind. In this one, Lucas and Haley's relationship enters a slightly more complicated territory, while the basketball players battle it out on the court against their fathers for charity. Peyton struggles with her mother's passing and finds a surprising ally and confidante in Whitey. Nathan comes to terms with his breakup, and we get our first insights into some of the characters' backgrounds and histories.

BEHIND THE TITLE

This episode is entitled All That You Can't Leave Behind, which is the name of a U2 album released in 2000. The correlation between the words and the plot is evident, as we spend forty minutes with characters coming to terms with things they can't get past- Peyton and her mother's death, maybe even her father with his wife's death, Dan and his past, and Nathan and his failed relationship.

It was also given an alternative title, Where I End And You Begin, after a Radiohead song. I personally do not know enough about the band's music and artistry to have too much of an insight into the minimal lyrics of the song, but it's easy to see the parallel with death, where someone ends and another part of someone's life begins, as well as the separation between the two parties, now in different worlds.

GENERAL OPINION

This episode presents everything I could possibly want from my favourite TV show. It has unbelievably funny one-liners, mostly from Peyton, and I love the way she hides her grief and her pain with her sense of humour. It has a super cool basketball game, it goes heavy on the parallelled scenes, and we get to know some of our favourite characters on a deeper level. It is also one of the first emotional episodes of the series, the first proof that this was never just another teenage soap, but it was going to tackle serious issues. The best example of it lies in the way Peyton struggles to come to terms with the conditions of her mother's passing.

SOUNDTRACK

- Remedy by Hot Water Music

- Hard To Find by American Analog Set (this song was also present in the second episode)

- I Was On A Mountain by Hot Water Music

- Want To Be Bad by Tegan & Sara

- I Don't Want To Be by Gavin DeGraw

- Glad To Be Alive by Low Flying Owls (was also heard in the third episode)

- Many Rivers To Cross by Jimmy Cliff.

There is an almost meta quality to the moment when the show plays, as part of the soundtrack, the song that is normally used for the opening credits, I Don't Want To Be by Gavin DeGraw. This track has now become the anthem for freedom of self-expression of a generation, thanks to One Tree Hill, and it brings an instant smile to my face every time.

QUOTES

One of the main focuses of the episode is Haley's tutoring of Nathan, how his grades start improving, and how open and vulnerable he is becoming by her side. These scenes also give us some fantastic quotes on a more comedic level. There is my favourite one:

- You know me and Peyton broke up.

- Peyton and I.

- What, she broke up with you too?

Throughout the years, this has remained universally regarded among fans of the show as comedy gold, and I love the mixture between Haley's nerdy side, the tutor girl who simply has to correct other people's grammar mistakes, and the way Nathan doesn't understand what Haley's point is and makes things about the way he feels.

- What are you, my tutor or my shrink?

- Whatever you need.

Nathan acts differently around Haley than he does around everyone else. He is more vulnerable, and he doesn't hesitate to confide in her about his breakup with Peyton and the way he misses her. After he has reached new levels of cruelty in the previous episodes, he shifts to a more human character. This is also, for us, a first real insight into Haley's personality- she is more than just Lucas' best friend and the clever girl who can help you improve your math grades. She is also a patient listener.

- When I tutor someone and they get it, and that light goes on, I feel good, I feel worthy, the same way you feel when you play basketball.

The subject of one feeling worthy and good about themselves and what they can accomplish is a recurring theme in the show. However, we have mostly heard it from the boys and their motivation behind playing sports. This is the first time we truly see it in Haley and discover how much she truly loves being a tutor. This line comes up after Lucas asks her to stop tutoring Nathan, again, and it is the show's way of telling us that this is not just about the feud between every member of the Scott family. This is about Haley as an individual too, and it matters just as much.

The voiceover is a quote by American author John Steinbeck. "John Steinbeck once wrote: 'It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live for our death brings no pleasure on the world.'"

THE BEST BITS: UNDERNEATH PEYTON.

It feels almost wrong having such deeply emotional scenes as my favourites, but throughout the years, Peyton Sawyer has remained one of my most beloved characters, not just in One Tree Hill, but in general. It started because I related to her being alternative and into music of the loud variety, just like me, and as I grew up and went through some similar family situations, it extended to everything else.

All That You Can't Leave Behind is the first time we see the cracks in Peyton's hard exterior but, most importantly, we discover the reasons behind the shell she has built herself. She is not just sassy, maybe bitchy, and surly- she is protecting herself from pain.

As explained in this episode, Peyton's mother passed away when she was a child, "seven years ago today," which would have made her nine years old at the time of death. It is the anniversary of her passing and, understandably, Peyton is struggling. From experience, these feelings never really get easier or go away, you just grow around them, but they are most definitely harder when you are young. Traditionally, your teenagehood represents the years of your life during which you question everything you think you know, and I believe it is why we see Peyton, sat behind the wheel of her car, desperately running every red light, trying to understand why her mother died when she only ran one, and for a good reason. It's almost as if she is trying to find something rational in the middle of her grief, a foolproof reason why her mother died running a red light, but she can run all of them for several days and she doesn't, she is still here, still alive, and still suffering.

Everyone can question how realistic teenage-orientated programmes are, and it is perfectly valid. However, Peyton's portrayal of grief is one of the most truthful there is. She conveys the hopelessness, the way grief is much bigger than everything you know and understand, and how lonely it gets. During this entire episode, we watch Peyton grow angry at everyone for not asking questions and not knowing, and though I understand both sides of the coin, how hard and terrifying it can get supporting your friends, asking questions, and listening, I cannot help but appreciate that they have shown the loneliness behind grieving. No one likes asking for things when they are suffering, we all tend to be in pain by ourselves instead of reaching out to other people.

Grief is bigger than everything you can possibly imagine, much deeper, a terrifying, dark, and lonely ocean, and the way it is shown in All That You Can't Leave Behind is perfect.

THE LITTLE THINGS.

We will address the scene later on and share more details, but it is worth noting that, when Lucas leaves Karen's Café to follow Peyton in the street and get into her car, he has most likely done so mid-shift and is still holding a tea towel.

Pop culture references start being sprinkled in the show and the first one of them comes from Brooke during cheerleader practice. Peyton has a little meltdown over the pointlessness of it all, of teenage life, and Brooke snaps "Don't go all Mariah on me" as a reference to Mariah Carey and her tendency to be a diva.

Peyton has to cross the boys' locker rooms to reach Coach Durham's office, and it seems like all the boys have just come out of the shower. Is it really realistic to be shown a group of sixteen and seventeen-year-old boys, maybe younger, as it is said in earlier episodes that the basketball players are younger, following the events in the pilot, who are muscular and confident enough in their bodies to be almost-naked in the locker rooms and in front of everyone else? I understand they are athletes, but the question springs to mind.

When Nathan asks Haley if she is going to attend the basketball game, she replies "anything less than an 81, and I'm staying home and watching The Office." As the well-known American version of the sitcom premiered in 2005, Haley is referring to the original, British show. (At least, she is not talking about Dawson's Creek anymore!)

Throughout this episode, we watch Peyton run every red light in an attempt to understand why and how her mother passed away. In her last run, she almost crashes the Comet again. This car has had more adventures and near-death experiences in five TV show episodes than most vehicles do in their lifespans.

At the end of the episode, Haley and Lucas have an argument on the side of the court about her tutoring Nathan, and Lucas leaves after saying "Nice bracelet." How did he figure out that Nathan gave it to her? I don't see her being careless enough to tell anyone, nor can I imagine Nathan bragging about giving his tutor a plastic Cracker Jack bracelet. Where does this come from?

FASHION REVIEW

Some of my notes are starting to include more fashion moments and references, outfits and accessories, and it feels like a good idea to, when relevant, have a dedicated section to talk about them.

My favourite outfit of the episode has to be Peyton's classic blue jeans, burgundy leather jacket, and printed t-shirt combo, and not only because she is donning a Dashboard Confessional top, a band I love.

I would love to say that we need to address Haley's fashion choices, but...Where do you even start with that poncho? Overall, Haley's approach to clothing is realistic for a quiet girl her age in 2003, all ordinary jeans and cute, youthful printed t-shirt, but...Why the poncho? It's made out of crochet (I love a good crochet moment, but maybe not like that?), it looks like an old blanket with and a hole for the head, and the colour palette is interesting, to say the least. I cannot even remember ponchos being fashionable in the early-2000s- at least, not ones like Haley's? That poncho is an anomaly and, in all its ugliness, I love how ridiculously twee it is.

Finally, during the basketball game, you can notice Deb sporting a Booster Moms pin badge on her shirt. These women truly make being mothers to high school basketball their entire personality.

THE MOST AMERICAN MOMENT

There are two to me, and both are instrumental in the plot of All That You Can't Leave Behind. The first one is the father versus son basketball game. I will discuss it in more detail later on, but the simple concept of it feels wildly American to me. Throwing a social event including a charity basketball game does not strike me as anything to do with the United States, as fundraisers in the form of sporting events are universal, but to make it a father versus son situation does. The sense of family and lineage is always portrayed differently in American shows and films than it looks in real life. The idea of alumni and basing parts of your life on what your father did before you is not something I have ever seen in the flesh.

In a similar vein, something that struck me as specific to an American television way of portraying families is the recurring discussion about the Scott surname. It starts with the article about the basketball dynasty in the local newspaper, we then get Dan telling Lucas he shouldn't have been given it in the first place, then Lucas wants to change it, and Keith also being a Scott finally enters the chat. It's not even an uncommon or unique surname- it's the thirty-sixth most popular family name in the United States. But in Tree Hill, North Carolina, it only means Dan Scott and, as leader of his dynasty, part of it he didn't even want, he feels like he has a say on anyone bearing the same name as him. How American of him.

THE MOST 2000s MOMENT

In this section, we have mostly spoken about various technological devices, such as VHS players and landline phones, and teenage fashion moments, but today, we are going to take a closer look at two adult characters' clothing choices, Keith and Deb.

Keith Scott is the only blue-collar worker in the show, a modest mechanic and, as such, it would be unrealistic of him to prance around the streets of Tree Hill in expensive suits like his older brother. He has been dressed fairly ordinarily for the past four episodes, a collection of blue jeans and plain t-shirts. However, in All That You Can't Leave Behind, he has brought early noughties fashion back into the forefront of the show. When he trains for the fathers and sons game with Lucas at the Rivercourt, he dons double denim, tan Timberland boots, and a bandana across his forehead. Talk about a more early-2000s outfit!

A few episodes ago, we discussed Brooke's flipped-out layers and how iconic it was at the start of the millennium, but we have not spoken yet about Deb's version of them, all soft honey and blonde highlights and shorter hair. This gives me a pre-Karen vibe, a time before mature women moved to "long in the front, short in the back" hairstyle, and reminds me of Lisa Rinna, mostly known for being in several series of The Days Of Our Lives and The Real Housewives franchise. A most-2000s item of clothing she sported is that bright orange V-neck shirt with the polo-shirt type of collar. This is a lot of information for one single top, and she wears it infuriatingly well. No one should be allowed to pull off something like this.

LUCAS AND THE GIRLS

I am aware that, throughout the years, Lucas Scott has remained a beloved character in One Tree Hill, but this rewatch comes attached to my honesty and my feelings, and I have to address his shortcomings. Yes, he comes across as someone with a kind heart, someone who knows when he has done something wrong, and someone who deeply cares about the people he loves. I acknowledge that. However, I have to say one thing: he struggles putting boundaries on the way he cares for people, especially girls his age.

We can start with the way he talks to Haley. The pair has seemed to know each other for quite a long time, they are obviously close and, understandably, he holds her to different, higher standards than he does everyone else. At the same time, he seems to think this gives him the right to make decisions for her or approve of what she does. Haley confesses she has been tutoring Nathan to stop the hazing and, when they discuss how Lucas' status in the team has improved, his response is to immediately ask her to stop with the tutoring, without taking into account the way she feels. He badgers her, "you know how I feel about him," but in my opinion, this goes both ways. Yes, I see how infuriating it must be to see your best friend help the boy who bullied you. But Haley is allowed to become her own person and make decisions for herself, regardless of Lucas' opinion. They are best friends, they support each other, but he is not the be-all and end-all of her life, and she does not have to squash her values and activities for him. We also see Lucas pushing Haley away without ever telling her what she did wrong or why he is upset, she has to guess why she is being iced out. As someone who went through something similar to someone who emotionally abused me for years, this is painful to watch. This is not loyalty, and this sure as hell is not friendship.

Then, there is Peyton. We have watched Lucas follow her car at the party in Crash Into You and, even though he meant well and she most definitely presented a risk to herself, what right did he have to follow her in the street? He strikes again in this episode. She drives past Karen's Café, running every red light, and he most likely abandons her shift, tea towel in hand and all, to follow her and get into her car. Doesn't this guy ever read the room? Surely, she is going through something traumatic and doesn't need someone invading her privacy to tell her to pull over. Granted, her decision to run every single red light because she is struggling to come to terms with her mother's death is reckless and dangerous, and I can see that he means well and is looking out for her, but I can't shake the feeling that he is getting into her car without her consent.

A CLOSER LOOK AT THE BASKETBALL GAME

As mentioned at the start of this post, one of the main plot points of this episode is the fathers and sons basketball game. Here to fundraise for a charity, the boys from the varsity team battle it out against their fathers (or, in Lucas' case, their father figures) and, on paper, the result holds no significance. It doesn't weigh into the state championship or whatever competition the Ravens might partake in. It's a friendly one-off game, and its only purposes are having fun and raising funds for the chosen charity.

Unless you're Dan Scott, that is.

Even when reminded that this is a friendly game with no official purpose other than the fundraiser, Dan insists it's a "social event" and berates his older brother for wanting to play even though he could be "embarrassing for him." He challenges his son to do better than him, and he is rude to his teammates when they are having fun. This game is his outlet for his extreme competitiveness and worrying need to prove he is better than everyone else, and he shows an obvious lack of self-awareness. During a conversation exchanged with his wife, Deb, we find out how much he truly loved being a basketball player when he was younger, especially the feeling that "the world is yours and there's nothing you can do to stop it." In his youth, he was a great player, "maybe the best I ever had," according to Whitey, and this confidence in his talent coupled with the cheers from the crowd gave him an infinite sense of power. He counts being a basketball player as the best time of his life and can only just escape with an unconvincing "it was different" when Deb asks if it was better than knowing her or their son.

Dan's basketball past was everything to him and, in the way he pushes Nathan into it, you can tell he has never gotten over the pain of not having turned it into a long-term professional career. It seems something that eats at him every day. This charity game is the one thing he has, at present, to feel somewhat close to the way he used to back in high school. It's obvious in the way he beams when the crowd cheers louder for him than they do for the younger boys. (It seems to elude him that, since this game holds no importance in the league and from a varsity point of view, the high school kids might have simply not turned up to cheer for the current Ravens.)

During the game, the sons understand early on that they are miles better than their father, and they decide to have fun with it. They basically play like the Harlem Globetrotters and show off all the technical skills they don't get to show during regular games, and the fathers all take it in good fun, proud of their sons and their playing abilities.

Unless they're Dan Scott, that is.

He views this game as something with a deeper meaning behind the fundraising and warns Nathan, pretend-lightheartedly, to not "try that crap with me." He takes the night more seriously than anyone present in the gym, and it's almost embarrassing to watch. We get it, old man, you can still score a basket without slipping a disc. Do you want a cookie? He takes it as family competition because he needs a reminder that he is the best of the Scott clan, the only one truly worthy of bearing that surname. he pushes Nathan as hard as he can so he gets a basketball career, but only under the unspoken condition that he doesn't become a better player than him. During the fathers and sons game, he even goes as far as committing a foul on his son to win. In the end, Nathan throws the game and lets his father get what he wants. At this moment, Nathan shows that he knows he is galaxies better on the court than his dad, no questions asked, and he could take him at any given moment, but he doesn't feel like he has something to prove to anyone. He doesn't need the whole town to know he is better than a man in his late-thirties who has not played semi-professional ball in seventeen or so years. Nathan is portrayed as more confident in himself and his skills on the court than Dan ever will. Dan needs the victory at whatever costs, fouls or not, just so he can brag and say he has won. Nathan only needs to believe in himself.

PARALLELS EVERYWHERE

As mentioned several episodes ago, one of my favourite narratives devices, especially in One Tree Hill, is the use of parallel between scenes and moments. And this fifth episode delivered on them, which deeply satisfied me.

The first one takes place at the very beginning, after Lucas has looked at Peyton's comic strip in thud, failing to understand the significance of the red light and the caption "People always leave." Then, the camera moves to the traffic lights in the street, and Peyton refusing to start her car, staring at the green until it goes away.

The second one also starts in Karen's Café, when an unknown patrol comes up to Lucas and hands him the newspaper, complimenting him on the article about him, Nathan, and Dan. (Has this man been out of Tree Hill for the past seventeen years?) We see Lucas look at the page and then, it's still there, but the story has moved into the Scotts' kitchen, where Nathan reads it aloud to his parents.

The third one involves Peyton. When she is sitting on the bridge, doodling in her notebook, Lucas comes up to her and tells her he's been thinking about her. (To which she replies "Try a cold shower." Her sass in this episode is unmatched.) Later on, she is painting in her bedroom, an all-black canvas sarcastically entitled Love, when Nathan comes in and tells her he has been thinking about her too.

The final one might be perceived as a bit of a stretch, but I like it so much that I choose to roll with it regardless. While the basketball game is happening, there is a song in the background, Gavin DeGraw's I Don't Want To Be. Then, we move to Peyton's car, and the first thing we see is her stereo while the song keeps on playing. This quick close-up for her car radio could imply that she is listening to that song, a conscious decision on her character's end instead of a passive soundtrack chosen by the show, and I love how it turns music into something active in the characters' lives. Music is a major part of One Tree Hill, it was never meant to just be a background thing, and I love every moment in which it becomes a real part of the story.

FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

In this episode, Nathan and Haley seem to be growing closer. He opens up to her about his split with Peyton, and she seems to like him enough to still wear the bracelet he gave her during their first tutoring session. She hugs him when he shows her the grade he got on a math quiz, and it is interesting to watch where their relationship is going, especially when you notice Nathan looking up at Lucas, unbeknownst to Haley. He knows the hug will bother him, and he obviously enjoys it.

During the game, Dan continuously provokes Nathan, and it provokes two olive branch moments. We see Keith's first interaction with a nephew he formerly described as "basically a stranger," and he is lending his support. After the foul, Lucas extends a hand to his brother, and they both agree that they want him taken down. Dan may have scored the winning basket, but he lost everything else that night- and he made a fool out of himself. Where are these olive branches going to lead us?